Goodbye 2008, Welcome 2009

2008 was a great year for me as I went for many outdoor activities. I enjoyed them very much. It was different from other year. I feel God gave me a new beginning and changes in my life. A starting of a new beginning. I hope and pray that 2009 will be a different year for me. Below are all my activities for 2008.


11th December 2008, since it was a public holiday Siew Chin took the children for a picnic at Taman Jaya. I was invited to join them. It was a beautiful lake and the place was disabled friendly including the toilet as there was a big disabled toilet. I used my power wheelchair to go round the whole lake. It was so peaceful when I saw the lake.

15-19 November 2008, I went to Genting-KL trip with Eden Handicap Service Centre. There were more than 50 disabled and able body friends and few helpers. On the days we arrived there were a group of volunteers from Genting Casino who had a fun time with us and gave us a dinner treat. The second day we went to the outdoor theme park. To my disappointment, I could not play any of the games because I couldn't sit on it. Later all of them went into the indoor park. I didn't join them but instead I went for a rest in my room as my body was in pain. At night we went for a show at the 1st world. It was quiet an interesting magic show. I had great food during my trip. When we came down to KL, I went to the Miners Resort and I sat in an enjoyable boat ride which took around 45mins. At night, i went to see beautiful fountains. Then we went to KLCC Science Centre and Aquatic. We had some fun time at the Science Centre. We also went to KLCC Shopping Mall and Sunway Prymid Shopping Mall. I cut my story short, Overall, I enjoyed visiting all these places, but I didn't enjoy the company of my friends as most of them wasn't friendly at all. So, I felt really left out.

24th Octorber 2008, I went to a Paralimpid dinner organised for all the Paralimpid players. I was proud to receive my certificated from our Penang Chief Minister YB. Lim Guan Eng.

5th Octorber 2008, I went to The Canival in Sungai Petani with the Spastic ex-pupils friends. I had a nice time meeting my old friends again.

3-9 May 2008 was National Paralimpid sport for the disabled and was help in Kuala Lumpur. I took part in Boccia (indoor lawn ball). It is the first year I won a gold medal and I was very proud of myself.

I went for a camp for 3 days and 2 nights organised by Bethany Home from 14-16 March 2008. It was held in Cameron Highlands. I had a great and interesting time meeting new disabled and able body friends.

Struggles in life

I thought coming home for this 2 weeks holidays would be a happy time for me, but instead it wasn't. After going into Beautiful Gate Centre, I learned more things there like doing things by myself and staying away from parents. Though the first month was difficult for me yet I feel proud of myself that I could manage it by myself.

But to my disappointment, my close friends didn't encourage to carry on my Independent Living at Beautiful Gate Centre instead one of them discouraged me. I feel very sad as I struggled my daily life with God's help yet the friends I love didn't encourage me at all.

Nevertheless, I will go on with my life in Kuala Lumpur. I will not hear what others say to me. I will do my best there. If I can make it, then my dream has come true.

Holiday

I took 2 weeks off from my centre to come home for Christmas and New Year with my family and friends. I know my parents miss me alot so are my close friends. But the main person I miss most is my darling. Despite we contact through sms and calls, yet I really miss him. I could feel the same on his side

On this Christmas eve, for the first time in few years I could have reunion dinner with my family. As the past few years, I went for Christmas carolling with Eden Handicap Service Centre. This year I'm so happy and feel so free when I think I need not have to join any carolling this year. Mum cooked delicious western dinner for all of us.

And on Christmas day, I met up with all my close friends at Gurney Plaza. Instead of being happy meeting all our friends. Few of them were not in good mood and I myself wasn't very happy for certain reason. Anyhow we had our lunch at nearly 3pm! I believe you can called Hi Tea...

Since it's still Christmas time.. Blessed Christmas and Happy 2009 to all my friends. I believe the coming year is going to be a very challenging year for me. Anyhow this year has been a great year for me..

My new experince

On Tuesday, 9th December 2008, at 9am four disabled friends and I on the power wheelchair went to DIGI Centre (DIGI Headquaters). It was a very big centre. I was surprised that there were around 10 disabled friends working there. There was a big room and there were 3 disabled, 2 disabled guys were on wheelchairs and a girl on walker. My friends and I went there for an Independent Living class. Siew Chin taught us about how to we save and spend our money. The class was really intersting as I learn how other spent and save their money.

Our class held for 2 hours, then it was lunch time. We all went to up to the first floor where the cafeteria were. It was quiet a long walk to the cafeteria. But when arrive there many people were already queueing up to buy their food. But a kind malay waiter came to served my disabled friends and I.

After lunch we went back. Kee Soon, a male friend of mine wanted to go to KLCC and he decided to take me along, so our van drop us at Independent Living Centre. I waited for him at the centre for more than 1 hour as he has something to do there. The LRT station is very nearby our Independent Living Centre so both of us use our power wheelchair to the train station.

Disabled friends pay only RM1 to go into the train otherwise able body person pay RM2. I followed my friend all the way. When we reached in front of the the train, my heart beats really fast as it was my first time on the train and I was quiet scare. We went into go the train very fast or else the door of the train will close very fast. We didn't go to to KLCC but instead we went to KL Sentral. Our place to KL Sentral took at least half an hour and the train stopped 5 stops before reaching our destination. I was quiet amazed with KL Sentral as it was a place where people ticket selling place. There were many shops selling many things there too. Everything was so new to me. The people there are mostly Malays. On our way back it rained very heavily, so we took shelter at the parking lot. When the rain slow down, we went back to Independent Living Centre. Later our centre's van came to fetch us back.

It was a nice experience as I could go around the places with my power wheelchair. I feel it was such a freedom for me. And sitting in the LRT was really a great and new experience.

Life in Beautiful Gate Centre

It's not easy to start a new life in Beautiful Gate Centre. It's like newly born baby. I have to learn to do everything myself except for bathing, toilet, tranfering to bed and tying my corset. Other than that I have to do everything myself.


I knew that coming to Kuala Lumpur for Independent Living Training may not be easy especially for me as I have to dependent on other people to help me. Since Siew Chin and the staff here are willing to take me into this centre, this is a great oppotunitily to learn to be indendepent.

As a new comer in this centre it's not easy for me, as it need to learn to speak Manderin and to make friends with the other disabled here. I have to slowly befriend with them.
The are many types of disabled friends staying here. Sometimes when I see the them, I feel very sad as there are of few accidents cases or some of them got sickness before they become disabled. But yet they are so happy and accept their life as a disabled.

There is a 13 years old girl quiet the same case as me. She also have severe spasms like me towards the evening. Both of us specially need help in the evening when our spasms attack us. It's very frustrating when my spasm come. I just cannot do anything! But with God's help, I slowly managed it.

Life is tough here. But the people here has given me a chance to enter into their centre, so I have to be brave and courages to go on with life.

My New Home

I arrive in Beautiful Gate Foundation for the Disabled in Petaling Jaya, Kuala Lumpur on 19 November 2008 at 8pm. I applied to come to this centre for Independent Living Training in April this year without anyone knowledge not my even my parents knowing it.

In beginning beginning of October I got a surprise email from Pastor Sia Siew Chin telling me the Independent Living Training has open and asked to come into the centre as soon as possible. She asked me to keep in contact with her one of her lady staff Ivy Pua. I was very happy when I know they are willing to take me in. I'm so glad The Good Lord has open a door for me.

There were some hurdles and discouragement (specially from my dad) that I had to face before coming into this centre. I ingored all the negetive words from my dad. But instead I prayed with my heart that if it's God's will everything will go smoothly. True enough one problem by another were solved before I came here.

1. I have a big whole at my bottom right tooth which was causing me a lot of pain and I need to do a Root Canel. My mum approached few dentist but they couldn't give me the nearest appointment as they have a lot of patient. She also call to make an appointment for me in the Adventist Hospital but it was all full of patient. My dad and Janice (eldest sister) also searched for other dentist, but all the dates' couldn't suit me either. We prayed and at last we found a Lau Dental Surgery who can do for me Root Canel. So mum make appointment for as soon as possible. We didn't know whether this is a good dentist as none of my family members went there. So I took a chance and I believing God is leading me to the right dentist. I got a good and patient lady dentist. I was really afraid when I first enter the dentist as it was my first time I do Root Canel. I went to this dentist twice and everything was done. My heart was so happy and relief. This Root Canel was very expensive and good aunty Ai Chin sponsor me part of the cost.

2. Second problem was my Genting-KL trip with Eden Handicap Service Centre. Since the staff of Beautiful Gate had call me to this centre beginning of Octorber, I was contemplating whether to join Eden Centre for the trip since it was in middle of November. Mum had an idea that I join the trip then come to this centre. Since mum and I prayed a lot for this problem, I know God is leading us in the right way. I, actually wanted to come to Beautiful Gate earlier but because there is no one to bring me down to Kuala Lumpur.

3. As I'm coming to Kuala Lumpur for IL training and finding a new job. If the welfare find out that I'm not working in Penang, the staff from the welfare will close my bank account in Penang. That really scare me as I know I will lose my EPC (disabled working allowance) and at the same time I'm not working yet in Beautiful Gate Centre. Anyhow, I can't do anything except to leave my problem to God.

4. This is God showing me the way that he is leading to this centre. I have two big bags which are to bring to this centre. I can't seem to find anyone to bring my bags to KL, as I will be going to Genting-KL trip and we can't bring the two bags along with us as it would be very difficult. I pray really hard that God will send someone to KL and bring my bags down there. True enough God answered my prayers. Few days before I go for my trip, Janice suddenly told me Denis is go to down to KL for a day bussiness trip. Praise God that He answer my prayers! So Janice took my bags to down to KLand drop it at Uncle Chong's house.

I know God is opening a door for me to come to Beautiful Gate Centre. I can see all the things He has help me through. God really know my heart desire wanting to learn Independent Living for a long time. Now is the oppotunitely! Anne, don't give up!!!

Independent Living

Independent Living is I have been dreaming of over this one decade. My hope and wish that it will come true in my life. In May, I silencely apply for the Independent Living training at Beautiful Gate Foundation for the Disabled in Kuala Lumpur. I never thought they will take me in until last month when I receive an email from them asking me to going in. Though I'm excited and looking forward to entering into this centre, but the there are some fear within me whether I can cope at this centre as I have never been there before.

This is a challenge for me to be away from my family. I pray and hope I can suceed in my training and not to be a failer. I don't want to be a laughing stock to some people whom I know look down on me. I want to make my family and friends proud of me and I can prove myself that I can make it in life!

Yin Tsang, Annah, Kar Wei, Chin Chin and Yeap, I will surely miss you all especially at night during our chats. I know will be far away, but my heart are very with you all. Remember that! I love u very much. Wish me the best and we will meet when I come back again.

I will especially will miss my darling very very much. Thank you daring for encouraging me to go for this training. Though we will be far apart, our heart will be near. I love you very much.

My hard work is almost done

Around 3 weeks ago, I finished 4 pieces of my cross-stitch for my friend, Maureen and I receive RM52 from her. She ordered another 4 pieces from me. This time I do slightly slow as the cross-stitch cloth is smaller and certain times i did some mistake due to the wrong pattern I have seen. I have to take off the tread and sew the correct pattern again. That takes a lot of time, but I patiently do because I want to see the beautiful pattern come out from it. I hope I can finish all 4 pieces by this week.

Not that easy

I'm glad I've finished my 4th piece of cross-stitch and now starting my 5th piece. Though you can see it's small and easy to do yet the planning is not that simple as I've to chose the pattern and the colours to match it. Sometimes, I did a simple mistake, I've to re do all again. That takes a lot of time and patient. Many times, I wanted to finish them faster yet I can't because of my eye sight problem as I can't see small things too long. I can only do it at my own time. After finishing those cross-stitch my heart felt so happy.

Get Together Lunch

Sunday, 31st August 2008 four of my close friends including myself gathered at Queensbay Mall We celebrated our friend’s Kar Wei 33rd birthday and a farewell lunch to Annah who is moving away to Kuala Lumpur with her family.

Queensbay Mall is a new shopping mall and it is situated near Pulau Jerjak There are a lot of shops which most of the things selling there and the food in restaurant are quiet expensive. Because this shopping mall is very long and for a wheelchair user like me with weak arms, I hardly can wheel my chair from one end to another without a helper pushing me.

Since Annah and I stayed quiet far from Queensbay Mall more than 30mins drive away our parents would not want to take us there, as it is too far for them to drop us. So we called for a van– Mobility Assistance Penang (MAP) which have lift for wheelchairs users.

Because we are using the van service, I drove my nearly power wheelchair there which was given to me by close friend of my family few months ago. It is easier for me to move around without anyone pushing me. Most of the time my friends and I use the van service on Sunday.

When we arrived there around 12.30pm, our other friends’ haven not arrived yet, so Annah and I wheeled around the ground floor while waiting for our friends. We met Kar Wei at a nearby shop as he was waiting for us. Around 15mins later, Yin Tsang and Chin Chin arrived together with Yin Tsang maid.

Because of Merdeka Holiday, there were a lot of people in the shopping mall and it was quiet hard for us to find a place to have lunch. Since all of us were already hungry we decided to go for Pizza Hut because it is a fast food, but when we arrived outside Pizza Hut, the place was full of people. So we make our way to another place, then Annah suggested that we go to Taiwan Bull Restaurant (which I have never been before) but my friends who went there once said the food was quite good. When we arrived outside the restaurant it was the whole place was full with people but luckily there were few empty sits, so a waiter leads us to our sits.

Despite the narrow passage, we managed to get into our sit. Kar Wei and Yin Tsang could slowly transfer themselves to the chair with some help from Yin Tsang maid.

It took us a while to choose the food each of us wants. Because it was my first time there, I didn’t know what food is good so I have to slowly choose it from the menu.

I choose two dishes which was Taiwan Shrimp Cake and Mushroom Kushiyaki and a Cappuccino drink which I saw in the menu was the cheapest among all other food. Since I am a small eater, I choose some light dishes. Though both of the dishes look delicious but to my disappointment it didn’t taste good after all.

Anyhow we enjoyed each other company, we talked and laughed and I had a nice feeling. I always have a good time when I am with this group of friends.

After lunch we went around to see some of the shops but the people were like ants crawling around here and there. It gives me a headache when I am at this shopping mall because there so many people and I am not sure where I am heading and I could not buy most of the thing there are over my budget.

Our van came to fetch annah and I around 5.30pm. I went home really happy because I got to meet my friends and having a nice time with them.

Missing a good friend

It quiet a sad day as today my good friend Annah has move to Kuala Lumpur with her family. I didn't call to say goodbye as it will make me more sad. I treat her as if she is my my younger sister.

These past few years, she has been my shopping companion when we go to Gurney Plaza as we go there mostly every Sunday. Now I'm alone without a companion when I go shopping or watch movies unless I invite my other disabled friends to join me.

Hope you will be comfortable in your new home with your family and hope u will be able to find a new job soon.

Annah, I miss you... Hope to see you back in Penang in 2 months time.

Free now !!!!

It has been 2 weeks since I left Eden Handicap Service Centre and I feel the peace that fill my heart. Never hadI felt like this since working there. Everyday I felt people keep pressing me down and make as if I don't exist. This feeling is like a small bird in a cage, that waiting to get out! But I couldn't say anytihng because I'm just a "small" person with no voice.

I feel I'm really free now, despite I'm at home starting to make cross-stitch (which I think to sell) whichI've stop for few years since I started working. Despite it's quiet hard to do it, but when the beautiful pattern come out, it make me very happy and satisfy with the work I've done. I did many pattern small and big before, so I'm continue the pattern which I've stop.

Two more weeks

23rd August is my last working day at Eden Handicap Service Centre. Though, I have been working there for more than 3 years, I have no regards leaving that place because I realised not long ago I don't belong to this centre. I didn't inprove myself at all within this 3 years. I dare not bring myself forward to speak up or to do more things to show my improvement. It make me really sad because my best isn't good enough.

I will move on to where God will lead me. I have prayed that God to open a door for me where the work will interest me and it will be suitable for me. I know my God will not abandon me as I'm His child and I know He loves me.

Loneliness

I feel as if I lost all of my confidence since this 7 months. I just knew I'm not the Anne before that full of life. Now i feel so low esteem and can't express what I want to say or tell others. I really feel so down and don't to talk to anyone in my centre. I'm so frustrated everyday that I do very badly in my work. I can't seem to improved myself. The most terrible feeling I face everyday is feeling very lonely.
It has been quiet sometime since I had such feeling of loneliness. I feel really terrible. What I did everyday is keep silence. I never look forward to go to work. My heart is so heavy like dragging myself to a place where I hate to go. Only God knows how I feel!

A beautiful gaun

This afternoon while wheeling myself along a row of shops in Gurney Plaza in the 1st floor, I saw a shop selling very beautiful white gauns. It is my dream gaun which I love to wear on my wedding day. It may sound crazy, but it is really my dream gaun. A dream is just a dream.
Whether my dream may come true or not, it is God who arrange my future.

A great disappointment

Early this morning I received a really disappointed news (sms) from my Boccia teacher. Our trip to Singapore for Boccia game has been canceled. My heart felt apart after getting the news. I have been training twice a week for the past 1 and 1/2 months together with another friend who won a gold medal for the catagory BC3 in the paralimpic. Both of us are supposed to represent Penang for Singapore Boccia Game. We are suppose to join Kuala Lumpur and Johor team to go to Singapore.
I was really looking forward for this trip but I know it would be very difficult for me to travel. Because all of us will be travelling by train and I have never travel by train before.

Playing Boccia is my interest and it is a great opportunity to enter into the international but I lost this chance again. This is the 2nd time I was choosen to play, but due to lack of helpers, I didn't get the chance to enter. The last Boccia International game was held in Kuala Lumpur in 2006.

Anyhow, if I have the chance I also can't go as last minute because my mum suddenly have very high blood pressure. She is supposed to be my helper in Singapore, due to her sickness she can't go. My maid also is not allowed to follow me as she need to do the house work.

This is God's will and I have to accept it. He knows what is best for me and I can't go against Him.

An empty heart

Half of 2008 has passed and I still feel emotionally down. I feel as if I'm treated with no respect and very lowly. I feel very frustrated pratically everyday and many times I feel very much like crying my whole heart out, but it is never easy for me to cry.

What is making me feel this way? I, myself is still searching for that answer. I have a good family, an understading boyfriend and my group of friends yet my heart is still feeling empty like something is missing. Where is the happiness which I have before?

I feel like running away as far as I can. I'm not running away from my problem but away from the people here. I can't see to have the happy feeling like my colleagues who are so happy everyday.
There are so many things I dream of, yet I haven't achieved it. So I'm not satisfied with life. I know I won't be to get everything I dreamed of, but until now I have achieved at lease 40% of it. I know that is good enough, yet I still feel so sad and empty.
At this moment sitting infront of my pc, I really feel like crying.

Emotional Breakdown

This 6 months, I'm feeling emotionally very down due to my work place. I feel very disappointed, frustrated and sad on how they treat me. Practically, most of them are disabled and yet I feel that they treat me very low. Since the day I started working in there, I didn't improve much in my work.

If there are more work for us to do, I dare not bring myself to take new the challeges because I'm afraid I cannot do it. So I pulled back and keep silence.

It makes me feel so frustrated that when I try my best, it isn't good enough. In the afternoon I always feel terribly sleepy due to my medication. So it makes me harder to work and also it slow down everything I do. Nobody can feel what is the feeling I'm going thru now.

Even though few people had encouraged me with positive words, yet I have difficulty seeing the bright side of life. I hope and pray God will touch my heart to be a happier person again. And to see life more positively.

Words of encouragement are so easily said, but making it real is so difficult. I know the choices is up to me - to be happy or sad!

Paralimpid Sport 3-9 May 2008

From 2nd - 7th May, 6 disabled friends and I together with our helpers and few teachers from Spastic Centre went down to Kuala Lumpur in 2 van for Paralimpid sports for 5 days.

The game I'm playing is called Boccia (indoor lawn ball). This game is specially for Cerebal Palsy who are on wheelchairs and can control their hands and their brain are alert.

Before I went for this sport I prayed to get a gold and I trained very hard for it. I played with 2 opponents from Perak and Johor which is BC4 (my catogary). I played my best and beat my 2 opponents and won a gold.

Those 5 days was very intersting but very tiring as all have to wake up at 4am to queue up to the toilet. I'm much happier this time as we have our own room so there were no disturbance of others. All the athletes stayed at University Putra Malaysia (UPM). We have to get on 6am bus to Studium Juara. The journey from UPM to our stadium took around 1/2 hour.

Our game started at 9am. We arrived earlier to warm up ourselves and get used with the court.

Overall Selangor won the most gold for single and team game. I'm happy upon winning a gold medal. I will try my best to play better in future.