Argument

Thursday,  23 April 2020

Being a disabled child, my mum never seems to listen to me advising her in daily things. Telling her good things, like don't eat this food as it will affect her body in pain. Not only about that, but other daily things. Telling her too much will turn out to be an argument. So I would avoid the topic. I love and care for my mum very much, that's why I wanted the good things for her. 

But when Janice advice/tell her things, she will surely listen quietly without arguing. It has always been like that since last time

I feel very frustrated, angry with myself as mum doesn't want to listen to my advice. As I know/feel, parents will not listen to their disabled child, but prefer to listen to their able-bodied child.  This I how I feel.

P/S:  The past few days, I don't have the mood to write. Feel tired, bored with life .. etc..

Another Step Further

Saturday, 18 April 2020

Before I started my Boccia training last year (2019), I thought of how to take a transport to the Spastic Centre.  I have no one to bring me there twice a week.

Janice and I discussed how I was to go on my own for training. We talked about me taking Grab Car to my training. I was happy she encouraged me to use public transport to be independent. I have never used Grab App on my own. Sometime when we needed to use Grab car, Janice would use her App.

When she taught me about Grab App, I found it quite hard to use. Never realize when I learned to use it myself, I found it was not difficult at all

The first time when I tried using Grab car was from GH to my apartment. I was quite afraid of booking the car, afraid of pressing the wrong button. Luckily, I managed to book the car and called the driver and lead him to where I was. I told him I was disabled in a wheelchair and asked him and asked him to help me into the car. When I arrived home, I felt relieved and that I have learned a new thing.

From that day onwards, I used Grab car to my boccia training. Booking the car can be easy after I explored the app more.  Another difficult task was, getting in and out of the car by myself with some help from the driver. I met all types of men and ladies drivers, some were kind-hearted and friends', and others' don't really know how to help a disabled person. So I teach them how to help me.

But my mum gave me a negative outlook on me taking the Grab car.  To her, I was wasting my money on taking Grab car.  Every time I come back from training, she would ask me how much I spent for the transport. As months by, she stopped nagging me when I told her I was enjoying the training and my game. 

Not only I used Grab car to Spastic Centre, sometimes I used it to GH and back home. Also to the shopping mall with my maid

In a great way when I see taking Grab car, as a learning opportunity to be independent in taking public transport. I feel happy and proud of myself as I was taking another step future. 

  

Prison at home

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

Since last month the lockdown started, the general public has difficulty in coping with their daily life staying at home. They have been on the go every day with their work, activities, family outing, etc... But now with the lockdown, they are still able to go out to their morning marketing, buying groceries and other necessities items.  

It's different from my disabled working friends. They faced more difficulty staying at home now every day. Their working place is the only place they mix with colleagues, friends and other people. Some weekends, they may go outings with their family or friends. Other than that, they will only be staying at home

Though I'm working from home daily in front of my computer. As an active person like me who always goes for my exercises /check-ups in GH, my weekly Boccia training, outing with family and my darling and friends. I feel trap at home 24 hours, 7 days a week too. I do feel bored, though I have online things to do. I miss all of my activities. I especially miss seeing my darling. It has been nearly 2 months I didn't meet him.

I just hope everything will be back like usual and everyone will be able to go on with daily life again.

Dear God, please take away COVID-19 completely that life for every in the world will be back to normal again.

Costly Dental

Monday, 6 April 2020

A few weeks ago, my top left teeth have a few small holes, but I didn't bother about it. Until recently, the filling came out and it became bigger. I had pain on my teeth. My appointment with GH dental will be another 2 weeks for the extraction of my other teeth. They don't do fillings for patients. 

Due to the lockdown, G Dental Clinic, I usually visit was also close. Because of that, I have to make an appointment at Adventist Hospital. After calling for an appointment, the next two days Janice took me there. When I arrived at the ground reception, the nurses took my temperature before I went up to the 5th floor where the dental department.

When I went inside, I was slightly surprised as I was the only patient there. I thought there were a few other people. I waited within 10mins, the nurse wheeled me into the room.

Dr. Yeap, a young male doctor treated me. He was kind, gentle and patient treating my teeth. He explained that I had 4 holes for filling upper and lower teeth. Within half an hour I was out from the room. I was glad my teeth were filled, but it was very costly

What to do, it was a private hospital! Thank God there was no more pain on my teeth.

Fearful Thoughts

Sunday, 5 April 2020

At this present moment, mum and I are staying in our apartment without any maid with us. Mum and I together with Janice help are able to handle our place.

Since Julie pass away, mum has been helping me with my daily routine. I, myself will do whatever I can.

Since last week, mum has been taking some "cold" fruits which elderly people are not supposed to take. 

Last weekend, after her morning bath, mum felt her whole back got muscle pull and she wasn't able to get up from her bed. I thought her muscle was just a while, but it was worst than I thought.

When Janice came to see us, mum was lying on the bed and her body was in pain. Not only her back was in pain, she felt nausea and couldn't eat anything at all.

I was in my room feeling frightened and fearful thoughts came to my mind. "Why suddenly she became so serious" Who will help me if she continues to be in bed and unable to get up etc?.  Other bad and negative thoughts played in my mind too

Janice continues to let her eat or drink, but she was unable to. During lunchtime, Janice gave her a nausea table and she rested the whole afternoon. I had lunch alone and felt very lonely as mum and I always eat together. After lunch, Janice came to help me onto the bed to rest.

I was very worried that mum couldn't eat and get up from bed the whole day.  We let her rest afternoon till evening. After her rest, I was relieved that she was able to get up from the bed. Janice gave her some liquid food together medication for her back muscle.

During dinnertime, we felt very happy that she was able to eat regular food, moved and walked like usual again.

I felt relief and thank God for taking away mum’s back muscle pain. She was able to be her normal self again.

Happiness VS Sadness

Saturday, 4 April 2020

Throughout last year (2019), I didn't write much about what was happening. I was very busy with my online sales, OT/Physiotherapy, routine check-ups, activities, outings, boccia training, outstation trips and many more.

Not forgetting about my emotional feelings, I felt up and down even with all my activities. When I was alone in my room, the negative thoughts would attack me.  I kept thinking "why keep taking the medication yet felt the same?”  Regular check-up to Psychiatrists doctor also felt the same. 

When I went for my activities outings etc, I would forget about my problems. After reaching home and back to my room. My feelings, thoughts, and emotions would be the same again.

But I thank God, despite of feeling emotion down, yet I was still active with outdoor activities.

New Year Outing -2019

Sunday,  29 March 2020

                                             

It was New Year's Day (1 Jan 2019).  As it was a public holiday, Teik and family, my darling and I together with a few disabled friends' went for BBQ at the MPPP beach in  Tanjung Bungah.

It was a beautiful and sunny day to see families with children, young, old and couples on the beach.  It was not the same as other beaches. The front of MPPP beach is very good because there is a ramp, which leads us to the shelter area. In front of it, there were steps leading to the beach. 

We had our BBQ there, facing the beach. While waiting for them to set up and BBQ set, I sat there watching the beach and ocean, few of our disabled friends' went down to the beach to collect seashells.

Teik and my darling did most of the toasting the chicken, seafood, etc. The others also join it toasting too. It was really a nice time having a BBQ there. We talked, laughed and enjoy each other company and the food too. 

I especially enjoyed watching the ocean and the people walking and playing on

the beach. I also enjoyed myself with their company.

Another good thing with MPPP beach, there was a big disabled toilet. When I needed to ease myself, I was able to handle myself as it was equipped with railing and bars.

After having a nice time at the beach, it was time to leave. We decided to adjourn to Balik Pulau to visit the Goat's Farm. I felt pleased that MPPP beach has facilities for disabled people.

Never did I knew there was a Saanen Dairy Goat Farm until we reached. I was happy and eager. But something happens to me, which out expected.

                                                     

We needed to park our cars outside and we walked into a pathway to the Goat Farm. It was a sloppy, unlevel and hard surface with small rocks on the ground. When my darling assisted me out from the car and pushed me down onto the sloppy, unlevel pathway.  My wheelchair (small front wheels) hit the hard ground. My whole self fell down onto the ground.  My darling was so scared as he carried me up from the ground.

Thank God, there was only minor scar on my face and on limbs. After my fall, I rested a while, then my darling pushed around to see the farm. As I was in pain on my face, I didn't enjoy much. But I saw a few goats, chickens' and some small cute animals in cages.

After seeing all the animals, we left that place.  We went for a ride in Balik Pulau 

before coming home.

Even though I fell down on New Year's Day, yet it was a great outing for me. I went to  different place of outings.

Thank you, God, for the minor hurt I had during my outing. and a nice, pleasant and enjoyable outing.