Love is in the air

14th February - Valentine's Day is just another commond day for me. For many, it's such a big occasion.

Though I have a special person in my life now, I still treat Valentine's Day as an ordinary day. My friend and I just wish each other thru sms at midnight.

On that day, our centre got an invitation for luncheon at Sheraton Hotel. 8 staffs from our office went to the luncheon. There were few centres' and homes were invited too. The ballroom was decorated with lovely red balloons hanging in the ceiling and all love songs were played throughout the luncheon. The enviroment in the ballroom was so warm. After lunch, there was a magic show. All the children was so excited and had so much fun with the show. There were also Ang Pow given to all.

I had a nice feeling at that time. Never have I celebrated Valentine's Day before. So it gave me a warm feeling I never had before.

A heavy heart

I feel as if I'm pretending to be a happy person. But the real thing is I'm full of bitterness, hatred, rejection, sadness and emptiness. No one can see or understand that because it's all close up within me. I don't know why but I hide everything inside that I cannot let it go.

It’s very hard for me to express myself and I don’t have the confidence to speak what is in my heart. That is why I keep everything to myself. There are lots of things my heart wanted to say but I feel no one is willing to listen.

Many times when I’m alone I feel like crying but there are no tears. My heart is very heavy as it's full of sadness and emptiness. I want to do is to pour out my feeling to someone, but there is no one who have to patient to listen me as I have difficulty in expressing myself.

I know sometimes we need time to be alone, but when at night draws in I feel very lonely. Every night I will sit infront of my computer and when I put my slow music. I feel very sad and lonely. I want so much to make myself think positive, yet all the negetive things keep pouring in.

I know my good God is very near to me, yet I can't feel His presence. He is the One who can comfort and hold me. I always wish there is someone to hug, hold and lend me a shoulder to cry.