Love hurts

Falling in love is the most beautiful thing i can imagine off, but it wasn't for me as it is very hard for that someone to love me back. It is one sided love and it's sad when I love the person never return my love. Now, I realise it's never easy to find that someone who can truly love me for who I am, unless that person is sent to me by God. But how would I know he is the right person for me? Only time can tell.

Many times, I have fallen in love with the wrong guy whom I thought he was Mr.Right. Recently, I faced the same problem again. It was during a week when I was in Kuala Lumpur for Boccia tournarment when I met James who is disabled too and suffered from Cerebral Palsy. We were in the Boccia training and tornerment together and with 18 other Cerebral Palsy friends. It was during the training when he approached and talked to me, as being friendly i talked to him.

Only after we went into the hotel for the tournarment, we started getting closer. He and his friend Tony stayed only a few rooms away from mine. As that afternoon, I was feeling bored and lonely, I sms Tony handphone, but his sms return asking my room no. When the phone rang, James was the other side of the line. We talked for nearly half an hour before I hang up.

James was a good player in Boccia and he was a handsome guy. I was attracted to his looks and was admired him. That evening after dinner, to my surprised there was a know on the door. Guess who it was? James wants to come into my room, as a friend I invited him in, with a good intension. He sat and talk to me for a while when Rizuan (his friend) came to call him back. When he was leaving my room, I heard our next door friend saying "Oh you went into the girls room!" It was never dawn to me that guys cannot go into girls room until our next door friend yelled out.

After the tournament i came back, we continue to keep in touch through phone calls and sms. He called me pratically everyday and I sms him too . About 2 weeks later, he asked me if I love him? It was out of a sudden when he asked me that question but at the time I already fell for him? So with thinking much, I accepted him. Between that week, I have thinking what have I done? Accepting a guy whom I knew for less than month, I must be kidding! I didn't think before accepting him. But it was a beautiful when someone love me, calling me "daring" "sayang" and saying "I love you". It really touched my heart. After serious thinking I decided to broke off with him but I knew I did a terrible thing to hurt. A day later, I sms him asking him whether we can continue be friends. He didn't reply me until 3 day later when he called me. I ask him to accept my applogies and we start new again as friends. He agree. Now we are friends again. I don't want to loose him as a friend.

I wish to find a guy who can really love and accept me for who I am. Whom can really accept me and my chair . Who will willing to have a real committement with me. Not only acceping me, but my family too.

I have been praying for this "guy" for years now, but yet I haven't found him.
If he would be the ONE then I will know he is sent to me the by my great God.