A heavy heart

I feel as if I'm pretending to be a happy person. But the real thing is I'm full of bitterness, hatred, rejection, sadness and emptiness. No one can see or understand that because it's all close up within me. I don't know why but I hide everything inside that I cannot let it go.

It’s very hard for me to express myself and I don’t have the confidence to speak what is in my heart. That is why I keep everything to myself. There are lots of things my heart wanted to say but I feel no one is willing to listen.

Many times when I’m alone I feel like crying but there are no tears. My heart is very heavy as it's full of sadness and emptiness. I want to do is to pour out my feeling to someone, but there is no one who have to patient to listen me as I have difficulty in expressing myself.

I know sometimes we need time to be alone, but when at night draws in I feel very lonely. Every night I will sit infront of my computer and when I put my slow music. I feel very sad and lonely. I want so much to make myself think positive, yet all the negetive things keep pouring in.

I know my good God is very near to me, yet I can't feel His presence. He is the One who can comfort and hold me. I always wish there is someone to hug, hold and lend me a shoulder to cry.