Difficult Time

 

Thursday, 15 July 2021

 

It has been more than three weeks since I started having a severe spasm. It was when I started an online exercise. I felt really fun and exciting to do, so I kept doing it for a week for half an hour. From then on, every morning after breakfast when I entered my room my body became not well and my spasm slowly attacked me.

The nerve inside my body made me unable to do anything. Every morning, when I do my toileting on my bedpan I have to lie down. The most difficult part was to help me onto my bedpan. It was because both my legs were very stiff and couldn’t bend up. This makes mum and Janice very difficult to handle me.

Due to my spasm, it took a long time for me to urine. After urine, mum has to hold my stiff legs so I can pull my pants up. As I took quite a long to pull my pants up, mum’s hands and body were painful upon holding my stiff legs.

My spasm lasted for hours until I have to lunch in bed as I was too stiff to sit up. I feel sad that mum has to feed me in bed.

My spasm only attacks my legs, both my hands can move without difficulties, but I have difficulty in breathing.

After my afternoon rest/nap, I’m back to usual again, but it makes me quite tired.

As my spasm attacks me, I feel frustrated as most of the days I have lying on my bed. What I did to call to God to release my spasm.

 

 

No Inspiration

 Monday, 26 October 2020 

I haven't been updating my story since a week ago. I kept thinking about what to write, but my mind is blank. Sometimes my inspiration comes so fast that I can write within hours or days. Yet some days, I completely not able to write.

The whole of last week I didn't go anywhere. my body also didn't feel good too.  Certain days I felt so down with my spasm. I can feel the nerve inside my body pulling me. My body movement slow down. I have difficulty in pushing my wheelchair, not only that I felt very tired.

Certain days when my spasm attacked me more severe I have to lie on the bed till evening. During that time I felt terrible as my muscle kept pulling and I wasn't able to do anything.

When my body stiff with spasm, it made my mum difficult to transfer me to bed. But she helped me patiently and quietly. I felt quilty and apologies to her, but her only word was "it's ok". What I did was thank her. 

I thank God for giving strength to carry on with my sickness in my life. 

 

Spasm Attacked

 

 Friday, 2 October 2020

 

This week has passed and the weekend is here again.  In the past weeks, my body condition has not been very stable – someday I’m in good condition (I’m able to do my part-time job and daily things). But certain days, I feel terrible as my spasm attack me severely until I had to lie in bed.

It makes me feel frustrated that I’m not able to the things I wanted to do. Even though I want to do things, my movement would be very slow. So, I need to take things easy and relax more. This is something which I dislike because I have been always on the move.    

This is beyond my body control and I cannot do anything except to relax and accept it.

 

 

Enemies are back

Monday, 15 June 2020

The scariest thing of my life is back again!  Since the beginning of this month, my spasm started attacking me again.  When it came, I thought it lasted only a day. Never release it slowly attack me more day by day. 

Since then, mostly my left leg muscle keeps pulling and my body and legs become very stiff. I have difficulty in sitting and pushing my wheelchair too. My movement becomes very slow.

It's very frustrating as it kept me from doing more things that I intend to do. When my spasm attacks me, it draws the strength out from my body and I become tired and weaker.

At the same time, I have low mode and feels very tired though I cannot do much throughout the day.

Dear God, please take away my spasm

Please give me more strength to do daily things

Dear God, please do help me!

Spasm

Sunday, 31 May 2020

Today like any other Sundays, I didn't do anything much throughout the day. But my body wasn't feeling good at all and I have some fear in me. My spasm is attacking me again after it left me for the past two years. This is my greatest fear as it’s preventing me from doing my daily things

The whole of my left leg muscle is so tight and keeps pulling me. The nerve also attacked my body limbs and my movement is very slow in doing. I feel not active at all and feel very tired.

No one knows the difficulties I feel.  I, myself know the terrible feeling inside my body.

Dear God, please take away the spasm inside me, so that I can be strong and do everything again. Please take away my fear too.