A day in Jabil

Last Friday my colleague and I went to Jabil factory to sell Handicraft. The gave us 2 days to sell our things. Earlier 1 day, my 2 other other colleagues went to sell in another branch of the same company.

Few days earlier, when I was asked to sell these handicraft in the factory. The first thing I feared was my toileting problem, as I know most factories don't have disabled toilet. That few days I prayed really hard to God to send people to help me with my toileting. So I went with couraged and the rest I depend on God to help me.

The first thing we went was to the factory's cafeteria (where we sell our things). I was amazed that cafeteria was so big with six computers behind where our things were place. After arranging our things, the factory workers slowly came in. Just a flick of a second, the cafeteria were full of people (most of the workers were young malay ladies). The workers came in and out of the cafeteria none stop. Many of them were impressed with our handicraft and bought our things.

When I wanted to go the toilet, I asked Ah Beng, my colleague to ask people if there's any disabled toilet. Praise God there was a disabled toilet just outside the cafeteria. I could handle myself alone with anyone's help. The disable toilet was very big with ralling at the side. I knew God was helping me all while when I was in the toilet.

When lunchtime came, we bought our food at the cafeteria. I was surpised the food cater for was very cheap. Many dishes were served on the table, we could take any dishes we like and we were given free drinks.

The most important thing was we gain quiet a lot from our sales. I was really happy and relief after that day was over. God was with me throughout that day and He helped me.

A Hot Sunday Afternoon

Today is very hot day. Since none of my friends ask me ask anywhere, I obediently stayed at home. Though I don't usually be at home this time of the hour, I feel slightly funny as I'm always out on Sunday afternoon.

So I'm in front of my computer writing my story and doing other things as well. When come to think of it. If I go out more often I will surely spend my money. So be a good girl and rest at home for one Sunday.

What is Life !

There are few dinners which will be held in my Centre this month, but I completely don't have the heart to attend. The feeling of mixing around with the staff is just not there. The mood is just completely gone.

I don't know why I'm feeling so emotionally down since beginning of this year. My heart feel so empty and heavy that I don't feel like mixing with anyone. I can feel very lonely and depress. I really don't know what to to do. Someone please advice me! I need help.

Happy Birthday My Dear Friend

This afternoon we had a small gathering to celebrate Yeap's birthday. We had lunch at BBQ Chicken Restaurant in Gurney Plaza. Even though, it was a hot day yet we enjoyed the company of each other and also the food.

Annah, Y.Tsang and I shared a family plate of chicken, potatos and salad. The food was quite nice. The rest ordered their own food. This was my first time at this restaurant.

After lunch, we went our seprate ways. Yeap and Ah San went for a movie, Annah, Kar Wei. Y. Tsang and I hanged around the 3rd floor. I went to buy some things while the others checked out handphones.

It was really a nice gathering as we seldom meet so our birthdays is a get together for us all.

Yeap, Happy Birthday. Hope you will be happy on your special day!

One of those days

Since I started my work again after the New Year, I felt very sad, lonely and depressed. I feel life is so meaningless and I don't feel like going on living. I really want someone to hug me and I can cry my heart out. Why do I feel this way suddenly?

When I want to share my problems there is no one there for me, so I keep all things in my heart.

I feel really frustrated and low-self esterm. Many times I hated myself as I don't know how to handle my problem. I'm too dependen on myself without relying on God's to help me. I'm just too sad and my brain is too close on the negetive things. I can't seem to be able to think positive.

I'm trying my best to see things more positively.

Happy 2008 !!!!

Happy New Year 2008! It was a really happy day for me as I spent the whole day with Ah Pin. He picked me up around 12pm then we went for a movie (Alien vs Preditor 2). It was a thrilling movie. I kept jumping up as certain parts of movie as it was quite scary, he hug me tightly. It was a good and exiciting movie.

After the show, we went for lunch. We went for Korean Seafood Mee. We ordered 1 bowl and 2 of us shared. The food wasn't very nice. Later, we went to a quiet place to talked. The time we spent together is very precious to me as I don't get to see him often because of his work time.

We went to Teluk Bahang beach, there were not many people. It was very windy and we could hear the ocean and it was really peaceful. Both of us rested in the car while he took a short nap. When he woke up, we talked about our problems and things that were in our heart. I didn't want the time move, so that we could have more time together. Anyhow time have to go on. So we left the place for dinner.

We went to Face Steak Restaurant for dinner. This is our 4th time there as, it's our favour place. It was quiet and romantic with small lights hanging on the ceiling. There were also candles on each tables. We choose the table by the corner. We had Lamp Chop 1 plate (2 of us shared). There were 2 chinese guy singing chinese songs on stage.

It was a beautiful time for me when I'm with him. I'm sad when he had to drop me home as I don't know when we will meet again. The feeling was simply wonderful that no one can feel it

Simple gathering

On Sunday, 11th Nov, we had a simple gathering to celebrate Annah's birthday at Gurney Plaza. Since our group haven't met for the past 2 months, it was nice to see everyone again. There were altogether 8 of us and had lunch at Breek Cafe.

It was the nearest restaurant for us to go to. When we were at the place, we conbined 3 tables together. I notice we were the only group of people at the restaurant. Since it was open air, we enjoyed the breeze and each others company while waiting for the food to be served.

We really enjoyed our lunch. After lunch, few of us went their own way to do their shopping. But most of us went together for window shopping.

After our window shopping and few of them already gone back, I treated Annah at Starbuck because I didn't buy anything for her and we had a nice time together.

I believe Annah was really happy on that day. It was nice get together.

"Happy Birthday Annah!"

Independent Living

What is Independent Living for a severe disabled?

It is not that you can do everything by our own then we consider Independent Living. Many things I may not able to, do, people may think i'm not Independent. The main thing for Independent Living is making our own choice and decision. What we desire, wish and hope to do, we must go for it.

It may be very difficult, but we must fight for our Independence. Many people may discouraged us because we always dependent on others, They don't know the real meaning to "Independent Living"

Life is always tough, but never give up.

My cute rabbit

You cannot imagine this cute animal is my favourite pet.

I've been wanting a rabbit as my pet since years ago, but I will never get to rear it because of my condition. It's hard for me to take care of animals unless someone help me. My mum also don't like animals in the house. When I see rabbits in my relatives house I will be happy.
Our neighbour has a cute white rabbit, sometimes when they will bring it out to the front garden for some fresh air. I will get the chance to see and admire it.

Darkest moment in life

Life has never been a plain sailing for me. The big ocean wave will hit me now and then. Many times I feel like drowing as I couldn't catch my breath. But yet I still survive!

This is how I feel every time my spasm attack me. It's has been a real struggle for me when my "attack" comes. How I wish this "thing" will leave my body and give me an easier life? My spasm would not only pull my limbs but it makes me very tired and weak.


This is how I felt at the present moment. It make all my movement very slow. It's exectly like my brain is jam up. It makes me very frustrated when my attack come. I will be very mad because I cannot do the things I wanted to do. I tried to control myself as I would not break down. Many times I felt like crying, but I stayed strong.

No one can understand how I felt the past 2 week, as I struggled with my spasm until I had to take few days off from work. It was too severe that I had difficulty in breathing. My spirit determined to go on, but my body won't' permit. So I have to give in to my body and rest my body.

I know my condition is so much better compare before. But my greatest wish is for God to heal my spasm complete, so I can improve more in life.

Love is in the air

14th February - Valentine's Day is just another commond day for me. For many, it's such a big occasion.

Though I have a special person in my life now, I still treat Valentine's Day as an ordinary day. My friend and I just wish each other thru sms at midnight.

On that day, our centre got an invitation for luncheon at Sheraton Hotel. 8 staffs from our office went to the luncheon. There were few centres' and homes were invited too. The ballroom was decorated with lovely red balloons hanging in the ceiling and all love songs were played throughout the luncheon. The enviroment in the ballroom was so warm. After lunch, there was a magic show. All the children was so excited and had so much fun with the show. There were also Ang Pow given to all.

I had a nice feeling at that time. Never have I celebrated Valentine's Day before. So it gave me a warm feeling I never had before.

A heavy heart

I feel as if I'm pretending to be a happy person. But the real thing is I'm full of bitterness, hatred, rejection, sadness and emptiness. No one can see or understand that because it's all close up within me. I don't know why but I hide everything inside that I cannot let it go.

It’s very hard for me to express myself and I don’t have the confidence to speak what is in my heart. That is why I keep everything to myself. There are lots of things my heart wanted to say but I feel no one is willing to listen.

Many times when I’m alone I feel like crying but there are no tears. My heart is very heavy as it's full of sadness and emptiness. I want to do is to pour out my feeling to someone, but there is no one who have to patient to listen me as I have difficulty in expressing myself.

I know sometimes we need time to be alone, but when at night draws in I feel very lonely. Every night I will sit infront of my computer and when I put my slow music. I feel very sad and lonely. I want so much to make myself think positive, yet all the negetive things keep pouring in.

I know my good God is very near to me, yet I can't feel His presence. He is the One who can comfort and hold me. I always wish there is someone to hug, hold and lend me a shoulder to cry.

A year older again

Today I turn 36. Year by year by past so fast that with a blink of an eye I'm now a year older again.

Today is just like any normal day. Few of my close friends who remember my birthday, sms me during midnight. When I woke up in the morning, I was happy to see their messages.

As usual, I went to church for Mass this morning and pray for God's blessing be upon me for this day and for the coming days. My family members' , few aunty and close relatives gave me Ang Pow (red packets) and some gifts.

This afternoon I went to Christmas Carolling with my Eden Centre staffs' at Island Plaza Mall. I was quiet disappointed no one remember my birthday. I can't blame them as everyone was so busy with this Christmas Carolling fund raising project. I spent 3 hours with my friends at the mall singing christmas carols for our centre fun raising project. This year I only help them in carrying the donation box. I didn't go up the stage.

I was happy that only 1 person wish me Happy Birthday and he is the person I most cared for. I thought he has forgotten, but I was really glad he remembered. That's the most important for me!



P/S: Sorry there is no photo.

Party at Sheraton Hotel

Merdeka Day - 31st August, Sheraton Hotel organised a party for few disabled centres eg: Cheshire Home, Boys Ophanage and Eden Handicap Service Centre. When I saw the programmers' which was fax to us by the person in-charge of the function. We were quiet disappointed because all the was programmers were for children. Anyhow I went, never know it turned out to be I had the nicest time with my friends.

When we all arrived, we gather together outside the ballroom which was on the 1st floor. We waited for nearly half an hour before all of us got to go inside. It was nice that all my wheelchair friends' and I had a table to ourselves at the corner.

The party started with serving of food. Since our table was quite far from the front, we could only hear what the MC was talking. Since we couldn't see much was happening, we just enjoy each other company. We talked, laughed and crack jokes. I can feel the warm between us all.

Later, after lunch there was a magic show, It didn't interest any of us. So what we did was talk among each other. The party ended around 2pm. I really enjoy the time with my friends.

Back to Eden Centre

Since I stopped working at Copthorne Hotel, I told myself I need to find a job. Baggers cannot choose, so I decide to asked for my old job at Eden Centre again. Before I left Copthorne Hotel, I asked Bertie if there is a place for me back in the office, but he didn't answer me (as I wrote an email to him). Later in middle of June, he called me in to his office and had a talk with me. He offered me my job back, but I have to take it slow. Because before I left for Copthorne Hotel, I did a lot of mistakes in my database. I was really sad that I didn't improve at all in my working states.

Beginning of July I start work. I was thankful that Bertie gave me a second chance. I promise myself to do my best, with God's help. I can say that I'm happy with my work and my friends around me.

Down Hill

Since I came back from Kuala Lumpur a month ago, I was infected with urinary infection. I had never had with this problem before until last month. Since I was still on leave, I asked Mum to take me to the General Hospital for check-up. I went to the out-patient section where I waited only about half an hour. When I went in, the doctor asked me a few questions and asked me for a urinanry test. Later, when I came back the young lady doctor told me my urine was not clear and prescribe Antibotics and few other medicines.

I never realise that the Antibotics was a heavy dose until the second day after taking it my whole body slowly become weaken and weakan and my spasm attack me very severely that it made me couldn't do anything at all. The past 3 weeks was the most frustrating time I have ever had since sometime back. What I could do was rest.

It had been one month since I took the Antibotic, the feeling of going down has been very easy but picking up is terribly hard. That the most frustating thing I face. This month had been really bad. I hope in months to come will be better for me!

My last day

I never knew, my probation lasted only 2 months. After getting to know how to deal with the switch board and all the things I have learned. Also all the people I have met, 31st May was my last day of work. Though there were many calls came in, I thought I handled well in time to come. I did make some mistake and people complain about me. And I thought I was slowly doing my best, but it seemed my best wasn't good enough.

When my boss Mr Ong asked to see my dad a week before I resigned, I knew something was wrong. I was quiet annoyed with Mr. Ong as he didn't want to see me personally, but instead he wanted to talk to my dad alone. What I have guess came true, my boss told my dad that I couldn't cope with the job as there were too much stress. Actually, I could do it, only that the calls keep coming in and my fingers wasn't fast enough to catch all the calls. That was why I press the wrong buttons and send to the wrong department . This is why I had some complains.

I was quiet disappointed on losing such a good job. I feel like a loser as I have this great oppotunitely to work in a hotel yet I couldn't cope with the job given to me. What can I do except to accept it.

God gave me 2 only months of experience of working outside. To know how's outside work was like and an eye opener for me and the job wasn't that easy as I think. Sometimes, I wonder why God opens the door, then close it back. There is a reason for it. What I learnt from that 2 months was money cannot buy happiness!

Copthorne Hotel, here I come Pt 2.

In the beginning, the people there were quiet "cool" towards me. I can understand that because I'm the only disabled working there. As time past, I got to know their name and make friends with them. It's really hard to minggle with other staff during lunch time as my time is short, only 45mins. Going to the toilet already taken 10mins of my time. And I had to wheel up to the 9th floor where the staff canteen is. That already take some of my time, but if I meet with some staff who is going for lunch, they will help wheel me. So, I have to eat fast and go back to work. How do I have the chance to make friends with any of them?

When I'm in difficulty wheeling my chair, some of the staff will come to my aid, but some see me like an "alien". I had one experience, when I enter into the lift going uo 9th floor for lunch. I was in the lift with another guy staff, when the lift opened, he rushed out as if he saw a "ghost". I don't blame him as I know he has never been near to any disabled before.

Most of the staff are helpful, when they see that I have difficulty to take food the will come to help. But most of the time, Kakak Devi who is incharge of the staff canteen will help to take food and make drink for me. She is a really nice lady.

Most of the front office staff (receptionists') are good, kind and patient with me especially the older staff. Rajes is the one who teaches me all operating things because she was the operator before for many years. Few others, are quiet impatient with me. They didn't want to teach me instead they do it themselves. I believe that's call human!

Copthorne Hotel, here I come Pt 1.

I left Eden Handicap Service Centre since middle of March after working there for nearly 2 years. I was happy working there until I found a new job at Copthorne Orchid Hotel.

I really thought that this job was given to me by God, as I never search for it. It came to me all in a sudden. I started working there on the 20th March, as a Guest Relation Officer (GRO). I had many things to learn, on how to handle the switch board. Other than that is accepting outside calls and incoming calls too. I also have to take down messages from guests, put calls through for staff who want to make outside calls, I had to remember all the extension number to all the staff phone lines and many other things.

The first 2 weeks was really tough, not for my work, but going to the toilet, because they renovated the toilet door unitl even my small wheelchair cannot get in. But I told myself I cannot give up. Some of the staff wasn't willing to help and that I have expected! Only a kind staff Rajes who was working there for the past 20 years willing to help me to the toilet. But I couldn't depend on her all the time because her work shiff were not the same all the time.

Later, they remove the sliding door and fix it slightly inside. That way, only my small wheelchair can go in. No other wheelchairs can get it as I have tried another bigger wheelchair. It could get in but the door couldn't close. So I imagine how can other people who use wheelchair get into that toilet? When I get into the toilet, it exactly get thru and when the door is close I could hardly have space to move. Only a slight space to transfer myself over to the toilet bowl.

To be continue

A tryout

One afternoon during Chinese New Year, Annah gave me a call me saying that she me a Public Relation Office, Ms. Sally Lai in the Tanjung Bungah market asking her whether will be interested in working for their hotel as an operator. Annah told her she couldn't take the job because she has a committment with present job, so she asked me whether I'm interested in the job.

At that moment when Annah told me I wasn't excited. I felt nothing. As two months back in December I failed in getting a job Gleneagles Hospital. Annah keep persuade me to give it a try. For myself, I always love challenges.

The next day when I met Annah in the shopping mall, she gave me the contact number of Ms. Sally Lai (the PR Manager) and immediately we called her. I talk to her and she told me about the job and the working time is from 9am-5pm and my salary is RM600 and other things as well. She took down my phone number and said she will called me back in few days. I didn't take her seriously because most of the things people said I consider it as a joke. But few days later, she really called me to set a appointment date for my interview.

Mr Ong Hock Lee, the Human Resource Manager interviewed me. He gave me all the conditions about my job. Mr he seem serious in taking me as a staff. But I told him I need few days to try out the job. Since the hotel has no disabled toilet, he promise to renovated the toilet for me.

The following week, I took 2 days off and went for my training. The first day I was really frighten as whether I could cope with it. My heart beats really fast while on way to the hotel. The work was for me alright for me as they give time to learn. But the main problem was the toilet where there is no disabled toilet. So I struggled myself through that 2 days with the help of the staff.

(Ps: There are no photos)