Calm in my heart

This week I'm feeling much better. I stop thinking of my recent problem because I have settled it. Now I feel the peace in my heart. But certain times when I'm alone, I will start thinking and feel sad again. I really dislike this terrible feeling. Certain times up, certain times down. All the mix feeling is in my heart these days. 

I hope one day my feeling with be stable so that I can feel better in my heart. 

Lowers time

I have been feeling very low for the past few days. Something happened beyond my imagination. Now I completely have no mood for anything. What I know is - I get upset very fast, feeling very sad and tears keep dropping.

I don't have the mood to talk to anyone including my friends. When I'm alone in the room, I feel very sad. I keep thinking and thinking. I feel like I'm going crazy, but I try my best not to break down.

Dear God, please help me to pull through.

Depression

On Wednesday, 30 January 2013, I went for my regular neurology check-up. This time I expect to see any of the doctors' inside the room and get my medication. Instead I was called into Dr. Eow Gaik Bee room. She is the head of Neurology and she used to see me.

Dr. Eow is a very kind, understanding and soft hearted person. It's very hard to find a head of Neurology with this kind of nature.

When she saw me, she asked how was my mood. I told her I am ok. I do not know what prompted me to asked her this question. "Dr. am I suffering from depression and she immediately says "yes". She told me all the feelings that I have and it's really true  I also read in the internet of all the symptoms' of depression and I have most of it.

She had a long talk with me about my problem and refer me to the psychiatric department. This is what I feels' mostly everyday when I'm alone - anger, frustration, loneliness, sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness and mostly isolate myself in my room.

I tried my best to stay active and forget about my problems, but certain time all these feelings will come onto me. It makes me feel very miserable and terrible about myself.

This is what I face these few years. I try to fight against it, yet I fail. Thank God until now, I'm still ALIVE!