My life in GOD's hand

I thank GOD for my mum who has good health and strength to care for us. She has a strong will and positive in mind. She cares for us since we were born. In good and bad times, she care and love us  patiently with all her loved.

Many times I cannot avoid myself from thinking about the future. It's really scary when think about it. My fear is when my mum will not be with us anymore one day. She took real good care of us the whole of our entire life. If she is gone one day, what will happen to us.

Now she is 80 over. Day in and night she still can take care of us with the help of our maid. Despite her one eye side, she still can drive (short distant) to morning church and cook for us and do her daily things for us.

Despite my fear, I believe GOD has a plan for us and HE will surely not abandoned us (HIS special children). I need to trust in GOD to take care of our future.

Our life in GOD's hands. I need to place my trust in HIM and HE will lead me on!

A great time in KL/Genting

Recently, my darling, myself and friends went to Kuala Lumpur/Genting Highlands for 3 day and 2 nights. We started our journey around 9 something on 10 June. We had a smooth ride as there were not many cars on the highway. We stopped at the rest house once. There was a disabled toilet, but when I went I was shocked to see the toilet had no railings or bars to hold. I tried my best to do my toileting. I said to myself "what a lousy disabled toilet?" We continue our journey and arrived in KL town around 2pm. Because KL highway has many routes. We lost our way few times as we turned into few wrong roads  It's took us more than an hour to reach our hotel.

Everyone of us were relief when we reached our destination. We checked in hotel around 3.30pm. Later we went for lunch opposite Jusco hyperrmarket. It's around 5mins drive away from our hotel. After lunch, we went groceries shopping. We bought a lot of food stuff back to the hotel and walked around to see there were so many shops and stores in the mall. There were a lot of people specially Muslim doing last minute shopping for their Malay New Year. 

We headed back to the hotel to bath and rest. The whole evening we stayed in the hotel, ate what we bought in the room.Everyone was chit-chatting and had a great time together. For me, as a quiet person, I listen to them talking and had fun. 

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Day 2

Genting Highlands, here we come!!! My favourite place!! I have not been there for nearly 2 years. I missed this place so much!  It was very nice and cooling place to stay in. There are many entertain outlets for young and old. 

We all got ready and headed for Genting around 11 something. It was a smooth ride all the way up.

We reached and checked into a free complimentary room which few of my friends and myself are members' of Genting World Resort. As one of my friend's is a disabled, the counter staff gave us a disabled room.

Wow!!! the disabled room was very big and spaces with sofa, couch and a big disabled toilet equip with bars and railings. The bathing side has a sitting place for disabled. After settled down in the room, all of us went out to checked out the place. Some of us went different place. Few friends and myself went to see the places and almost got lost. As Genting renovated the place for last few years into a bigger and beautiful place.  The place changed a lot, we went round and round to see the new place.  

My friends wanted to checked our members card, but was really hard to find the counter. They had changed places, but at last we found it. There were many people queing up at the counter either to apply new membership cards of change new card. My friend's and myself change our membership  card.

We were there only few hours as a friend of ours' had to dropped few of us back KL hotel. We started our journey around 4.30pm and reached KL town half hour later. It was really unbelievable as we were stuck in a terrible traffic jam in KL town for around 4 hours. We reached the hotel about 9.30pm. We were all relief upon reaching as we were very hungry and our bodies ached.

Upon reaching the hotel lift, we were shocked the lift was spoiled. We couldn't do anything, so we went over to the Indian coffee shop next door to the hotel and had our dinner. Then, we went to Jusco to buy few things. Luckily, my friend took us there. I urgently needed to find a toilet, luckily there was a disabled toilet. Thank God for that!!! I was so glad to relief myself.

After bought our things, we went back to the hotel. We faced a big problem when we went back to the hotel. No one came to repaired the lift!!! My goodness, they had to carry up to the 2nd floor!!! Two of the hotel workers and my darling carried me. I was so terrible scared while they carried me. My heart nearly fell off and I couldn't breath as the fright was there. At last thank God we reached 2nd floor. 

My friends who was supposed to go back to Genting was unable to back there as it was too late to drive back. They slept in the hotel.

Everyone was very tired, got ready and went to bed very fast

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Day 3

We woke up early and got ready checked out from the hotel. We checked out from KL hotel and headed up to Genting around 9.30am. Some of them brought breakfast up to Genting to eat in the hotel room. Without much traffic, we took one and half hour to reach Genting. It was quite fast.

We straight went to our room, some had breakfast and showered themselves. Most of us enjoyed each other company talking and laughing.

After all got ready, we checked out from the room. We went round the see the places. Some of them went to played some game. I enjoyed myself very much as when we went around and see the nice places with loud music and a lot of people. There were many entertainment places for children, youngsters and adults.

The time has come for us to go back. We took off around 4.30pm, drove slowly on the highway. Thank God there were not much traffic jam all the way. Some of us fell asleep in the car. We stopped in Ipoh town (Perak) for dinner in a coffee shop. In that area, there were many eating places with a lot of people. There were several shops, stalls selling a lot of things.

It was night then, we slowly drove as there were many cars on the highway. We reached Penang 11pm over and dropped few of my friends before dropped me. I reached home home nearly 12am.

All of us had a enjoyable time. I had a great time with my friends. Though there were few difficult times, we all took it cool and calm. 

Depression difficult to cope

In early 2017, I started going back to GH Physiatrist after I stopped my treatmemt for few years. My depression got worst and my spasm attacked me severely in 2016 and 2017. Neurologies doctors' told me it was connected to my emotion. That was why after I increased my spasm medicine, yet my spasm attacked me severely.  

It felt really terrible after I stopped my depression medicine.. I never knew my emotion feelings so horrible. I felt like going mad.

After what the Neurologies doctors' told me, I went back to Physiatrist department. The doctors' asked me why I stopped coming, I told them the medication didn't suit me. From that time onwards, they changed my medicine.

At the beginning of last year, the doctors' gave me one tablet. My mood was slightly better, but I kept thinking the past that people hurt me. Also many other incidents. This make me very unhappy.

This medicine also calm my mood. When I stopped the medicine last few years, I easily get angry, irritated, frustrated and many other different feelings.

Starting this year, they asked me how I feel, I kept sharing with them my negative thoughts and feelings. Because of that, doctor increased my medicine to 2 tablets. My appointment with to see doctor is mostly every two months. Early this month when I see the doctor, I shared with them my negative thoughts and feelings quite the same  feelings as before. Again the doctor increased my medicine to 3 tables.

 I felt very sad as I wasn't getting better but still the same yet have to increased my medicine. I still feel very sad and empty inside my heart

Great friends became enemies

There is one person I often think off. I knew her since childhood when I was 11 years old. At that time when I was at Spastic Centre (my disabled school). During rest time, she walked and stand by my side (she was 6 years old then). That was when our friendship started.

As smart kids, we were always in the same classroom. Everyday during rest time, she would come and talked to me. As our houses was nearby then, some weekends, her mum would dropped her at my house. We talked and played for few hours before her mum took her home. It was the same for me. My dad would dropped at her house too.

As we grew up, we became best friends' until adults. At the aged of 20, I left Spastic Centre, but she continued her studies to normal college. I was very happy for her. Every night after dinner, she would called me and we talked about an hour.

She would share with me many stories and tell me problems. On my side, I gave her a listening eat we talked and laughed.

I was happy she managed to finished her college life despite all the hurdled she faced. She was able to graduated and I was very proud of her.

When we were adults, we continue to chit-chat every night on  the phone. During festive time, she invited me few other close friends from Spastic Centre to her house for lunch or dinner.

Every weekends, 5-6 of  us closed friends spent time at the shopping mall together having lunch and shopping etc. It was really a great time for us all. After few of us had partners, we still meet at during weekends

As time passed, we had a group chat online. We talked about everything and anything, we had a great time together every night.

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We were such great friends until 2010 when my best friend and myself had a big fight over a personal matter. It was partly my fault. We quarreled a lot then. When we saw each other, we dislike each other. From then on, our friendship broke off.

Sometimes when we met at shopping mall, we don't talked at all. I talked very few word with other of my close friends. We were very cold to each other. As years passed by, each of went our own way. We hardly called each other too.

If I meet them in the shopping mall, I had some fear of talked to them. I would greet them with "hello" and smile to them. Few times, they invited me for lunch and I went. They talked happily, but I I kept quiet. I was afraid to talked to them in case I hurt their feelings again.

It had been 8 years since our friendship broke off. In the beginning we was really mad at them. When years passed, we cooled down, talked a bit when meet. My best friend and myself sadly were not like the friends before.

In our heart, we still miss and think of each other. I can feel that that in my heart, but our friendship couldn't like before again. Now, we still text each other sometimes.

I feel very sad when think of the great friends we were, specially my best friend and myself. The whole friendship was gone because of an argument.

At present, I'm not mad with her anymore. I still miss and think of her.

Mum 80' birthday

On 17 September 2016, mum celebrated her 80' birthday. Janice celebrated for her by having a dinner party at Foong Wei Restaurant. Janice booked a private room and invited relatives and mum's close friends to the dinner.

Janice booked 7-8 tables for all the guests that evening. Janice daughters' were at the restaurant early to decorate to room with birthday wordings and balloons' Guests slowly arrived, but the birthday girl haven't arrived yet!! After Janice knew the guests had arrived. She quickly took mum there. 

Since Janice and her daughters' were busy bringing Julie and myself to the restaurant.We booked a disabled van with hydraulic lift to bring us there and back home. 

I wasn't well during that time with my spasm kept attacking me. When I feel down I never like going out, especially mixing with people because my body limbs included my face kept pulling.I would feel people looked at me. I wasn't keen to attend but since it was mum's big day, I had to go.

When Julie, myself and our maid reached at the restaurant, many relatives had arrived. We started the dinner around 8 something everyone arrived. It was an 8 course dinner. 

I didn't talked to anyone at all I wasn't feel well. I sat beside Janice as she had to feed me. I didn't eat much as I had no appetite. I could see everyone was so happy eating, enjoying and chit-chatting, while I sat at dinner table just watching everyone.

At dinner, it was time for birthday girl to cut the the cake. Janice bought mum a big birthday cake and was beautiful decorated with wording written "HAPPY 80' BIRTHDAY, MUM" We took photos with everyone, group by group. Then sang birthday song and mum cut her cake.

Not many people are able to live till 80 years old, but I'm happy GOD gives my mum life passed 80 and HE gives her the strength, good health and carry on living with always positive thinking. 

                                                      Mum's 80' grant birthday 

Dedicate to my beloved dad - Pt 2

Though my dad loved me so much yet because of his attitude, I wasn't close with him at all. Frankly saying, I dislike him. Why??? Because he always said negative and discouraged me from doing many things. Sometimes he scolded/shouted at me in public. I was very angry inside my heart, but I didn't say anything to him. I cooled down slowly.

When dad discouraged me from doing things, mum was/is a positive person. She always fight for me and I got the things I wanted to do. My dad was a good/caring person, but I never could get along with him. He hurt me with his words.

I can say I'm an ungrateful daughter because he done so much for us yet I don't love my dad.

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In one morning of 2012, we found out his mouth pulled to one side. We thought he had a stroke, but his whole body limbs all could move very well. Janice brought him to Adventist Hospital for check up. He had to stay there for few days for complete check up. He had CT Scan and other tests too.

The doctors told Janice that my dad got a sickness called "Bell's Palsy" The below is a statement about Bell's Palsy. For your clearer understanding.

"Bell's palsy is a condition in which the muscles on one side of your face become weak or paralyzed. It affects only one side of the face at a time, causing it to droop or become stiff on that side. It's caused by some kind of trauma to the seventh cranial nerve. This is also called the “facial nerve"

Janice told us many people got this sickness too, but slowly they got well. Janice brought dad to Chinese massage of his face for few times. Dad wasn't a strong person as he easily gave up.


He was an active person before (going out here and there). After he got Bell's Palsy, he didn't want go anywhere or do anything. He didn't even want to do any exercise. What he wanted was lie in bed. It was really sad to see him like that. Everyone in the family encouraged him to exercise, but he scolded us. He didn't even wanted to watched TV or listen to radio (music)


He didn't want to eat solid food and he didn't want to use his mouth muscle to chew his food. Instead he requested porriage lunch and dinner. 

When we encouraged him to eat solid food for strength, he scolded each of us. So, we left him to eat whatever he liked.He became thinner and weaker each day, as he didn't want to do anything.

My dad suffered Bell's Palsy for 2 years, but he could walked around and did his daily chores. He never disturbed any of us. Other than bell's palsy, he didn't suffered any other sickness except high blood pressure. He got weaker and weaker. He fell down many times too.

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In the evening of 20 June 2014, mum and Julie was by his by side on the bed. They thought dad was resting until our maid went into their room.She touch my dad's leg and it was cool.  She told mum "Sir has passed away". I was in my room, she rushed and said :"called Janice  papa has passed away". 

We were all in shocked and panicked. My heart beat like so fasted while I called Janice. She came up very fast. I went into mum's room and and saw kept called dad to waked up, but there were no respond from him. He was gone.

Our GOD was really good as HE took my dad "home" peacefully in his sleep with much suffering.

That evening was very busy and noisy in my house as called GH doctor to checked and gave a cert to confirm his death. Janice and her husband were specially busy made a lot of calls arranged for people to bring my dad out from our house and arranged church place. All this happen till mid night.

We had wake service and church funeral mass for him. During the 3 days, many relatives and friends' came to his wake and funeral. We were all very busy that 3 days.

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Even though it had 4 years since dad death, I can still remember very clearly the incident happen. Specially those words "called Janice papa had passed away" will be in memory for a long time.

Though I didn't got along well with my dad, yet I missed and think of him often.

I dedicate this post to my beloved dad. Thank you for loving me so much.

We know you are sitting in heaven happily.


I miss you , dad!!!

My dad loved for me

My dad was a great person as he took care of Julie and myself with tender loving care. Despite our severe disabilities, he took good care of us. He always said, IT'S GOD'S WILL.

Despite taking care of us, he would do marketing for us every morning. He loved chit-chatting with the market sellers. All the market sellers knew him very well. They knew as "white-hair man" as my dad's was white hair since he was young.

He also loved/would do grocery shopping for us. He would write down the household things mum wanted and when he was free either in morning or evening, he would mostly go to Tesco Hypermarket and bought the groceries mum wanted. He would also bought the food we loved to eat.

Sometimes, when I fell sick for months, he and mum took take care of me patiently. When I was unable to sleep at night because I had difficulty moving my limbs due to my weakness, they took turns to care of me at night. Despite they had not much sleep, yet they continue their daily chores without any complained. GOD gave them the strength to carry on!

During my working days with few disabled NGOs' for years (work more than 10 years) Everyday without fail dad would drove me to work and drove me back home every evening. Since my office wasn't far from my house, whatever mum cooked for lunch, he would bring lunch for me mostly everyday. Certain days of the week, I went go to GH for physiotheraphy, he would drop me there and picked me up and dropped to work. Everyday he drove to and fro without complained or grumbled.

Sometimes, during holiday or weekends he brought the family out for shopping, mostly to Tesco Hypermarket and few other malls to buy grocery and had lunch there. Even though, it was difficult for Julie and myself to get in and out from the car, yet he and mum took us shopping (outings).

When my dad's close friend and family came out from outstation, we took them all to an apartment stay near to the beach. During that time Janice was a member then for the apartment stay in Batu Ferringi, she booked few days for us to stay them. Though it difficult to packed our things, yet he sacrificed for us. We enjoyed our outing days there

My dad never complained of the tasked he did everyday instead he accepted God's will for him.

To be continue ....