Gone by the wind

In early March, I wrote to doctor Izmi, (head of Rehabilitation Department). I asked him to help me that I can be walk and also to be independent. Few days later, I received a called from his nurse saying they will arrange a date for me to meet him. 

I prayed and waited that doctor Izmi will be free to see me.  Two weeks ago, I received a call from the Rehab nurse to come as doctor wanted to see me.  This time I saw another Malay lady doctor. She told me doctor Izmi was attending some meeting. So she took over. We talked one to one as for more than an hour as there are no other patients’.

She told me the truth and fact. Because of my sickness, I cannot walk without someone helping me. If I insist to walk, I may fall down which may hurt my back. (I had a major operation on my spine) That is why I cannot fall down. I only can walk for a short distance as an excises.  Due to my left ankle which is bent, so I also cannot walk steadily.

She also told me that due to my spasm, I cannot be completely independent. I will always need someone to help. When I heard that, my heart sank slightly, but I still try my best to do whatever things I can do.

I have to face the real fact that I cannot walk independently and I totally cannot be independent.  The things I dreamt of have been vanish. This is God's will for me and I have to accept it.

If I’m given a chance either to walk or to be independent, I would prefer to be independent. Because I can do anything I want without waiting for someone help and go anywhere I like.