Daily Chores

Now is 9.15pm

Today, the whole was a busy day for my family. It was tough, difficult for us specially in the morning.
because Julie and myself wake up almost the same time. We need to do our daily toileting/bathing chorus.

I'm able to do half the daily toileting chorus and our maid will help me with bathing. Julie is completely relying on mum and our maid for eating, toileting, batheing etc.. The difficulty part is bathing for her and sitting her up onto the buggy chair.. And other chores too.

And prepare cooking for lunch. Julie comes to my room and listen  to music and chit chat with me, while I do my computer work.

In our difficult time, God is there to help us.



Ended at 9.45pm

Blank mind

My baby, I'm in my blog page, starring at this blank white page and my mind is totally blank on what I want write.

I have not been in this page for the past 3 week, but I kept thinking of my blog. I told myself, I want to keep writing and writing. At last I couldn't manage to do so..

Even though, I'm writing now, I'm thinking what to write.

I have been going to physio/occupation therapy and my regular check ups' in GH and try not to think of negative things. To be active throughout the day and do my best everyday.

Everyday, life is tough, but I have fight for it. Though many times/days feel like giving, but my inner self says "don't give up". That's why I stay strong.

Writen in end of Oct 18'

Trying to think positive

I'm trying my very best to think positive.
I'm trying my best to take things easy and not hard on myself
I'm trying my best not to think bad /hurtful thing in my past
I'm trying my best not to think of negative things
I try to talk/think positively
I try to sing more

Avoid negative thoughts
Avoid thinking of the past (people who hurt me)
Avoid mixing around with friends' who gossip .

Dear God , please help me able to do the above things!!!

My life on earth

Dear Good God

I give you all posts in my blog...All the things happening in my life, please do help me....

My thinking, feeling and emotion is going down and down each day..Till today I don't know what to do when I'm in front of my computer. 

I feel so restless everyday. "What am I doing on earth", I'm thinking about it everyday. I know I'm taking care of my family medication, other than that I do not know what my life is about.

You always say "There's a purpose for everyone on earth", I can't see what I'm doing here.. 

Dear God, please help me to know the PLAN you have for me. Also fill your LOVE for me in my heart as I'm feeling very empty inside 

Thank you GOD for listening to me! 

The Changed

I have changed so much from a happy person with many close friends' into a lonely person who stays at home everyday. A person who enjoyed going out to shopping malls and to many other place into a person who have mood to go anywhere. Though my heart desire to go out to as many places I want, but I don't anyone to bring me out and I don't have mood to enjoy things outside

Even when I go out with family or outstation with friends, the happiness within me is only a short time. Then the empty feelings and sadness will come back within me again. I don know why, but I don't have the happiness within me. I hardly smile these recent years.

Though my photos showed my happy smiling face, but the fact is I was/am not happy at all.

Good mood, please come back!!!

I have many things I wanted to write. I completely have no mood and my mind is blank on what to write. In my heart, I wanted to say a lot of things. But like I said I have no mood to write.

Other than that, I have no mood, I was occupied with doing other things. Other than that, I went to GH for check-ups. The thing I hated most is - I feel so so tired and sleepy the everday due to my medicine. I wished I don't have to take any medicine. But the fact, I HAVE to.....

I so glad that I keep my blog alive till today.. Because I loved writing

Terrible mood

I feel so terrible and low mood since the last few days. Specially today, I so terribly no good - feel tired, sleepy, low mood and lifeless since this morning till night. More tired and sleepy then my usual days taking spasms medicine.

I don't understand what is wrong with me.  Is it the depression medicine I cut off? The medicine the doctor gave medicine and it didn't suit me. It made my body not well, so I stopped taking it.

Sorry baby, I'm only writing a short note for this post..I'm feeling very tired and no mood today. 

Specially For My Darling Sister

On Sunday, we celebrated Julie's birthday. She has been looking forward for her birthday since one month ago.  We went To Gurney Plaza Mall to celebrated her birthday. She loved to go outing, but sadly it's hard to bring her out. She has to be carried into the car. So she accept it to stay at home unless we have family birthday or special occasion. Then we bring her outing.

Since it was Sunday, there were a lot of people went shopping. Ir was difficult to find a parking lot, but thank God a car got out and we had a parking space.

We straight went up to 4th floor to D.I.Y. shop (a shop which sell all cheap things). We checked out we wanted to buy, but it doesn't have. We went for lunch at Chopper Board Restaurant which was only opposite D.I.Y. shop.

                                             Happy Birthday, my dear loving sister

We had western food and all of us enjoyed our meal. There were many foreign workers work there as waiters' and waitress. When our food arrived, we enjoyed our meal.  I saw few families eating in that restaurant too. After lunch, we adjourned to other floors for shopping. All of us had a great time.

It was an enjoyable family outing. All of us enjoyed our lunch and shopping.

                                                         
                                                        

                                              Coffee Cheese Cake for birthday girl
                                                           

I bought a cake for Julie (coffee and cheese cake). When we came home, we say birthday song. cut the cake and enjoyed the cake. 

I thank God for Julie's life till today! It's wonderful to see her talk and laugh everyday and to see there's so much life in her....Though of she had gone though a lot of suffering the past years and throughout her whole life. Our family love and care for her keep her life going. And God is the One who give Julie life.

If wishes come true

Dear God, I have many dreams and wishes in my entire life. Some came true, some did not. I thank you for the dreams/wishes which had come true.

Dear God, I present my all dreams/wishes to you :

1.  I wished I could study to higher school, but I thank you God that I went to Spastic Centre (disabled school) to get some knowledge and therapy.

2.  I wished I could walk, but because of my weak body/limbs and spasms. (will never come true)

3. I wishwd I can work outside and earn more income. I have worked in few NGOs', but what I got was I got insulted and looked down by my colleagues and people due to my medication and weakness. I will never want to look for outside jobs anymore, but accept my condition that I will never able to work outside. But thank God for giving me knowledge on computer/internet. To earn some income at home by learning to do online sales.

4.  I wished to have a boyfriend. Thank you God for giving a guy who love, care and understanding and accept my condition.

5.   I wished to get married and wear my dream wedding gaun, but that will NEVER come true.

6.  I wished to have a child of my own. That will NEVER EVER come true due to my medication. Adopting a child also will NEVER come true.

7.  I wished t have o a small apartment and that will NEVER come true.

8.  I wished I have a close friend who understand my feelings. We can talk to and share our feelings.

9.  I wished there's someone to bring out/company me wherever I want to go.

10. I wished that I get the chance to travel to overseas and see the world. But I thank God that I had visited Japan and Lourdes (Paris) in early 2000's.

11. I wished I can take care of Julie, but I've my limitation. What I can do, I try my best to care for her.

12. I wished that I can help other disabled.

13.  I wished I don't have depression, but be happy always.

Dear God, this is all my wishes/dreams. My life is in Your Hands'. Whether it come true or not, I will accept it.

                                                  

                                                 Sweet Sensation - If wishes came true
                                           
                                         
                      

Done the best

A week had past by again. As I know, I did my best. I occupied my time with posting up listings for sale and thinking and searching online on how to do do more things. Did Janice company work (in her house) twice last week.

I went to GH twice last week for my regular check-up at Psychiatrist Department and another day Dental Department as my filling came out. Luckily, I called for appointment and the next day I could get my tooth done. Thank God for leading me and Julie to GH Dental as we disabled with special card get free treatment. Thank God also Julie and myself got good, understanding and patient dentist. They understand our condition. 

My spasm also came and go, but it wasn't severe. I took things easy and couldn't do much work. Had to rest me. 

Thank God I did what I could and my best for last week. Another week comes again, how the days will go by, with God's help I will do my best!

Kool & The Gang - Cherish

                                                       

My regular check-up

This morning I went to psychiatrist department for my usual check-up in GH. There were a lot of people of all races with different metal sickness waiting to see the doctors'  We put our card inside the box in front of the counter and waited for our name to be called. After our names were called, we take our number and a small chit to the back and everyone have to test the blood pressure and  weight. Because I'm on the wheelchair, they can only check my pressure. All of us went back to our sit and wait for the doctors to called our name before we go into the doctor's room. This is the usual procedure we have to do.  

I waited for more than 1 hour before my name was called. I hope and prayed that I would get my  regular doctor who saw me twice before. Thank God I got the same doctor again. Sometimes, they would change different doctors to see different patients. I was relief that I got the same doctor again. 

This Malay doctor is kind and gentle person. He asked me how I felt and I told him all my emotion and thinking feelings/problem and I told I felt terrible.  He looked through my file and talked to me. I'm not happy as he asked me to take another type of medication. Now I have to take 2 different type of medicine. Anyway, I have to follow what the doctor's say. He gave me two weeks to try the medicine before he sees' me again.

After seeing the doctor, my maid pushed me down (ground floor) to take medication at the famisi. There were a lot of people waiting to take medication too.

I quite scare to take new medicine as sometimes have side effect or what so ever. I really pray that this medicine suit me and don't give me any side effect.

Marc Anthony - My Baby You

Going thru hard time

Depression turns me this type of person :

1.   I'm very unhappy

2.  I always want to be alone in my room

3.  Feel no mood and have terrible feelings

4.  Have no appetite 

5.  Though I accomplished many things, yet I don't feel happy

6.  Don't feel like mixing/talking to anyone

7.  My heart is empty

8.  Keep thinking of the past and feeling hurt inside me

9.  Though I talk to Julie and make her laugh, I laugh too. But I'm not happy myself

10.   I don't have friends'/closed one to to talk too

11. Many times feel like crying, but cannot cry

There are other feelings' too which are not good. Very difficult to express out.

New Kids On The Block -I'll Be Loving You (Forever)

                                          

The real ME

Outwardly, people will see me as someone who is pretty, soft but a boring person. Because I always looked tired, sleepy (due to my medication) I hardly talk to anyone when I meet. Though, I'm an out-going person, my problem is conversing with people. I have a phobia talking to people/friends I meet, afraid I would say the wrong words that will hurt their feeling. What I do is to keep quiet.

Before our argument (my friends and myself), I could easier talk, but now at times when they called me, I have to think twice before I speak. I don't why I'm so afraid to talk. Not to my friends only, but everyone I meet. When relatives or friends' visit us, I don't talk to them, instead I hide in my room and do my work. That's why I don't have friends'

Inwardly, I'm a strong, brave and courageous person. I never give up in whatever I do. Before my sickness, I used go out on the road on my motorised wheelchair alone on the busy road. I only went to nearby my area like to Genaral Hospital for weekly therapy. It was very trilled for me to go on the road by myself. I also went to Gurney Plaza Mall and few other places. It was a freedom for me.

I faced with few accidents while on the way to my destination. I fell dowon the road, I clashed with a motorcycle, my motorised wheelchair battery were flat while on my way back from shopping. These were the few accidents I faced while on the road. Thank God nothing happen to me. This is a great experience for me.

Due to my sickness which lasted for 2 years, I didn't go out by myself at all. Now, I have phobia of going out by myself as afraid that my spasms will attack me anytime. I hardly go out now, only sometimes go out to shopping mall with my family.

Backstreet Boys - It's True

                                 

Spent time on the beach

It was a great sunny morning, Janice took me to the beach (which I went the 2nd time) in the morning where her in-laws were having picnic/barbecue there. It was a really nice place with big and shady trees'.  When Janice and I arrived, Denis, my brother in-law were doing the barbecue. The rest of their family were all playing cards. 

The beach was really nice as there were no stairs or steps. Cars and motorcycles could straight drive onto the beach. After we arrived, people of all races started came in to the beach. Some were family, others' were couple. A group of young men also came in on their motocycles to enjoy themselves playing balls . I can say people all ages went there to get fresh air and enjoy themselves

I, myself was enjoying the fresh air and played ball with Janice. After finished playing with Janice, we ate barbecue chicken and satay and other food her in-laws cooked.

I especially love to see the ocean and the water flooring. It gives me peace in my heart, sadly I hardly go the beach as no one brings me there.

The ocean is also the creation of GOD!!!

                                                   At the beach

Not a good week

This first week of July, is not a good week for me. I'm unable to do many things due eye sight problem lead my headache and my spasm start attacking me again. It makes my limbs stiff and I unable my daily work and things. I have difficulty in breathing too. I don't feel angry or frustrated now if not it will effect my eyesight or my spasm will get worst. I have take things easy. What I did watch movies on my computer and rest more.

I cannot fight against my sickness, but take it easy. GOD is in charge of my life and I have leave everything HIM - in good and bad times.  I look forward for better weeks ahead.

Months past like the wind

Today is the 1st of July! 6 months of 2018 has passed without realizing. Could imagine time flew so fast. What did I do for the past 6 months? I believe I had done a lot of things, but I couldn't remember what I had done. Funny ya!!! What I knew everyday was morning became night.

I knew I had accomplished in my sales, the past 6 months. What I had done was my best! Certain months were more and certain months were less. I couldn't complain much as this is buying and selling. It's like our life, certain months we are doing good and some months are not.

It goes the same like depression (moods) Some days were good, some days not. I have accept this fact and continue seeing my doctor. 

What I know GOD had helped me through the past 6 months and will continue to lead and guide me on What will to come, I will not know. Only GOD knows!

My life in GOD's hand

I thank GOD for my mum who has good health and strength to care for us. She has a strong will and positive in mind. She cares for us since we were born. In good and bad times, she care and love us  patiently with all her loved.

Many times I cannot avoid myself from thinking about the future. It's really scary when think about it. My fear is when my mum will not be with us anymore one day. She took real good care of us the whole of our entire life. If she is gone one day, what will happen to us.

Now she is 80 over. Day in and night she still can take care of us with the help of our maid. Despite her one eye side, she still can drive (short distant) to morning church and cook for us and do her daily things for us.

Despite my fear, I believe GOD has a plan for us and HE will surely not abandoned us (HIS special children). I need to trust in GOD to take care of our future.

Our life in GOD's hands. I need to place my trust in HIM and HE will lead me on!

A great time in KL/Genting

Recently, my darling, myself and friends went to Kuala Lumpur/Genting Highlands for 3 day and 2 nights. We started our journey around 9 something on 10 June. We had a smooth ride as there were not many cars on the highway. We stopped at the rest house once. There was a disabled toilet, but when I went I was shocked to see the toilet had no railings or bars to hold. I tried my best to do my toileting. I said to myself "what a lousy disabled toilet?" We continue our journey and arrived in KL town around 2pm. Because KL highway has many routes. We lost our way few times as we turned into few wrong roads  It's took us more than an hour to reach our hotel.

Everyone of us were relief when we reached our destination. We checked in hotel around 3.30pm. Later we went for lunch opposite Jusco hyperrmarket. It's around 5mins drive away from our hotel. After lunch, we went groceries shopping. We bought a lot of food stuff back to the hotel and walked around to see there were so many shops and stores in the mall. There were a lot of people specially Muslim doing last minute shopping for their Malay New Year. 

We headed back to the hotel to bath and rest. The whole evening we stayed in the hotel, ate what we bought in the room.Everyone was chit-chatting and had a great time together. For me, as a quiet person, I listen to them talking and had fun. 

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Day 2

Genting Highlands, here we come!!! My favourite place!! I have not been there for nearly 2 years. I missed this place so much!  It was very nice and cooling place to stay in. There are many entertain outlets for young and old. 

We all got ready and headed for Genting around 11 something. It was a smooth ride all the way up.

We reached and checked into a free complimentary room which few of my friends and myself are members' of Genting World Resort. As one of my friend's is a disabled, the counter staff gave us a disabled room.

Wow!!! the disabled room was very big and spaces with sofa, couch and a big disabled toilet equip with bars and railings. The bathing side has a sitting place for disabled. After settled down in the room, all of us went out to checked out the place. Some of us went different place. Few friends and myself went to see the places and almost got lost. As Genting renovated the place for last few years into a bigger and beautiful place.  The place changed a lot, we went round and round to see the new place.  

My friends wanted to checked our members card, but was really hard to find the counter. They had changed places, but at last we found it. There were many people queing up at the counter either to apply new membership cards of change new card. My friend's and myself change our membership  card.

We were there only few hours as a friend of ours' had to dropped few of us back KL hotel. We started our journey around 4.30pm and reached KL town half hour later. It was really unbelievable as we were stuck in a terrible traffic jam in KL town for around 4 hours. We reached the hotel about 9.30pm. We were all relief upon reaching as we were very hungry and our bodies ached.

Upon reaching the hotel lift, we were shocked the lift was spoiled. We couldn't do anything, so we went over to the Indian coffee shop next door to the hotel and had our dinner. Then, we went to Jusco to buy few things. Luckily, my friend took us there. I urgently needed to find a toilet, luckily there was a disabled toilet. Thank God for that!!! I was so glad to relief myself.

After bought our things, we went back to the hotel. We faced a big problem when we went back to the hotel. No one came to repaired the lift!!! My goodness, they had to carry up to the 2nd floor!!! Two of the hotel workers and my darling carried me. I was so terrible scared while they carried me. My heart nearly fell off and I couldn't breath as the fright was there. At last thank God we reached 2nd floor. 

My friends who was supposed to go back to Genting was unable to back there as it was too late to drive back. They slept in the hotel.

Everyone was very tired, got ready and went to bed very fast

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Day 3

We woke up early and got ready checked out from the hotel. We checked out from KL hotel and headed up to Genting around 9.30am. Some of them brought breakfast up to Genting to eat in the hotel room. Without much traffic, we took one and half hour to reach Genting. It was quite fast.

We straight went to our room, some had breakfast and showered themselves. Most of us enjoyed each other company talking and laughing.

After all got ready, we checked out from the room. We went round the see the places. Some of them went to played some game. I enjoyed myself very much as when we went around and see the nice places with loud music and a lot of people. There were many entertainment places for children, youngsters and adults.

The time has come for us to go back. We took off around 4.30pm, drove slowly on the highway. Thank God there were not much traffic jam all the way. Some of us fell asleep in the car. We stopped in Ipoh town (Perak) for dinner in a coffee shop. In that area, there were many eating places with a lot of people. There were several shops, stalls selling a lot of things.

It was night then, we slowly drove as there were many cars on the highway. We reached Penang 11pm over and dropped few of my friends before dropped me. I reached home home nearly 12am.

All of us had a enjoyable time. I had a great time with my friends. Though there were few difficult times, we all took it cool and calm. 

Depression difficult to cope

In early 2017, I started going back to GH Physiatrist after I stopped my treatmemt for few years. My depression got worst and my spasm attacked me severely in 2016 and 2017. Neurologies doctors' told me it was connected to my emotion. That was why after I increased my spasm medicine, yet my spasm attacked me severely.  

It felt really terrible after I stopped my depression medicine.. I never knew my emotion feelings so horrible. I felt like going mad.

After what the Neurologies doctors' told me, I went back to Physiatrist department. The doctors' asked me why I stopped coming, I told them the medication didn't suit me. From that time onwards, they changed my medicine.

At the beginning of last year, the doctors' gave me one tablet. My mood was slightly better, but I kept thinking the past that people hurt me. Also many other incidents. This make me very unhappy.

This medicine also calm my mood. When I stopped the medicine last few years, I easily get angry, irritated, frustrated and many other different feelings.

Starting this year, they asked me how I feel, I kept sharing with them my negative thoughts and feelings. Because of that, doctor increased my medicine to 2 tablets. My appointment with to see doctor is mostly every two months. Early this month when I see the doctor, I shared with them my negative thoughts and feelings quite the same  feelings as before. Again the doctor increased my medicine to 3 tables.

 I felt very sad as I wasn't getting better but still the same yet have to increased my medicine. I still feel very sad and empty inside my heart

Great friends became enemies

There is one person I often think off. I knew her since childhood when I was 11 years old. At that time when I was at Spastic Centre (my disabled school). During rest time, she walked and stand by my side (she was 6 years old then). That was when our friendship started.

As smart kids, we were always in the same classroom. Everyday during rest time, she would come and talked to me. As our houses was nearby then, some weekends, her mum would dropped her at my house. We talked and played for few hours before her mum took her home. It was the same for me. My dad would dropped at her house too.

As we grew up, we became best friends' until adults. At the aged of 20, I left Spastic Centre, but she continued her studies to normal college. I was very happy for her. Every night after dinner, she would called me and we talked about an hour.

She would share with me many stories and tell me problems. On my side, I gave her a listening eat we talked and laughed.

I was happy she managed to finished her college life despite all the hurdled she faced. She was able to graduated and I was very proud of her.

When we were adults, we continue to chit-chat every night on  the phone. During festive time, she invited me few other close friends from Spastic Centre to her house for lunch or dinner.

Every weekends, 5-6 of  us closed friends spent time at the shopping mall together having lunch and shopping etc. It was really a great time for us all. After few of us had partners, we still meet at during weekends

As time passed, we had a group chat online. We talked about everything and anything, we had a great time together every night.

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We were such great friends until 2010 when my best friend and myself had a big fight over a personal matter. It was partly my fault. We quarreled a lot then. When we saw each other, we dislike each other. From then on, our friendship broke off.

Sometimes when we met at shopping mall, we don't talked at all. I talked very few word with other of my close friends. We were very cold to each other. As years passed by, each of went our own way. We hardly called each other too.

If I meet them in the shopping mall, I had some fear of talked to them. I would greet them with "hello" and smile to them. Few times, they invited me for lunch and I went. They talked happily, but I I kept quiet. I was afraid to talked to them in case I hurt their feelings again.

It had been 8 years since our friendship broke off. In the beginning we was really mad at them. When years passed, we cooled down, talked a bit when meet. My best friend and myself sadly were not like the friends before.

In our heart, we still miss and think of each other. I can feel that that in my heart, but our friendship couldn't like before again. Now, we still text each other sometimes.

I feel very sad when think of the great friends we were, specially my best friend and myself. The whole friendship was gone because of an argument.

At present, I'm not mad with her anymore. I still miss and think of her.

Mum 80' birthday

On 17 September 2016, mum celebrated her 80' birthday. Janice celebrated for her by having a dinner party at Foong Wei Restaurant. Janice booked a private room and invited relatives and mum's close friends to the dinner.

Janice booked 7-8 tables for all the guests that evening. Janice daughters' were at the restaurant early to decorate to room with birthday wordings and balloons' Guests slowly arrived, but the birthday girl haven't arrived yet!! After Janice knew the guests had arrived. She quickly took mum there. 

Since Janice and her daughters' were busy bringing Julie and myself to the restaurant.We booked a disabled van with hydraulic lift to bring us there and back home. 

I wasn't well during that time with my spasm kept attacking me. When I feel down I never like going out, especially mixing with people because my body limbs included my face kept pulling.I would feel people looked at me. I wasn't keen to attend but since it was mum's big day, I had to go.

When Julie, myself and our maid reached at the restaurant, many relatives had arrived. We started the dinner around 8 something everyone arrived. It was an 8 course dinner. 

I didn't talked to anyone at all I wasn't feel well. I sat beside Janice as she had to feed me. I didn't eat much as I had no appetite. I could see everyone was so happy eating, enjoying and chit-chatting, while I sat at dinner table just watching everyone.

At dinner, it was time for birthday girl to cut the the cake. Janice bought mum a big birthday cake and was beautiful decorated with wording written "HAPPY 80' BIRTHDAY, MUM" We took photos with everyone, group by group. Then sang birthday song and mum cut her cake.

Not many people are able to live till 80 years old, but I'm happy GOD gives my mum life passed 80 and HE gives her the strength, good health and carry on living with always positive thinking. 

                                                      Mum's 80' grant birthday 

Dedicate to my beloved dad - Pt 2

Though my dad loved me so much yet because of his attitude, I wasn't close with him at all. Frankly saying, I dislike him. Why??? Because he always said negative and discouraged me from doing many things. Sometimes he scolded/shouted at me in public. I was very angry inside my heart, but I didn't say anything to him. I cooled down slowly.

When dad discouraged me from doing things, mum was/is a positive person. She always fight for me and I got the things I wanted to do. My dad was a good/caring person, but I never could get along with him. He hurt me with his words.

I can say I'm an ungrateful daughter because he done so much for us yet I don't love my dad.

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In one morning of 2012, we found out his mouth pulled to one side. We thought he had a stroke, but his whole body limbs all could move very well. Janice brought him to Adventist Hospital for check up. He had to stay there for few days for complete check up. He had CT Scan and other tests too.

The doctors told Janice that my dad got a sickness called "Bell's Palsy" The below is a statement about Bell's Palsy. For your clearer understanding.

"Bell's palsy is a condition in which the muscles on one side of your face become weak or paralyzed. It affects only one side of the face at a time, causing it to droop or become stiff on that side. It's caused by some kind of trauma to the seventh cranial nerve. This is also called the “facial nerve"

Janice told us many people got this sickness too, but slowly they got well. Janice brought dad to Chinese massage of his face for few times. Dad wasn't a strong person as he easily gave up.


He was an active person before (going out here and there). After he got Bell's Palsy, he didn't want go anywhere or do anything. He didn't even want to do any exercise. What he wanted was lie in bed. It was really sad to see him like that. Everyone in the family encouraged him to exercise, but he scolded us. He didn't even wanted to watched TV or listen to radio (music)


He didn't want to eat solid food and he didn't want to use his mouth muscle to chew his food. Instead he requested porriage lunch and dinner. 

When we encouraged him to eat solid food for strength, he scolded each of us. So, we left him to eat whatever he liked.He became thinner and weaker each day, as he didn't want to do anything.

My dad suffered Bell's Palsy for 2 years, but he could walked around and did his daily chores. He never disturbed any of us. Other than bell's palsy, he didn't suffered any other sickness except high blood pressure. He got weaker and weaker. He fell down many times too.

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In the evening of 20 June 2014, mum and Julie was by his by side on the bed. They thought dad was resting until our maid went into their room.She touch my dad's leg and it was cool.  She told mum "Sir has passed away". I was in my room, she rushed and said :"called Janice  papa has passed away". 

We were all in shocked and panicked. My heart beat like so fasted while I called Janice. She came up very fast. I went into mum's room and and saw kept called dad to waked up, but there were no respond from him. He was gone.

Our GOD was really good as HE took my dad "home" peacefully in his sleep with much suffering.

That evening was very busy and noisy in my house as called GH doctor to checked and gave a cert to confirm his death. Janice and her husband were specially busy made a lot of calls arranged for people to bring my dad out from our house and arranged church place. All this happen till mid night.

We had wake service and church funeral mass for him. During the 3 days, many relatives and friends' came to his wake and funeral. We were all very busy that 3 days.

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Even though it had 4 years since dad death, I can still remember very clearly the incident happen. Specially those words "called Janice papa had passed away" will be in memory for a long time.

Though I didn't got along well with my dad, yet I missed and think of him often.

I dedicate this post to my beloved dad. Thank you for loving me so much.

We know you are sitting in heaven happily.


I miss you , dad!!!

My dad loved for me

My dad was a great person as he took care of Julie and myself with tender loving care. Despite our severe disabilities, he took good care of us. He always said, IT'S GOD'S WILL.

Despite taking care of us, he would do marketing for us every morning. He loved chit-chatting with the market sellers. All the market sellers knew him very well. They knew as "white-hair man" as my dad's was white hair since he was young.

He also loved/would do grocery shopping for us. He would write down the household things mum wanted and when he was free either in morning or evening, he would mostly go to Tesco Hypermarket and bought the groceries mum wanted. He would also bought the food we loved to eat.

Sometimes, when I fell sick for months, he and mum took take care of me patiently. When I was unable to sleep at night because I had difficulty moving my limbs due to my weakness, they took turns to care of me at night. Despite they had not much sleep, yet they continue their daily chores without any complained. GOD gave them the strength to carry on!

During my working days with few disabled NGOs' for years (work more than 10 years) Everyday without fail dad would drove me to work and drove me back home every evening. Since my office wasn't far from my house, whatever mum cooked for lunch, he would bring lunch for me mostly everyday. Certain days of the week, I went go to GH for physiotheraphy, he would drop me there and picked me up and dropped to work. Everyday he drove to and fro without complained or grumbled.

Sometimes, during holiday or weekends he brought the family out for shopping, mostly to Tesco Hypermarket and few other malls to buy grocery and had lunch there. Even though, it was difficult for Julie and myself to get in and out from the car, yet he and mum took us shopping (outings).

When my dad's close friend and family came out from outstation, we took them all to an apartment stay near to the beach. During that time Janice was a member then for the apartment stay in Batu Ferringi, she booked few days for us to stay them. Though it difficult to packed our things, yet he sacrificed for us. We enjoyed our outing days there

My dad never complained of the tasked he did everyday instead he accepted God's will for him.

To be continue ....

Photos in 2017

The past few years I didn't take any photos, so I didn't post up. It was because Julie and myself was very sick and I hadn't gone out. Though my relatives came out from Australia and had gathering. They took many family photos, I wasn't in group photo. I wasn't well, so I avoid myself. 

Here are some family photos taken end of last year 

                                               In Gurney Plaza 2017

                                     

                                     





                                          In Gurney Paragon Mall - Nov 17'

                                                                           

                                                                                             

   Gurney Paragon Mall -Nov 17'

              

      

                                         Gurney Plaza Mall - Dec 17'

  

                                   

At home with Christmas Carollers from our church group
-Dec 17' 

Spinal surgery

All my entire life, my parents had done all his best to cared for me and Julie. In good and bad times they sacrificed to care for us. They loved us both despite our severe disabilities. We had a difficult time during childhood days as we were very sickly, yet took really good care of us with great love.

When I had my spinal operation in 1990, my dad drove all the way to Kuala Lumpur. That time the journey took 7 hours from Penang to KL. We had to stopped and spent a night in Ipoh (an grandaunt's house) before continue our journey to KL the next morning. Julie was younger then, we brought her along as no one to care for her at home. It wasn't an easy at all during our time in KL. Mum had to care for me while I was in the hospital and dad cared for Julie in an aunt's house. We stayed in an aunt's house for a month during my surgery

During that month, Julie was very sick, she couldn't eat any solid food at all.  She had to be spoon fed as she was unable to swallow. It took up to an hour to feed her. THANK GOD dad patiently fed her milk and egg only everyday.

The surgery went smoothly and mum waited for me till I came out. As I knew, the surgery took up till 7 hours (insert a rot into my spine so I could able to sit up). They inserted 6 bags of blood for me. When I came out from surgery, I was wheeled to ICU and as I was on tubes and lot of needles all over my body limbs. I was in ICU for 2 days. Many doctors came to checked me if I could move my limbs.

Mum cared for me during hard time after my surgery. GOD was really good to us as HE sent a helper to relief mum during daytime. She is my aunt living in KL then,. She  relieved mum during daytime as stayed with me and mum went back to relieve and did the daily chores in our aunt house. She came  back in the evening to cared for me.

After a month in the hospital ward I was discharged, but we made many trips to KL as I needed to had my checkup. I believe we went to and fro for 5 years.

I really THANK GOD for my parents who loved me so much that they sacrificed to bring me for this surgery despite the difficulties. If not for this surgery, I will not be sitting up today writing this post.

Up and down of in my life

Today and the last few days I feel so tired and no mood, even though I didn't do anything much. Certain days my body condition can be very low until I have difficult in moving my body limbs.

I hate this time of the days!!!! I'm an active person, if I feel this low,I really hate it.

My head is weak and soft and my spasm start attacking me. This is my condition throughout my life. I cannot control it, instead to accept it.

This is my UP and DOWN condition in my life. I cannot do anything except to accept and THANK GOD for giving me life!!!!

Loosing one teeth

Since 10 years ago till now, I have been going to Adventist Hospital for dental treatment. My doctor was a lady doctor is Dr. Lai, a very nice and patient person. It wasn't not me alone who was under her, my whole family was under her treatment too. 

Everytime when we go to dental in Adventist Hospital, each treatment I had to pay a lot. I have to pay RM80 per filling. Sometimes, if I had more holes on my tooth I had to pay more. At times, I asked Dr. Lai to reduce the payment and she did.

It's very hard to find a dentist who is so nice, patient and understanding with my condition. She explained to me which hole to fill and other things as well.

Early this month when I went for my dental, she told me she will be leaving Adventist Hospital to another hospital in few months time. I felt so, so sad as she is the only one dentist who treated all these years.

After I left that place, I was really worried which dentist who is patient and understanding to treat me. I started praying that GOD will find a good dentist for me.

GOD ways are NOT our way. HE gave Janice the idea of me going to GH dental as her friend goes there everytime. When thinking about GH dental, I had nightmate because when I was a child studying in Spastic Centre. Many times, I used to the GH dental clinic. The driver will take few of the disabled there for checkups. The doctors were rough with us until I cried during the treatment. From then on, I never go to the clinic anymore.

Though I'm afraid but I give it try as my teeth cracked into half around 10 days ago, but it started to be painful last week. Since it's free treatment.for disabled with welfare card. I have to produce a letter from another specialist to the specialist dental department.

I was afraid when last week 16/5 I went for the first time in GH dental department. I kept praying that I will get a good dentist to do my teeth. Thank GOD HE answered my prayer, HE gave me a nice, good Malay lady dentist. She checked all my teeth, but one bottom tooth  has crack into half. I asked her if could save my tooth. She said it was big hole and she tried to save for me by filling it up for me.

A week later (that was 2 days ago), I started having severe pain on that tooth.Before I went the dental, I was quiet scared on how the doctor will do to my teeth. Thank God yesterday 22/5 she gently injected me and talked to me as I was very tensed. She easily extracted my tooth.

Thank GOD it's was over!!! My fear suddenly left me and everything was done. I felt so relief!!!

Nurse in the house

Everyone in my house are on medication. Mum is taking high blood pressure medicine and put eye drop morning and night to protect her eye nerve. Julie and myself are taking fits and spasm medicine every morning, noon and night. There are a many type of medicine both of us are taking. Julie is taking around 8-9 types and my myself is taking 4-5 types.

Someone has to be in charge of all these medicine in the house  Who is that someone? It's ME, the nurse in the house! Everyday I have to take care of 3 person medicine (including me).

The three of us gets our medicine from GH as it's free for disabled with card and for elderly people too.

For mum, I arranged 5 days medicine in a small box for her to take everyday. I have to remind  her every morning  and night to  take  her medicine . It's may sound bossy, but  I have take care  of her as her memory is not very good this recently years. Thank God, she is happy with me reminding with her medicine

I also have to remind her to put eye drop morning and night. This is to prevent her vision from getting worst. As this recent years, my mum is using one left eye to see things. Her right eye is unable to see  due to carry Julie together with my dad. That time my dad was sickly. Both of them carried Julie and the strain on mum's eye. Days later she complain of her eye pain. Janice took her for eye checkup. the doctors' found out her eye vein burst and blood flowed out internally. Mum didn't panic or complain anything. She accepted it with a good nature. Now, even only with one eye, she doing her daily things as normal. We need to take care of her one eye. 

I take charge of Julie daily medicine too. She take 8-9 types of medicine for her spasm and fits. Everyday I fill up her medicine in a small box. She takes it 4 times a day. Our maid will feed her medicine after each meal.

Everyday, I, myself will fill up my small medicine too.  I have take at the right time, once a while if I delay. My body (nerves) will feel uneasy, so I need to take it before my spasm attack me.

If we don't take our medicine daily, I feel very worried that something will happen to us. So I have to care of them and myself too. Sometimes, if I go for holidays, I will make sure I prepare all medicine for that few days. If I enter hospital ward, Janice take care of Julie medicine, if she wasn't sure, she would ask me.

I don't get bored of filling up medicine everyday or calling mum to take her medicine or put her eye drop. This is duty to take care of them. I'm happy that I can do something to help them.

                                                     Me and Julie's medicine

Online business

I saw so many sellers' selling their products on 11street online. After seeing it, I tried my luck on being a seller too as I need more income. I thought on what to sell and there was a column sell "used" items. Janice had a great idea for me to sell "Preloved items", all in good and new condition.

End of 2015, I started register as a seller in 11street marketplace. It took 2 months for them to approved me as a seller. I was happy when they approved me. Janice spent her time helping me by giving me some of her children and her good clothes to me. She helped to take photos of the clothes, but it didn't turned out well. Weeks later, Janice bought me a mannequin. I asked a relative of mine if she or her friends' had preloved good clothes. Praise the Lord! within weeks she brought 2 big packets' of nice and lovely clothes. From there, I started my online business, beginning of 2016!

It wasn't easy at first, as I don't know how to set up my "shop". I kept emailing asking 11street staff for help and advice. They were great help to me. I had to take picture of clothes, and my mum was a great help to me as she helped to me by measuring the clothes. Janice helped me too by taking pictures for me, as some pants, shorts or skirts had to taken on the floor.

From January to March 2016, I had 1-2 buyers. I felt slightly disappointed and discouraged, but I didn't give up. I kept praying to God to send buyers to my shop. God was good!! HE slowly sent more buyers to my shop to buy my items . I saw the movement of my sales as months passed. Some buyers who bought my item, came back again to buy more items. Some bought more than 1 item, as I stated on my listing can purchase "bundle postage" The more you buy, you save postage.

During that time, one of my cousin was moving house. Janice asked her anything she doesn't want, can give them to me. She said she has a lot she doesn't want. Wow!!! I was so happy. She took photos and show us the boxes of clothes and other things she doesn't want anymore. We were so, so happy!!!

That was the best time she gave us so many boxes of her used clothes, but all in good condition. They were all branded and nice looking too.

How did I sent my items to my buyers?  At the start, Janice posted the items for by going to the post office. Since she was busy with work and also helped me to post my items. I try to find online if there's a way to send parcel. With GOD's help, I found a online company called "Easy Parcel" where they make it easy for buyers and senders to send parcels.

Easy Parcel is a company in charged of courier service. To make buyer and seller easy, they are able to book few courier service to pickup the parcel from our house and send it to the buyers place. Easy and convenient!!! I was so glad I found Easy Parcel online. It make things very easy for me.

In middle of 2016, my cousin recommend me to another online marketplace called Carousell. Later I also sell in MUDAH -another marketplace too. This place a lot of people sell their preloved/new items. I started to sell my items there too. I sell my items in 2-3 marketplace.

More of our relatives and friends knew about my business, they gave good items which they didn't want anything. I even told our church friends and they gave me more items. I thank GOD for that and for sending more buyers to my shop.

I'm happy I manage to sell my items for 3 years now (till today).Though my sales went/goes up and down months after months. I thank GOD even though I was struggling with my spasm and other sickness, I was still able to kept my business going. I thank God for my mum and Janice who helped me with it. I kept learning from other sellers as months and years past. 

Since young I always wanted office/computer work. I dislike working as a seller or concerning business because I wasn't good in counting. I also wasn't good in talking to people (buyers). Some of my disabled friends was/are in business (by selling things outside in the marketplace, but it didn't interest me.

God's plan is NOT my plan. As I kept searching a job and I failed, God gave me a job - online business which I never thought before. 

I thank GOD for leading me towards the right path.