Difficult Time

 

Thursday, 15 July 2021

 

It has been more than three weeks since I started having a severe spasm. It was when I started an online exercise. I felt really fun and exciting to do, so I kept doing it for a week for half an hour. From then on, every morning after breakfast when I entered my room my body became not well and my spasm slowly attacked me.

The nerve inside my body made me unable to do anything. Every morning, when I do my toileting on my bedpan I have to lie down. The most difficult part was to help me onto my bedpan. It was because both my legs were very stiff and couldn’t bend up. This makes mum and Janice very difficult to handle me.

Due to my spasm, it took a long time for me to urine. After urine, mum has to hold my stiff legs so I can pull my pants up. As I took quite a long to pull my pants up, mum’s hands and body were painful upon holding my stiff legs.

My spasm lasted for hours until I have to lunch in bed as I was too stiff to sit up. I feel sad that mum has to feed me in bed.

My spasm only attacks my legs, both my hands can move without difficulties, but I have difficulty in breathing.

After my afternoon rest/nap, I’m back to usual again, but it makes me quite tired.

As my spasm attacks me, I feel frustrated as most of the days I have lying on my bed. What I did to call to God to release my spasm.

 

 

Emotionally down

 Tuesday, 2 June 2021

 

Emotionally down

From the beginning of this year till now, emotionally I felt not that bad as I occupied my time selling cooking with my cousin during Chinese New Year.

As days and months passed, my mood became worsen. I feel very down as I don't feel like doing anything. Though I was in front of my computer, I didn't do anything the whole day except watched movies online.

I feel sad the past six months, as my mind couldn't able to write more stories as my heart wants to. My blog is so empty with only a few stories on it.

Though I write one story, it will take me a long time to finish. As I want to complete my story, but I don't have the mood to do so.  

Another morning at Psyciatrists Dept

Tuesday, 27 April 2021

                                      

          Another morning at Psyciatrists Dept

 

My last check-up was in early March, yesterday I went again. Janice dropped and pushed me up to the department around 10 am dropped my card at the counter and she went back.  When I arrived many people were waiting already. Few elderly people in wheelchairs were lined up in front of me. So I had to seat behind me.

I waited about half an hour before the counter staff called my name to take blood pressure. Luckily, now blood pressure taking is at the side of the front counter. I feel is easier for everyone.

After taking my blood pressure, I waited for my doctor to call me. After nearly 20mins of waiting, the doctor called me to go in.

I was happy to see my regular doctor. I told her my mood was very low the past few months. She talked and asked me about my thyroid. I told her the Endocrinologist doctor said my blood test was good. I was in the doctor's room for more than half-hour.

Since my mood wasn't good, she increased my medication.

After left her room, I wheeled downstairs to the lobby and called a Grab car. While waiting for my car, a lady was standing near me. When my car arrived, I asked the lady to call the car driver. She was so kind, she pushed me down the ramp and helped me get into the car.

I was so thankful to God for sending someone to help me in my difficult time.

Thank you, God, for helping me that morning.

 

Dream 2- Family Life

 

Wednesday 30 Mac 2021

This may be a crazy dream but I wish to have a child or adopt a child. Seeing many of my age disabled friends have children of their own and have a family. Their kids’ can help them in their daily things. When I went shopping, seeing couples/family with their baby or children, in my heart I wish so much a family life.   

I especially love baby girls, I wished so much I can have a child of my own. Severe years ago for my curiosity, I asked my Neuro doctor if I can have a child, they told me, due to my spasm medication which I'm taking, it's not advisable to a child. I wasn't a disappointment as I guess this myself.

One day, I also went to the welfare office and asked the staff whether a single parent can adopt a child. They told me it's very little chance, as they will accept more for married couples. When I heard this, I felt really sad. Before this I know there would be a lot of procedeer and it would be more difficult for a single disabled to adopt a child.

I yearn to have a family life like my friends, but this will come to reality. This is not God's will for me. I can say the feeling, what I dream and wish for is not God’s will

A New Experience

 Monday, 8 March 2021

I have been missing myself from here for the past two months. Why? I have a lot of things I wanted to write, but I completely had no mood and my mind was blank on what to write. The main thing was I had no mood.

This is what I did in January 

During last year's Christmas, my cousin Margaret suggested that we try selling cookies for Chinese New Year, so Janice and I agreed that we give it a try. Margaret and I were partners - I took the orders and she bakes the cookies). Starting January, with my friend's help, I share 3 types of cookie pictures on my Facebook and Whapapps.

It was an exciting few weeks as many of my group friends' and relatives ordered our cookies. Margaret baked the cookies non-stop with the help of her children. Everyone loves her cookies and said it was delicious, so they kept ordering. I stopped taking orders in January as Margaret and her children were tired. They also had other things to do.

It was fun and a new experience for us. I also learned some new things -selling cookies. It wasn't an easy task for Margaret to bake and arranged cookies in the containers.

 

  

My Birthday Treat

Thursday, 10 December 2020

This year on (10/12) my birthday was especially different because I celebrated my 50' birthday. I thank God for giving life until this age.

After my morning bath, mum and Janice gave me a surprise with a colorful banner sticking on the wall of "my 50th' birthday". When I came outside for breakfast, I saw the banner I felt really happy.

That morning Janice brought mum and me out to Gurney Plaza for lunch and shopping.

Firstly we headed to the 3rd floor to search for a new handphone for me as my present hp is spoil. We went to one or two shops, but I didn't find the suitable one. Then we went to Charlie Care Shop (handphone shop).

We checked out a few phones there and took a long time to discuss the hp which I wanted. The guy in-charge, Janson explained about the new hp to us.

It was lunch-time then, we find the nearest place to eat, so we went to Hide Out Restaurant on the same floor. Janice wanted to buy a piece of cake for me, and she told the staff it was my birthday. 

There were few people in that restaurant. We took our seats and ordered chicken chop and pizza. We enjoyed the food there. After finished our lunch, the restaurant staff gave me a free cheesecake (for my birthday). The cheesecake was very nice.

From there, we adjourned back to the handphone shop to test and collect my new hp. At last, I got myself a new phone. It was Janice's birthday and Christmas to me. I felt happy for her gift to me.

We went to other floors to buy some stuff. When we went down to the ground floor, I was so amazed at the Christmas decoration. It was especially beautiful. I took some photos there.

We went to Mc Donald for some ice-cream. We rested a while there to enjoy our ice-cream From there, we went to down to the Basement to buy some food for dinner. At the bread/cake shop Janine bought a small birthday cake for me.

After bought everything, we went home. Janice and mum sang birthday songs and I cut my cake.

I felt happy and thankful to Janice for making my special day a remembrance. I thank God for giving me a family who loves me so much.