Goodbye 2009

This year has passed again with a blink of an eye. Since November 2008 till April 2009, I was in KL Beautiful Gate Centre. Though life there was very tough, it taught me to be a tougher person physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have learned that living away from family was not easy thing as I have to do most of thing myself and certain things I have to rely on peoples’ help. Though I have only one good friend who helped me a lot, I was happy knowing other disabled friends and learn about their different behavior and attitude

There were many activities and programs for all the trainees. It was bitter sweet moments for me there and it also gave me a chance to see part of KL lifestyle. I was very sad when I left there due to my body condition.

In May another dream of mine came true as I went to Lourdes. I never thought this would happen as it was a long journey, but with God’s help I made it through. It was the most peaceful I have ever been. Though it was a week journey and our stay was only four day. I witness so many things which I have seen before. I truly appreciate the organizers who organize this trip who took for the old, the disabled and the parishioner for the Church of Immaculate Conception. It will be a dream that I will always remember.

Since I came back from Lourdes, I tried to find a job, but I failed. I applied to many places and asked many people but there were no news. It make me feel very frustrated, discouraged, disappointed and angry with myself. I occupied myself at home with cross-stitch, writing and playing games on facebook. Without some income, I feel so terrible, but nothing can be done. I prayed very hard for God to lead me the way.

I pray that 2010 will be a better year for me. And it will be a more challenging year for me. I also pray that I will not give up in achieving my dreams.

To all my friends who support and encouraging me. Thank you… And to my darling, thank you for being there for me and giving me a listening ear whenever I have problems.

When waves are low

I have neglected my “ baby” for the past few months. There is a reason to it. It was because I was feeling very down, so I didn’t want to write too many negative things. Now, I feeling better and am back to my normal self. Sometimes when I think of the past, it made me sad, but I tried my best to ignore it by making myself busy.

I’m happy for the past three months I finished two pieces of my cross-stitch (cushion covers). I have decided not to frame them because if I frame it would be more expensive. Now I’m doing a smaller piece of pattern which I hope to finish soon.

I’m also happy that both my articles came out in the CHALLENGES magazine. I waited for a year before my articles came out and I feel very happy and proud of myself when I saw my stories and photos in the magazine. I’m glad my afford of writing wasn’t a waste of my time. At least I can comfort myself that I have achieved something.

Now I'm keeping myself busy with my cross-stitch, writing and few other things that day and night passes so fast. Now it’s already December. Before we know it, it’s Christmas and New Year.

Thank you all my dear friends for being with me when the waves in my life was very low.
I appreciated it a lot. You kept my spirit going without giving up.

Jobless

It’s very frustrating in facing life when you are jobless. It has been a year since I left my previous job. I failed in my training in Kuala Lumpur because of my body condition. That made me more frustrated as I couldn’t accomplish what I have desired instead I have turn back to where I begin. How I wish I could stay longer there, but it wasn’t God’s will. I also feel very sad that I couldn’t go back there again.

I wish God will give me a chance to work again. I have been applying for a jobs but till now I haven’t receive any news. I really hope God will give me a job soon. But for now I’m keeping myself busy with my cross-stitch, writing etc.

I was quite disappointed when none of my friends whom I responded to my email me about Ebay Online (home business) . I was really dishearten as I felt no one was supporting me.

I can say one good thing, I have started a new pattern of cross-stitch for cushion cover.

I still have to go on with life despite all these feeling.

Months after months

Tomorrow is the last day of the month. I can’t believe every month flies so fast without waiting for anyone. I didn’t put any post this month as I was busy building another blog.

I started new home business - selling and buying things in Ebay. A friend of mine came to teach and everyday I learned it myself. This month I bought two things just to test my knowledge in buying things online. I haven’t start selling yet as I have to learn to buy and manage the things inside Ebay.

Beginning of this month, my uncle from Kuala Lumpur brought all my things back from Beautiful Gate Centre including my two wheelchairs. I’m happy that I got a light weight wheelchair from the Welfare in Kuala Lumpur.

I felt sad that I couldn’t make it longer in Kuala Lumpur. Living away from home is very different as I could make my own decision what I wanted without anyone stopping me. But it was specially tough as I have spasm which attacked me very often due to a lot of strain. My heart wasn’t ready to come home but my body couldn’t take it anymore. So I pray and hope I made the right decision to come home.

I’m very happy that I finished my cross-stitch cushion covers two days ago. It took me few years to accomplish it and when I saw them, you cannot feel how happy I was.

I thank God for a family who loves me and my close friends who care for me and a boyfriend who love me. This month has come to a close. I pray that next month will be another good month.

My activities in KL

This was the activities during my stay in Kuala Lumpur the past 6 months.

The cell group celebrated Ivy's birthday in an Italian Restaurant

Me & Yah Mei

MPPJ Night Fair

Lunch with CIMB group

USJ Family Day - Food & Fun Fair

Carrfour in one shopping mall just opened and they gave some of my disabled friends and I RM10 cupon.

Dreams

Being a severely disabled who yearn to do so many things, yet the physical condition stop her from going far. It was very frustrating. She has so many dream that she wants to achieve, she will not give up.

She has to let go her dream to stay in Kuala Lumpur because her body condition doesn't permit her to go back there. Her heart are full of sadness as her desire was to move on with life, but she has to go back to her old life.

Though her life in Kuala Lumpur was very difficult, yet she took the challenges. She didn't complain to anyone. Despite of language barrier between her disabled friends, yet she tried her best to cope with them. She has some good times too with many functions, church activities etc she attended. She really misses all her friends there. She brought back some knowledge with her.

Even how long her dreams and desire will take to come true, she will NEVER GIVE UP.

My experience in Lourdes 16-22 May 2009

One day before our Saturday Mass started our Parish Priest asked me “if we plan a trip to Lourdes are you willing to go” At that time I startled by what our parish priest asked me and so I brushed aside his question. That was a year ago, but I never take this trip to Lourdes seriously instead but my mum (who accompany me) was more excited than me.

Three weeks before our trip, there was a flu virus A H1N1 which attacked the whole world. Some of the pilgrims wanted to back out from the trip, but most of us having strong faith and didn’t back out. For me, if I would given the chance to travel, why not go for it. It’s an oppotunitely of the life time. If I would get the attack of A H1N1 virus then it’s God’s will. But in my heart, I wasn’t afraid of the virus. What I was afraid was the long distant journey, whether I could stand the long journey. Once I prayed, if it’s “Lord if it’s your will to allow me to go, please give me strength to go for trip”. That is the one prayer I said since our church started organizing this trip.

Actually I wasn’t that excited on going to Lourdes because I’m not a prayful person. But I know the Lord is very near to me as when I called on Him, I could feel His presence. I know Lourdes is a place healing takes place and I also want to be heal from my sickness.

I can’t believe of the hustle and planning, the real day has arrived. All 27 of us gathered at the Penang International Airport with excitement. Roslyn and Fredrick McGuire, our group leader. They were busy distributing the bag tags and mask for our face incase of A H1N1 virus, etc... I can see everyone was so busying tagging their bags. When everyone settled down with the baggage, it was time to check in our luggage and our boarding pass was given to us.

Our flight to Bangkok was at 10.45pm. It took more than an hour to reach Bangkok Airport terminal and it takes time for me to get down the plane. As Thai airplane only reached in the middle of the track and everyone has to climb down by stairs. Since there is no lift, I was taken down by a fork lift and a small van drove me and another disabled friends and her parents to the terminal, I have to go for nature’s call so the airport potter pushed me quite fast as we have less than an hour to board the plane to Paris.

We board a very a big and comfortable plane to Paris and we were served with 2 times serving. In between we were served with drinks, juices and wine. I was so trilled when I got the chance to drink red wine and other drinks all the way to Lourdes and also our trip back to Penang. It was a chance of a life time.

Throughout my journey in the airplane, I was served with good meals. When I had to go for my nature call in the plane, I was happy and thank God there were friends in our group who were willing to walk me to the toilet. I was seated 2 rows back from the toilet.

While the most dreadful place people want to enter was the custom checking point, it was the most interesting place for me in the airport. I find myself like a criminal having to search my whole body. At one checking point in Paris, the custom people have to stand me up to check from the top of my body until my leg. I find it quite fun.

Our journey took longer than I thought like it was never ending. after more than 12 hours journey we arrive at the Accueil Notre Dame (Hospital Hostel). There were 9 of us altogether, 3 disabled and our family members and 2 doctors who are brothers stayed at the Accueil. The rest of the group was taken to a nearby Hotel.

Before our trip, I was told that we were going to be spending our days in a hospital. My mind ran wild, I was thinking we were all going to stay in a hospital ward like our General Hospital. But to my great surprise, the hospital there was like our 1st class in a 5 Star hotel. I can say that it was much nicer than any hotel room I eve stay in Penang. I could feel the peace when I enter my 2 beded room. It was also very comfortable and clean. The toilet and bathroom were separated and it was all equip with disabled facilities.

The restaurant was very nearby our rooms and it was quite big and clean. We were served with French food in the restaurant. The main dish was bread like our Malaysian garlic bread. Two days after our arrival, there were a big European group consists of people old, young and disabled. The restaurant was full of noise because it was crowded with people.

It was raining the first 2 days and when I go out during the daytime and it was very cold outside. So I wore my jacket and was covered me 2 thick blankets (borrow from the hospital) a scarf on my head and a rain-coat. I find myself so funny.

Before I went I thought it would be a boring trip, never did I realize it was a great experience as everyday we went to different places. I went for the “BATH” twice because on the first day I faced language with the ladies incharged and I got into spasm. Later they didn’t take me in, instead the ladies just sprinkle water on my head and let me drink the holy water.

When I came out, I felt something happen to me. Suddenly tears kept flowing down from my check and I didn’t know why. I let myself continue crying without bothering people stare at me. At that time I was infront of the GROTTO and I pour my heart out to Jesus and Our Lady. I felt like Jesus was healing me emotionally as I have many hurts in me throughout my pass life. In my entire life I seldom cry.

The second day I went for the BATH again and this time I really went in. I was put me onto a stretcher and they pushed me into a room where there were many ladies inside. It was a different experience where 8 ladies carried me together with the stretcher into the water. I was concentrating on praying that I went in and came out without realizing it. I was really touched that these ladies were willing to carry people like me into the BATH. There were still many disabled and old people were all waiting for their turn to get in the BATH.

Another amazing thing was thousands of disabled, old and sick people came to Loudres for healing. When they were on the road, they would sit on a push cart (like our Malaysian beca) and many able body volunteers’ pulling the push cart from the hospital to a huge underground church and it took around 30mins walk and also to the night candle light and rosary procession. The Annoiting for the Sick is held everyday at the huge underground church at 5pm for ½ hour to 45mins, while the candle light and rosary procession held every night 9pm.

I went for the Anointing of the Sick for 2 days and I find it so amazing because the underground church is so huge that can take in 22,000 thousands people. Everyday all these disabled, old and sick people were taken there for healing. Only that sad that I didn’t get the chance to witness the candle light and rosary procession as my body was too tired of sitting the whole day. My mum went once for the night procession and she said it was so amazing the ground was full of people in front of the Rosary Basilica.

Altogether we had 4 Masses, we also make the Way of the Cross and visited Benadnette’s Muzeum. It was very interesting to know how Benadnette’s life. An Italian lady tour guide took to her muzium and down town to where the place she live when she was young. On the last day before we left, all of us got the chance to go to the nearby town to buy some souvenir home.

In the evening of our last night in Lourdes, all of us had a dinner together at the Du Calvaire Hotel where the rest of the group were staying. It was out of the Century (where we stay) and we took 10mins walk before reaching the hotel. We took a bubble lift into the hotel and another small lift to the restaurant. The lift was really small that only one wheelchair can go it.

It was an garden with open roof top where we could enjoy the fresh air. For me, it was a romantic place for couples can have dinner. It was really nice as we were served with red and white wine before dinner. Everyone was so happy chatting away while having our dinner. Before our second food was served, it started to rain and some of them have to move to the side. After dinner, as a compliment to our group the chef made a big cake for all of us.

I believe Mother Mary was the one who choose each one to go to Lourdes and I never realize I was one of the chosen one until I was back home. It was a great honour to be infront of the GROTTO praying to Our Lady in person and watching her.

I thank God that everyone in our group didn’t fall sick throughout our whole journey. I also knew Our Lady and Jesus protected all of us all from the A H1N1 virus. None of us had to wear the uncomfortable mask throughout the journey. It was like the virus never occured. When we reach back to Bangkok and Penang Airport then I saw some of the staff wearing mask even the Malay potter who helped me down the plane from our Penang Airport.

Altogether i sat on 6 planes to and flo, 3 big busses and a van. It was a really tiring journey

but a very good experience.

A friend that I admire

Ivy Pua, is the person I admire most in Beautiful Gate Centre. She works there as a Welfare Officer. Despite of her disability (spinal injury) she never look on herself instead she helps a lot of people. She is a very caring, understanding and a cheerful person. She takes every challenge with a positive attitude.

When I was in Beautiful Gate Centre she help me alot specially with my hospital things. And she is a good friend to me and she always give me a listening ear when I have any problem. She is also a very understanding person to my needs.

Ivy, thanks so much for helping me when I was a the centre.
I appreciate your friendship
I hope to go back there and see you again
As I miss you very much and your cell group members

Problems

What is life? It's either we look at the bright and positive side of life or we look at the dark and negetive of life. This is our choice.

There is a song "don't worry, be happy". It's easily said then done. When problems arise it may be not be so easy as we may not know how to handle the problem. To some people, it's easy for them to handle their problem but to me it's very difficulty.

When problem enter my life, I really don't know how to handle.Ｉwill keep it to myself and will not share with anyone I don't how to trust people to keep my secret. Unless the person is close to me than I will share with him/her.

This is Anne, she will keep all the problems to herself and pretend to be happy despite she is not.

Peace

This morning for the first time in 3 months, I went out alone on my motorised wheelchair round the neighbourhood. All the houses here are big and beautiful bunglows'. At the end of the road, there is a playground. At the time, there was no one in the playground except me alone. It was so peaceful that I could only hear the sound of the birds' chipping away. I went one round the ground before I drove back.

I could have sit the longer, but I was afraid of stranger. If i have chance I would go there again.

My new roommates

This month passes by within a blink of the eye. Despite my life in KL is tough but I had some good times with my friends there too. We went to some outing and I followed a friend of mine Ivy to her church and cell group. Few days before I came home, there were few Chinese New Year dinners'. I enjoyed my time with my disabled friends.

Last month our centre had spring cleaning and all of us (in the girls rooms) had to shift rooms to get to know the other roommates. Even though, I just enter the centre two months ago, I really missed my old room because my previous room was cosy and dark. Anyhow, I have to get use to my new room and roommates. Previously there were six of us in the room, but six of them had move to Kepong Beautiful Gate Centre, so now left four of us.

After one month in my new big room, I got use to it and I am happy with my roommates.