Weak neck

 Friday, 27 Nov 2020

 

Since I was a teenager my neck was very soft. I was not able to sit up with my head straight. It kept flopping down. As to keep my head up and straight, my class teacher (Cikgu Joe) made a headrest for me. Even with the headrest, my head still falls. Some of my school friends who saw me would push my head up.

I can say I hate the headrest, but what to do as it was to support my head. But thank God, in 1990 after my major spinal surgery in KL God strengthen my neck. I need not had to used it anymore from then on.  I felt really happy at that time.

But now I feel sad my neck is getting weaker again. Last time I could sit the whole day without feeling neck/shoulder having pain. For the past few months when I sit, my neck keeps having muscle pain. I have to put a headboard to rest my head.

My fear now is my neck gets weaker, but I cannot do anything. My life is in God's hand. I can only pray that God will continue to strengthen my neck. 

Take a break

Sunday, 22 Nov 2020

 

I thought this whole month of CMCO I will not able to meet my darling, but to my surprised, on Sunday (22/11) he wants to bring me out. I was happy that he understands I felt very bored at home.

We cannot go to any shopping mall, so the only place he can bring is to his center. When he came (to bring me there), he told me they are cooking steamboat. I was happy in joining them. After arrived at their center, my daring started cutting and prepare the dishes for the steamboat. Teik wasn't there, but later he arrived with his daughters. Teik started to heat up and put the dishes into the steamboat pot. There were around 10 dishes, some dishes they bought and some were given by outsiders.

It was nice and fun having lunch with them. I quietly eat while listen to them chatting. Later Teik son join us. It has been quite some time since I last saw Teik three children together. Everyone was enjoying the steamboat.

Later that afternoon, while chatting, we talked about my wheelchair tire and break which was not working well.  Teik wheelchair tire was better, so he changed my tire with his. He also tightens my wheelchair break. I felt happy as that afternoon he could change for me.

Since there were a lot of steamboats left, my daring prepared the food for me to bring home. After getting ready for everything, he brings me home. I felt happy to be with their company and to be at my darling side.

 

Trap Again At Home

 Monday, 16 November 2020

 

As of last week (9 Nov) CMCO starts again for a month for Semenanjung Malaysia. So I’m stuck at home and cannot go anywhere again. The most terrible thing is I cannot meet my darling for another month.

I canceled my physio appointment for tomorrow (17 Nov) In fact, I can go but I didn’t want to. There are many people in the physio dept and not the same in OT dept. Their room only has a few staff and patients So, I stay at home.

People always say home is where the heart is. But my home is like a prison to me. Even though I have my loving family with me, all the good food to eat, and everything I have in my home. The thing I feel is "loneliness and unhappiness in my heart.

When CMCO people are still able to go out to work and do daily things, But for me, I'm 24 hours at home. Though I occupied my time doing so many things, yet I feel frustrated, lonely, bored, and other feeling too. This is how I feel every day.

Terrible Feelings

 Sunday, 15 November 2020

Since last month, my mind is blank again as I don't know what to write. The whole day I occupied myself arranging my stamps, take the picture and post them online to sell. 

I have many things in my heart I wanted to share, but it's difficult to put them in words. I don't understand why sometimes I can write so fast, sometimes I can't. I wish I can keep on writing as I love to write. I feel frustrated at this moment as I feel I don't have the mood and bored even though I occupy myself with many things. I hate this feeling.

Dear God, please help me. Take away these terrible feelings. 

 

Stamp/First Day Cover Collection

Monday, 9 November 2020

Lately, I took out my boxes of old stamps and first-day cover which I have kept them since years ago. Last time I collected a lot of stamps, washed, and place them into albums. Janice and my dad also used to keep lots of stamp albums and a lot of them were also unwashed stamps and from all over the world. They passed them all on to me.

Since I am unable to go out at this time of CMCO, I occupied my time arranging, wash, and take pictures of my stamps and first-day cover to sell. I'm slowly doing as there are a lot of them.

I'm doing all these things to occupy my day and especially my mind so that I don't keep thinking of negative things.

A Boring Month

 Saturday, 31 Oct 2020

The whole of last month (October) I didn't go to OT, Physio exercises due to CMCO at the State Prison behind GH. Though I wanted to go, Janice discourages me from going as afraid the Covid virus is there.  So, I had to quietly stay at home. I didn't go to my Psychiatrist's follow-up either instead I change the appointment date to mid of December.

I can say, I was at home every day. I went out with my darling only twice last month. On other Sundays' he was busy with other things.

Even though I have daily things to do, yet I felt bored and lonely as I'm in my room day and night. I continue to do one thing after another, yet my feelings are the same.