Goodbye 2010

365 days has just gone by in an eclipse of an eye. Before we knew it, it the last day of 2010. I thank God this year has passed by so fast because I can say this is not a good year for me.

In February –March, I had a taste of Independent Living for one month in Kepong, Kuala Lumpur. Even though I faced a tough time there, but I felt good as I had small room to myself and good and caring disabled friends who helped me in many ways. I tried my best to fight and not o give up, but my body was too tired and gave way. Because I had a doctor appointment, I came back and I told myself I will go back there again.

Because I overstrained myself in Kuala Lumpur and also due to the new medication the doctor gave me, I was terribly sick for one and a half month. I couldn’t move my limbs neigher could I lifted up my head. My neck was so soft that my parents’ had to tie my head to head rest. It was the most frustrating and depressing time I ever felt. My spasm attacked me every night without fail and I couldn’t sleep. My parents struggled with me. No one knew the terrible time I had gone through except God. Slowly, I recovered. I thank God for helping me to pull through.

I faced another disappointment. In May there was a Boccia tournament in Kuala Lumpur. Because I was sick and couldn’t go for training, I had to let go one tournament.

I thought of going back to Kuala Lumpur, but my parents’ wouldn’t allow me as they were afraid I would overstrain myself again. That was the end of my Kuala Lumpur life. No one would never know how much I missed my life there

You would surely be wondering why I never write about my friends lately. It was because we had some problems and I got hurt in many ways. I had offended one of my friends’ feelings and she got terribly mad at me. Because of that some other problems arise between me and my other friends. I was mad and was deeply hurt that I couldn’t bring myself to talk to them. I never realize this would happen after 30 years of friendship. Until today, the hurt is still with me. No one would understand my feelings except God. I wonder will we be able to talk again like before?

Let me give you some bright side of my life. In August God gave me a job in Joblink Centre (a shelter workshop). There are altogether nearly 50 mentally challenge young adults. In the beginning I wasn’t keen to take up the job as I have no experience about mentally challenge disabled. But I told my boss I would give it a try. After working with them for few weeks, I felt they are very loveable, happy and very discipline young people.

My position is a supervisor taking care and working together with a group of them consists of five to six of them. All the work are sub-contract work from factory/companies. It’s not an easy job because I have to control, push, scold and shout at them to do their job. It’s interesting to know each of their character and attitude. It wasn’t easy to work as my spasm attacked me quite often, but I thank God I manage it through everyday. I’m happy my work give me the chance to meet more people and see the life of the mentally challenge disabled friends.

I was happy my Japan story was published in Challenges Magazine in September issue. I was also happy me and my family get to watch Air Supply live concert in PISA, Penang.

In November , I went to Melacca for Paralimpiad (boccia tournement). We stayed in University Teknologi Malaysia for a week. I didn't play that good as my body wasn't feeling well and my spasm attacked. So, what I got was only bronze medal.

What I could see that 2010 wasn’t a good year for me. Other than my work, I’m always alone in my computer room listening to music. Even though there are some peace but the loneliness was within me. Sometime I kept thinking and thinking, mostly are negative thought.

The most important is my family and my boyfriend is there for me. I’m so relief that T.L. is with me in time of my trouble, advising, comfort and encouraged me to think positive. I really thank God for them in my life.

I have no desire to make any new resolution for 2011, but will try to think positive and accept one day at the time.

This is my last post for this year. I enjoy writing and thank you for reading my stories.

Happy New Year 2011.

Comment

Dear Readers, Thank you for following my life story. I'm sorry that I share so much of my sad stories all these while because that is what I have gone through. And it's my true feeling.

I will like it if you give me more comments so that I can know you are following my stories. And also give me some inspiration.

Thank you again.

My special day

My nieces Cherylene, Sherine and sister Julie

Me and my family

Me and small little cake

Friday 10th December was my special day, but it was like a normal day. I wasn’t that happy this year because I didn’t celebrate any of my friends’. Earlier on Sunday, my boyfriend took me out to celebrate with me. He gave me a simple gift that was enough for me.

On Wednesday 8 December, my family took me to lunch at Little Cottage (outside our house). Since it was a weekday, there was no buffet so we had 5 course set lunch. It was good to birthdays’ gathering. On my real day, Janice bought me some cakes and my family sang birthday song. At night there was a Christmas party in my centre. At least I could say I was happy that few hours dancing with my wheelchair and enjoyed the music.

The reason I wasn’t happy on my birthday was every year I have my good friends to celebrate with. But this year is completely different, I didn’t celebrate with any of them due to some problems arise months ago. Some of my family members and friends send me birthday messages. So my birthday was just a usual working day without any of the staff knew it.

I can say this birthday was nothing special. I thank God for one thing that He gave me another birthday this year. And I thank Him for giving me family who love and celebrate my birthday every year.

Paralimpiad in Melacca -2010

My 3rd medal since 2006

Penang Team

Only 3rd place -bronze medal

Medal giving

Me and another opponent (and friend) Arasu from Perak

Me and my opponent from Selangor

This year Paralimpiad Malaysia was held in Melaka from 19-26 November 2010.

Our Penang Boccia Team consists of five members. It took 8 hours drive by van to reach Melaka. All the wheelchairs' athetic stayed in University Teknologi Malaysia (Bandaraya Melaka). The rest of atletic who can walk stayed in the same University but in another place one and half hour drive from the University we stay.

The University we stayed in was apartment style with three rooms. We stayed on the 4th floor. My mum and I together with another friend and her maid took the master room with toilet/bathroom inside our room. It was really comfortable place compare to the previous University we stayed in 2 years ago.

Our game started from 22-24 November, There were five states competing -Selangor, Wilayah Persekutuan, Johor, Perak and Penang. On the fews day of our tournement we had to wake up at 4am as we had to take turns to bath and toileting. It takes time for us to get ready. Breakfast was at 5.45am. We had to wait for the Rapid Bus by 7am. Because we had to reach the Stadium by 8am, there were two police man escorting our two buses to the Stadium. We reached there around half and hour, if not it would take us a longer time to reach the Stadium due to the traffic jam.

It was very hectic on the first two days of our tournement as there were many groups competing among each other. My game was only on the first day as I only challenge with Perak and Selangor. On the third day was the final game and the presentation was in the afternoon. I felt slightly disappointed as I only got bronze this year. I tried my best to play well, but it wasn't good enough. I had my spasm (muscle pull) on my competition day that's why I couldn't play well. Overall, Selangor was the the winner.

I played my best, but what I got was the last place. I will never give up playing Boccia. I will my best try to get into international. That's what I'm looking forward to play with other contries. God please give me this chance.

My first ever life concert with Air Supply

Outside PISA main entrence

With Air Supply banner

Together with Deahnis & Jeahnis Wong family

Great Performance

At Penang International Sport Arena (PISA)

16 November 2010

Jeahnis Ng co-organizer of Star Planet handing over the tickets

10 November 2010

DNA,I love you both

Anne Anantom and Don marriage in Assumption Church Kuala Lumpur

18 September 2010

I was really happy that i attended my good friend, Anne Anantom wedding.

Despite objections from my parents, yet I managed to attend her wedding. My mum and I went to Kuala Lumpur by Air Asia. We spent few days at my uncle's house, he brought us here and there.

He drove us to the Church of Assumption where Anne and Don wedding were held. Later, Anne's friend, Paul gave us a lift to their reception for lunch in Bukit Jalil Resort. It was my first time at the resort. When we entered into the Ballroom, I was so amazed that it was such a beautiful place.When the lunch ended, Esther (Anne's aunt) dropped us back at my uncle's house. I never know Esther was such a kind hearted person until the wedding day.

I felt happy as I went until Kuala Lumpur to attend my friend wedding. It wasn't easy, but managed it.

Anne and Don, may our good God be with you both in your entire marrige life.

Thank you for your friendship.

Happy birthday dearest mum

Family photo - 16/9/2010

On 17 September 2010, was my dear mum 74 birthday. Since we couldn't celebrate on her real birthday due to our busy schedule, we celebrated a day earlier. Julie (my youngest sister) shared to buy her a birthday cake.

Earlier that weekend (Sunday) Janice (my eldest sister) and her family took our family mum for for a luncheon at Little Cottage. It's just 5 minutes walk from our house, so all of us walked there. My niece (Sherine) wheeled me, while my brother in-law (Denis) wheeled Julie.

I was specially happy because we had western food. The restaurant was full that afternoon, luckily there was a table at the corner for us. There was buffet that Sunday, some of us had buffet. The kids, Janice and myself ordered our own food. Because we ordered 3 plates, we shared among ourselves. It was a nice family gathering to celebrate mum's birthday.

Julie's special day

Julie 34 birthday - 29/7/2010

Dinner at Secret Receipt in Gurney Plaza

We celebrated Julie's birthday on 29 July 2010. She was so so happy even before her bithday arrive. On her birthday, we took her to Gurney Plaza for dinner and we had western food in Secret Receipt.

After dinner, we went shopping and took her to Artist Gallery (CD shop) where she was keen to see her favour CD, but sad to say, the CD she wanted didn't have in the shop. She was slightly disappointed, but she accepted it. Anyhow, she was very happy.

Goodbye Fr. Mashall

I can’t imagine I will be saying goodbye to a very good friend soon. He is our Parish Priest, Fr. Mashall Fernandez of four years. He is a very good priest as he is humble and kind hearted. He is the only priest who gets close with the disabled friends in our church. He is the only person who treated me like a woman (instead of a child/girl) like most people treated me.

I would go to him wherever I have any problems and he would listen to me patiently. He encourages me to follow my heart and never to give up in life. That is the most encouraging words I ever have from a person. It touches my heart as no one has ever encourages me before like Fr. Mashall. Ever though I failed many times, he continues to support me.

People come in and out from my life. But for Fr. Mashall, he will surely stay in my heart. It really saddens me to see him leave, as I don’t have anyone to share my problem with. But my dear God have to take him to another church in Alor Setar.

Thank you Fr. For caring for me these four years and see me as a woman, treated me as an adult and especially be a good friend to me. May our good God continue to bless and guide you wherever HE wants you to be.

My first experience in Rapid Bus

On 17th July 2010, we had our 1st boccia training in Spastic Centre, two months after the tournament which held Kuala Lumpur in May. We started our training from 9.30am until 12pm. Because my parents took me Julie (my youngest sister) for exercises earlier and we home around 10.30am. I had to find my way home.

Because I didn’t want to take my usual cab which charged me RM12 per trip, I asked Joyce, my coach who could drop me home. But there was no one heading the direction to my home, Pit Chong, a volunteer (who is helping in Boccia) was willing to take me on the rapid bus and company me home. I was relief there was someone to help me.

We finished our training around 12pm, because there was a heavy traffic on the main road and the bus stop was across the road. Two staffs were kind enough to stop the traffic for Pit Chong to wheel me across. In the middle of the road there was a divider, Pit Chong and another staff had to carry me over and he wheeled me very fast as the cars keep rushing by.

When we reached the bus stop, there were few school boys waiting the bus too. We waited for nearly half an hour before it arrived. When the bus came, the door opened. The driver saw us and came to assistants us, he opened the ramp (from inside and place onto the ground). Though the ramp is not steep, it must take a person who good in handling a wheelchair to pushed me up the bus. If not I will surely fall.

I heard there was an incident when the bus assistant wanted to push a man in the wheelchair up the ramp, but the bus assistant didn’t see there was a small hole in front. So he pushed the man quite fast, but the man toppled down, luckily his body was strong enough to support himself. Luckily nothing happened to the disabled man.

So, Pit Chong wheeled me up into the bus. There is only one place for a wheelchair user. He turned me round facing the back people and tied a seat bell round my waist. I saw Pit Chong went to pay the bus driver. For disabled they charged RM1.00 and able body RM2.00 or more. Since I couldn’t face the front, I heard there was a lot of noise in front and the back seats were full with people.

The bus driver stopped at many places for passengers to get down. He went round the town before coming to Pulau Tikus where I stay. Most of them were Malay passengers’ who went down in Komtar.

There is a bell at every side of every seat. It’s convenient for passengers to press and stop at their destination. I couldn’t see much of where the bus was heading because I had to close my eyes as I had headache. It was uncomfortable sitting facing the back . I couldn’t wait to get down at the Adventist Hospital bus stop as it was outside my house.

At last the bus stopped in front of Adventist Hospital, Pit Chong wheeled me down the ramp. He wheeled me all the way to my house which took around 20 minutes walk.

It was interesting as I went round the town for just only RM1.00. This is a very new experience for me as my first time in the Rapid Bus.

Unforgettable

It has been a year and two months since I went to Lourdes in France. The memory is still so fresh in my mind. It was a great experience from the time I stepped into the Penang International Airport until the time I came home.

I couldn’t imagine that I went to Lourdes, such a long trip, yet God made my dream to France came true. No one could felt the peace that I felt when I was there. It was just wonderful as I had witness so many things when I was in the Holy place.

I wish that I will be able to go to Lourdes again, if it’s God’s will. It’s a wonderful and peaceful place that most Catholics’ wants to go.

My destiny

Ever since last week I told my family that I wanted to go back to KL, they started discouraging me. They keep telling me everything is provided for me at home. They don’t understand that I want a challenging life instead of sitting at home I tried very hard to explain to my mum that I’m thinking of my future. I even wrote to them a list how life is between Penang and KL yet they treated it as nothing. I felt sad that they are not willing to respect my decision and understand my feeling. I know they care for me and don’t want me to go through hard time in KL

I want continue fighting for it, but I’m tired of telling my parents who are against my decision. I guess I have to give up my dream and stay in Penang. Is it not God’s will for my dream to come true? Why did He opened the door twice and then closed back again? Maybe He has other plan for me? I really can’t understand it. I believe He wanted me to taste the hardship, but I could stand only my parents can’t bear seeing me living in difficult life.

I felt sad that I was in Kepong centre for only a month. I wish I could stay there longer and get to know my friends' deeper. The one that will keep me back from going back to KL is my boyfriend. We have been together nearly five years, I don’t want to lose him just because I intend to go back KL.

God is my “boss” and I cannot go against His will. My destiny is to stay in Penang. I have to accept His will for me . Even though I’m not happy here yet I cannot do anything. I have to take one day at the time.

Angel pattern

I’m happy that I had finished two of my bookmarks cross-stitch. It took me more than two weeks to finish a pattern. I couldn’t wait to finished it and see the outcome of it. It’s a pattern of a little angle. I was happy when I see it. Now I’m doing the third pattern which is flower.

Remember me this way

Every now and then

We find a special friend

who never let us down


Who understand it all

Reaches out each time you fall

You're the best friend that I've found


I know you can't stay

apart of you will never ever go away

your heart will stay


I make a wish for you

and hope it will come true

that life would be kind

to such a gentle mind

if you lose your way

think back of yesterday

Remember me this way ohhh

Remember me this way


I don't need eyes to see

the love you bring to me

No matter where I go

And I know you'll be there

forevermore a part of me

You're everywhere

I always care

I make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life would be kind

To your gentle mind

If you lose your way

Think back of yesterday

Remember me this way

Remember me this way

I'll be right behind your shoulder

watching you

I'll be standing by your side

In all you do

I won't ever leave you

as long as you believe

you just believe

I make a wish for you

and hope it will come true

that life would just be kind

to such a gentle mind

if you lose you way

think back of yesterday

remember me this way

Remember me this way


Dedicate to my best friend

My Fight

Everyday I occupied my time doing many things, yet when I’m sitting in front of my computer and listen to love songs. I feel my life is very empty and I’m sad. I feel lost as I don’t know where I’m heading.

I’m tore between Penang and KL. I can feel my body is here, but spiritually I’m in KL. Everyday I’m thinking of the daily activities and I missed all my friends there. Why do struggle with this feeling everyday? I hate this feeling.

If I’m independent enough, I will take a cab to the airport. Take a flight back to KL and take a cab to my centre. This is my real feeling. Am I crazy thinking of this? I can’t imagine myself, as I had gone through so much difficulties yet I want to go back there. Am I stupid? There are many questions in my mind everyday.

The main reason why I wanted to go back to my Kepong centre is all my friends are very positive thinking and can get the freedom to do what we like. The things which are difficult to handle, they will think of ways to help us and give positive advice. Not like my family members and friends here, they are all very negative and discouraging. It’s not easy to change their mind unless I fight my way through, then I can get a positive life.

I have to fight very hard to get my independence and freedom, if not I will only be trap in my own home.

A month in Kepong Centre

After I came home for 10 months from KL last year, I wasn’t satisfied with my life. I wanted a more challenging life. I emailed Ivy from Beautiful Gate to ask her whether they could accept me back. Later I received an email from her, asking me whether I would like to accept a place in Beautiful Gate Kepong.

At that time I didn’t know how Kepong Centre was like, so I preferred Petaling Jaya Centre. Ivy told me that PJ Centre was full and there wasn’t enough helper. As I knew Kepong Centre was only for disabled guys, but a girl friend of mine who used to be in PJ centre was there, so I felt slightly relief.

I was told they have a day time maid to help my girl friend (Pei San) and I. She (the maid) will come during weekdays only. I was slightly worried who will help me during the weekends. I was told again there are volunteers to help me.

I accepted the place, but I was slightly afraid on what was ahead of me, I tried to overcome my fear because I loved challenges.

My parents’ wasn’t eager to let me to go as they were worried, I told them there is a maid to help me but eventually they agreed

On 24th February 2010, I took Air Asia plane for the first time. I heard many scary stories about Air Asia, so, I was quiet frighten to get on the plane. But I took the courage to go on it alone because it was a cheaper flight.

Thank God there was no delay with the flight and everything went well. When I arrived at KLIA airport, my friend, Valerie came to fetched me. She dropped me at PJ Beautiful Gate Centre. Later Uncle Kam Fook (driver) from Kepong Centre came to fetch me.

When I arrived at Kepong Centre, I was happy to see some of my friends’ were outside at the porch. It was nice to see the familiar faces but was specially happy to see Kenneth our leader in Kepong.

I stayed in Kepong Centre for only a month but I notice a lot of things happening there. I was happy that I had a room to myself. Life is very tough as I had to do most of the daily things myself. The maid who was supposed to help me and Pei San didn’t come everyday, instead she comes whenever she likes. So Kenneth called another maid to help me. In the beginning she was keen to help me as days goes by she became lazier but she still helped me. Sometimes when she is away I had to toileting and other things myself which made me very tired.

Despite all the difficulties, I was happy I had some good friends in the Centre. They were friendly and willing to help me despite they are in wheelchairs. They are all very independent. I was glad we could converse in English and Malay. Whenever I need to buy things/food, they would go out to buy for me and for other friends too. There were some shops and eating stalls nearby, they drove their motorized wheelchair out to buy for us. I felt very comfortable when we had lunch/dinner together as we could chit-chat and laugh.

I was working as a telemarketer for three weeks. I was happy with my job as I was exposed in talking to people on the phone. It was very interesting as I got many different responds.

I didn’t intend to come home it because I needed to see a neurologist so I followed my family back (they went to KL for few days). When I came home I fell sick for more than a month. It was already two months I’m at home. I missed my Kepong friends a lot and also my room.

If it’s God’s will, I wish that I can go back there again. When I see all my friends have so much freedom. I hope to have a life like that.

A great disappointment

There was the 1st National Boccia Championship held on 8th-10th in KL this month. Since beginning of this year I had been looking forward for to go for this tournament, but to my disappointment I couldn’t go. It was because of my sickness which lasted for more than a month made me wasn’t able to attend my training for the whole of April. So I asked my coach to canceled my name.

I kept thinking why I felt sick at this time where I couldn’t go for my training. I really missed my training and the tournament. I had the loved for Boccia ever since I started playing in early 2000.

I hope I will get to train and play in the coming Paralimpiad in November. My dream is that I hope be chosen for international game one day.

Bookmark pattern

Bookmark pattern

I sold these bookmarks to a my friend of mine, Maureen, in Alor Setar. To me is a simple pattern, but she says it was very beautiful. I was happy she likes them.

One and a half month

I had the most terrible time of my life two months ago. It was like going to hell. I was in good condition until I got home from KL. I came back was to see a neurologist which I made appointment to see him on Wednesday 24/3/2010.

Dr. Lim was a young, kind and friendly doctor. (It was my first time seeing him). He took time to see and examining me. He also lead me to see his lady boss (Dr Bow) who know more about my sickness. Both doctors spent more than one hour with me.

Because I curious about my brain, I allowed Dr. Lim to do a CT Scan test for me. My test was due on 14/4/2010 but at last I canceled it. I asked him whether there is any medicine for my spasm and he prescribed me a nerve medicine for me

Never did I know that the medicine didn’t agree with my body. When I came home from KL, my body was slightly weak, but after taking the nerve medicine I got weaker and weaker each day. My neck was so weak that I couldn’t lift up my head and it kept dropping down. My neck muscle was very painful. I had to put a board to support my head and had to tie a cloth around my forehead.

My limbs became so weak that I couldn’t do my daily things. Worst of all, I couldn’t walk to the bathroom. Two persons have to carry me. My maid and I had to struggle in the bathroom doing my toileting and bathing. I felt very scary as I thought I couldn’t walk anymore. My maid had to do everything for me. I couldn’t even hold my hp to talk or sms. If I talked on the phone/hp, my spasm would attack me. I felt so frustrated and depressed that I break down and cried.

After I knew it was the cause of the medicine, I immediately stopped taking it

After lifting off the medicine, I had difficulty in sleeping at night because my spasm attacked me. Mum had to sleep with me to massage my limbs. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. Time goes by very slow, hour by hour. I tried to relax myself yet I could not. I couldn’t to move my limbs. I felt as if my whole body was paralyze.

Mum wasn't able tosleep too as she had to massage my limbs. She didn’t complain or scolded me yet she patiently took care of me. Later that week Dad came to sleep with me to relief mum. This lasted for more than one week.

I knew I didn’t put enough faith and trust in God. I felt so miserable that I kept questioning Him when is He healing me?. I guess it’s natural when someone is sick, he/she couldn’t concentrated in prayers. I knew very well that it was my weakness (didn’t put my faith and trust in God during my trails).

Thank God I’m back to my normal self now. I cannot exert myself, if not my spasm will attack me again. I also want to thank God for giving my parents and my maid the strength and patient to care for me during my difficult time.

Boccia training

I’m happy that Boccia training is back. I got the chance to go for practice after a year of rest. I’m really excited that this year there are many tournaments. It will be an interesting year for sports people.

Our training is held in the Spastic Centre twice a week – Tuesday and Thursday afternoon 3.30pm-5.30pm. This week we have three days of practice as our coach is free to train us.

I follow a friend of mine in wheelchair who is staying in Cheshire Home to our centre. Since Cheshire Home is quite near my house, my dad dropped me in the home and I follow their van and my dad will pick me back from the Spastic Centre.

I’m happy whenever there is Boccia training as I like going for tournaments.

My latest pattern

This is my latest cross-stitch. Seeing the pattern seem very easy as there were only three colour. It took me a lot of patient to do this pattern. After sewing the whole thing, I had to undo it because I got lost and didn't follow the pattern. I nearly gave up, but I couldn't as I wanted to see the outcome of it.

I asked my niece Sherine to create the outer pattern for me. She is very good in her artwork, so she helped during her one month holiday.