Sunday, July 22, 2018

Done the best

A week had past by again. As I know, I did my best. I occupied my time with posting up listings for sale and thinking and searching online on how to do do more things. Did Janice company work (in her house) twice last week.

I went to GH twice last week for my regular check-up at Psychiatrist Department and another day Dental Department as my filling came out. Luckily, I called for appointment and the next day I could get my tooth done. Thank God for leading me and Julie to GH Dental as we disabled with special card get free treatment. Thank God also Julie and myself got good, understanding and patient dentist. They understand our condition. 

My spasm also came and go, but it wasn't severe. I took things easy and couldn't do much work. Had to rest me. 

Thank God I did what I could and my best for last week. Another week comes again, how the days will go by, with God's help I will do my best!

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Regular check-up

This morning I went to psychiatrist department for my usual check-up in GH. There were a lot of people of all races with different metal sickness waiting to see the doctors'  We put our card inside the box in front of the counter and waited for our name to be called. After our names were called, we take our number and a small chit to the back and everyone have to test the blood pressure and  weight. Because I'm on the wheelchair, they can only check my pressure. All of us went back to our sit and wait for the doctors to called our name before we go into the doctor's room. This is the usual procedure we have to do.  

I waited for more than 1 hour before my name was called. I hope and prayed that I would get my  regular doctor who saw me twice before. Thank God I got the same doctor again. Sometimes, they would change different doctors to see different patients. I was relief that I got the same doctor again. 

This Malay doctor is kind and gentle person. He asked me how I felt and I told him all my emotion and thinking feelings/problem and I told I felt terrible.  He looked through my file and talked to me. I'm not happy as he asked me to take another type of medication. Now I have to take 2 different type of medicine. Anyway, I have to follow what the doctor's say. He gave me two weeks to try the medicine before he sees' me again.

After seeing the doctor, my maid pushed me down (ground floor) to take medication at the famisi. There were a lot of people waiting to take medication too.

I quite scare to take new medicine as sometimes have side effect or what so ever. I really pray that this medicine suit me and don't give me any side effect.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Going thru hard time

Depression turns me this type of person :

1.   I'm very unhappy

2.  I always want to be alone in my room

3.  Feel no mood and have terrible feelings

4.  Have no appetite 

5.  Though I accomplished many things, yet I don't feel happy

6.  Don't feel like mixing/talking to anyone

7.  My heart is empty

8.  Keep thinking of the past and feeling hurt inside me

9.  Though I talk to Julie and make her laugh, I laugh too. But I'm not happy myself

10.   I don't have friends'/closed one to to talk too

11. Many times feel like crying, but cannot cry

There are other feelings' too which are not good. Very difficult to express out.

The real ME

Outwardly, people will see me as someone who is pretty, soft but a boring person. Because I always looked tired, sleepy (due to my medication) I hardly talk to anyone when I meet. Though, I'm an out-going person, my problem is conversing with people. I have a phobia talking to people/friends I meet, afraid I would say the wrong words that will hurt their feeling. What I do is to keep quiet.

Before our argument (my friends and myself), I could easier talk, but now at times when they called me, I have to think twice before I speak. I don't why I'm so afraid to talk. Not to my friends only, but everyone I meet. When relatives or friends' visit us, I don't talk to them, instead I hide in my room and do my work. That's why I don't have friends'

Inwardly, I'm a strong, brave and courageous person. I never give up in whatever I do. Before my sickness, I used go out on the road on my motorised wheelchair alone on the busy road. I only went to nearby my area like to Genaral Hospital for weekly therapy. It was very trilled for me to go on the road by myself. I also went to Gurney Plaza Mall and few other places. It was a freedom for me.

I faced with few accidents while on the way to my destination. I fell dowon the road, I clashed with a motorcycle, my motorised wheelchair battery were flat while on my way back from shopping. These were the few accidents I faced while on the road. Thank God nothing happen to me. This is a great experience for me.

Due to my sickness which lasted for 2 years, I didn't go out by myself at all. Now, I have phobia of going out by myself as afraid that my spasms will attack me anytime. I hardly go out now, only sometimes go out to shopping mall with my family.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Spent time on the beach

It was a great sunny morning, Janice took me to the beach (which I went the 2nd time) in the morning where her in-laws were having picnic/barbecue there. It was a really nice place with big and shady trees'.  When Janice and I arrived, Denis, my brother in-law were doing the barbecue. The rest of their family were all playing cards. 

The beach was really nice as there were no stairs or steps. Cars and motorcycles could straight drive onto the beach. After we arrived, people of all races started came in to the beach. Some were family, others' were couple. A group of young men also came in on their motocycles to enjoy themselves playing balls . I can say people all ages went there to get fresh air and enjoy themselves

I, myself was enjoying the fresh air and played ball with Janice. After finished playing with Janice, we ate barbecue chicken and satay and other food her in-laws cooked.

I especially love to see the ocean and the water flooring. It gives me peace in my heart, sadly I hardly go the beach as no one brings me there.

The ocean is also the creation of GOD!!!

                                                   At the beach

Friday, July 06, 2018

Not a good week

This first week of July, is not a good week for me. I'm unable to do many things due eye sight problem lead my headache and my spasm start attacking me again. It makes my limbs stiff and I unable my daily work and things. I have difficulty in breathing too. I don't feel angry or frustrated now if not it will effect my eyesight or my spasm will get worst. I have take things easy. What I did watch movies on my computer and rest more.

I cannot fight against my sickness, but take it easy. GOD is in charge of my life and I have leave everything HIM - in good and bad times.  I look forward for better weeks ahead.

Sunday, July 01, 2018

Months past like the wind

Today is the 1st of July! 6 months of 2018 has passed without realizing. Could imagine time flew so fast. What did I do for the past 6 months? I believe I had done a lot of things, but I couldn't remember what I had done. Funny ya!!! What I knew everyday was morning became night.

I knew I had accomplished in my sales, the past 6 months. What I had done was my best! Certain months were more and certain months were less. I couldn't complain much as this is buying and selling. It's like our life, certain months we are doing good and some months are not.

It goes the same like depression (moods) Some days were good, some days not. I have accept this fact and continue seeing my doctor. 

What I know GOD had helped me through the past 6 months and will continue to lead and guide me on What will to come, I will not know. Only GOD knows!

Thursday, June 28, 2018

My life in GOD's hand

I thank GOD for my mum who has good health and strength to care for us. She has a strong will and positive in mind. She cares for us since we were born. In good and bad times, she care and love us  patiently with all her loved.

Many times I cannot avoid myself from thinking about the future. It's really scary when think about it. My fear is when my mum will not be with us anymore one day. She took real good care of us the whole of our entire life. If she is gone one day, what will happen to us.

Now she is 80 over. Day in and night she still can take care of us with the help of our maid. Despite her one eye side, she still can drive (short distant) to morning church and cook for us and do her daily things for us.

Despite my fear, I believe GOD has a plan for us and HE will surely not abandoned us (HIS special children). I need to trust in GOD to take care of our future.

Our life in GOD's hands. I need to place my trust in HIM and HE will lead me on!