Emotionally down

 Tuesday, 2 June 2021

 

Emotionally down

From the beginning of this year till now, emotionally I felt not that bad as I occupied my time selling cooking with my cousin during Chinese New Year.

As days and months passed, my mood became worsen. I feel very down as I don't feel like doing anything. Though I was in front of my computer, I didn't do anything the whole day except watched movies online.

I feel sad the past six months, as my mind couldn't able to write more stories as my heart wants to. My blog is so empty with only a few stories on it.

Though I write one story, it will take me a long time to finish. As I want to complete my story, but I don't have the mood to do so.  

Terrible Feelings

 Sunday, 15 November 2020

Since last month, my mind is blank again as I don't know what to write. The whole day I occupied myself arranging my stamps, take the picture and post them online to sell. 

I have many things in my heart I wanted to share, but it's difficult to put them in words. I don't understand why sometimes I can write so fast, sometimes I can't. I wish I can keep on writing as I love to write. I feel frustrated at this moment as I feel I don't have the mood and bored even though I occupy myself with many things. I hate this feeling.

Dear God, please help me. Take away these terrible feelings. 

 

Low Mood

Wednesday, 16 Sept 2020

 

Since the beginning of this month, I don't have the mood to write even though I wanted to express my feelings/thoughts into words. I have many things in mind I say, but I cannot put in writing.

At the same time, my twisted ankle gave me so much terrible pain. The pain made me very weak and I felt very tired the whole day.

Every single day, I felt so terrible. My ankle was swollen and painful, I completely have no mood. What I did were only some minor daily things. 

Even though I have the pain, I still went out to my therapy, check-up, outing as usual. I slowly get into the car.

Life has to go on despite on whatever happens

 

Six months

Sunday, 28 June 2020

Six months have passed by with an eclipse of an eye. Every day goes by without waiting for anyone and so many things have happened in this half a year. 

These six months mostly bad things happen especially Covid-19 lockdown.  But earlier this year, I still get to for my activities, outings, etc.

I thank God I could do so many things, yet deep inside my heart I was full of sadness, loneliness, emptiness, etc.. There was no happiness in me. I'm in my room day in and out and front of my computer. I don't feel/want to talk to anyone, not even to my mum or Janice. I don't feel even to call my call friends to chat or share my feelings.

My heart is overloaded with too many things, I feel like explode. I want to cry but not able to as no tears. Want to shout, but I can't too. Talk to someone also I cannot as I do not able put my feelings into words.

Only GOD understands how I feel.

Dear God, please help me!!! Thank you that I'm able to put all my feelings into writing,

Low mood

Monday, 8 June 2020

Since last week, I've felt low mood, weak and tired. I cannot concentrate on doing one thing, instead the whole day I'm doing many things. At the end of the day, I accomplished nothing.

I have written a few write-up halfway, but unable to finish them. I wanted to continue but my mind somehow is blank. I will slowly continue to write 

I really feel very terrible when I having this mood. I've been active for quite some time, yet this low mood came back again.

Dear God, please help me to be strong and active again so I can continue my writing and daily activities.

The Changed

I have changed so much from a happy person with many close friends' into a lonely person who stays at home everyday. A person who enjoyed going out to shopping malls and to many other place into a person who have mood to go anywhere. Though my heart desire to go out to as many places I want, but I don't anyone to bring me out and I don't have mood to enjoy things outside

Even when I go out with family or outstation with friends, the happiness within me is only a short time. Then the empty feelings and sadness will come back within me again. I don know why, but I don't have the happiness within me. I hardly smile these recent years.

Though my photos showed my happy smiling face, but the fact is I was/am not happy at all.

Good mood, please come back!!!

I have many things I wanted to write. I completely have no mood and my mind is blank on what to write. In my heart, I wanted to say a lot of things. But like I said I have no mood to write.

Other than that, I have no mood, I was occupied with doing other things. Other than that, I went to GH for check-ups. The thing I hated most is - I feel so so tired and sleepy the everday due to my medicine. I wished I don't have to take any medicine. But the fact, I HAVE to.....

I so glad that I keep my blog alive till today.. Because I loved writing

Terrible mood

I feel so terrible and low mood since the last few days. Specially today, I so terribly no good - feel tired, sleepy, low mood and lifeless since this morning till night. More tired and sleepy then my usual days taking spasms medicine.

I don't understand what is wrong with me.  Is it the depression medicine I cut off? The medicine the doctor gave medicine and it didn't suit me. It made my body not well, so I stopped taking it.

Sorry baby, I'm only writing a short note for this post..I'm feeling very tired and no mood today. 

Going thru hard time

Depression turns me this type of person :

1.   I'm very unhappy

2.  I always want to be alone in my room

3.  Feel no mood and have terrible feelings

4.  Have no appetite 

5.  Though I accomplished many things, yet I don't feel happy

6.  Don't feel like mixing/talking to anyone

7.  My heart is empty

8.  Keep thinking of the past and feeling hurt inside me

9.  Though I talk to Julie and make her laugh, I laugh too. But I'm not happy myself

10.   I don't have friends'/closed one to to talk too

11. Many times feel like crying, but cannot cry

There are other feelings' too which are not good. Very difficult to express out.

New Kids On The Block -I'll Be Loving You (Forever)

                                          

Up and down of in my life

Today and the last few days I feel so tired and no mood, even though I didn't do anything much. Certain days my body condition can be very low until I have difficult in moving my body limbs.

I hate this time of the days!!!! I'm an active person, if I feel this low,I really hate it.

My head is weak and soft and my spasm start attacking me. This is my condition throughout my life. I cannot control it, instead to accept it.

This is my UP and DOWN condition in my life. I cannot do anything except to accept and THANK GOD for giving me life!!!!

Terrible feelings

Lately, I have been having these terrible feeling. Everyday I face with different moods and feelings. I feel very angry, frustrated, sad, hatred and thinking of a lot of negative things. It’s terribly hard to cope.

All these years, I never had these feeling or thinking until lately. It has become worst and worst each day. 

Something I ask myself :

1. Am I feeling too lonely – that is the bad thoughts come to me?
2. Is it one by one of my friends’ left me?
3. Why is my past keep haunting me?
4. Am I so useless that people looked down on me?
5. Why people cannot look up on me?

I try my best to fight against it, yet the negative thoughts still come to me mostly everyday especially when I’m alone.

Calm in my heart

This week I'm feeling much better. I stop thinking of my recent problem because I have settled it. Now I feel the peace in my heart. But certain times when I'm alone, I will start thinking and feel sad again. I really dislike this terrible feeling. Certain times up, certain times down. All the mix feeling is in my heart these days. 

I hope one day my feeling with be stable so that I can feel better in my heart. 

Lowers time

I have been feeling very low for the past few days. Something happened beyond my imagination. Now I completely have no mood for anything. What I know is - I get upset very fast, feeling very sad and tears keep dropping.

I don't have the mood to talk to anyone including my friends. When I'm alone in the room, I feel very sad. I keep thinking and thinking. I feel like I'm going crazy, but I try my best not to break down.

Dear God, please help me to pull through.

Communication break down

Today I don't feel as active as the previous day when I wrote my post. Now is 6.30pm, I feel so sleepy and don't have any mood. I'm in front of  my computer alone in my room listening to the radio.

I feel really tired but I yearn to write. At this moment I'm thinking of my life. I wish to have able bodies friends' who can take out for outing or shopping during weekends. Even now I wish there are friends' to take me out.. That's only a wish.

Loneliness is creping within me. I don't have friends who calls me and I don't anyone to share my feeling.  Because I seldom talk to my family members or share my feeling with them. I also hardly talk to my friends'  after our disagreement 2 years ago. Now I find it very hard talking to them. When we meet, I talk very little to them. Though I want to talk to them, I need to think before I speak. That's why I  always keep silence.

Because I hardly communicate , I don't really know how to converse with people. Despite I don't have friends' , I have my God to talk with. I can tell Him anything, He listen to all my problems. He is always there for me.

Smile....

Smile supposed to be an easy thing! But for me it's very hard just to smile. I face a lot of frustration, sadness & anger. I keep asking myself what is the purpose of my life.

I feel frustrated with my sickness (spasm) which attacked me very often. I can't improve myself in anything. Because of my spasm, I have difficulty finding any jobs. When I see all disabled friends are working and get the chance to mix with other friends and people. I feel angry that I have this sickness which makes me difficult to work and also nobody is willing to hire me.

Sometimes when I feel so frustrated with my spasm, I will hit my head and keep asking WHY, WHY? Because of my spasm, I have difficulty loving myself too.

Even though I have difficulty in accepting my sickness, I have to accept God’s plan for me. His plan is the best for me. So that's why it's never easy for me to smile...

God's will for me

At this moment, I totally have no mood to do anything. I'm starring the computer with blank mind. My heart is so empty and I'm feels so lonely. I wish to talk to someone about my problems, but nobody is here for me..

There is One person I can only turn to, which is my God. He knows everything in my heart. Many times when I'm hurt, frustrated, discourage, lonely. I will tell him everything. He is the One who sees all my problems. Many times I questioned Him and yet there is no answer. One day He will make me understand all His plans for me.

Swinging Mood

I don’t know why these days I have terrible swinging mood. One day I can be in good mood, another day I can be frustrated or sad. I guess I’m like the sun and the rain. I find it very difficult to cope with these moods.

Many times, I want to think positive yet I can’t. The negative feeling will cover it. I heard it from someone that when we feel/think negative, we must cover it with positive thinking. It’s not easy though, but we must try our best to do it.

People can say it so simple, but it’s so hard to do it. I know it as I have tried before and I’m still trying my best to think positive.

Loneliness

I feel as if I lost all of my confidence since this 7 months. I just knew I'm not the Anne before that full of life. Now i feel so low esteem and can't express what I want to say or tell others. I really feel so down and don't to talk to anyone in my centre. I'm so frustrated everyday that I do very badly in my work. I can't seem to improved myself. The most terrible feeling I face everyday is feeling very lonely.
It has been quiet sometime since I had such feeling of loneliness. I feel really terrible. What I did everyday is keep silence. I never look forward to go to work. My heart is so heavy like dragging myself to a place where I hate to go. Only God knows how I feel!

An empty heart

Half of 2008 has passed and I still feel emotionally down. I feel as if I'm treated with no respect and very lowly. I feel very frustrated pratically everyday and many times I feel very much like crying my whole heart out, but it is never easy for me to cry.

What is making me feel this way? I, myself is still searching for that answer. I have a good family, an understading boyfriend and my group of friends yet my heart is still feeling empty like something is missing. Where is the happiness which I have before?

I feel like running away as far as I can. I'm not running away from my problem but away from the people here. I can't see to have the happy feeling like my colleagues who are so happy everyday.
There are so many things I dream of, yet I haven't achieved it. So I'm not satisfied with life. I know I won't be to get everything I dreamed of, but until now I have achieved at lease 40% of it. I know that is good enough, yet I still feel so sad and empty.
At this moment sitting infront of my pc, I really feel like crying.

Emotional Breakdown

This 6 months, I'm feeling emotionally very down due to my work place. I feel very disappointed, frustrated and sad on how they treat me. Practically, most of them are disabled and yet I feel that they treat me very low. Since the day I started working in there, I didn't improve much in my work.

If there are more work for us to do, I dare not bring myself to take new the challeges because I'm afraid I cannot do it. So I pulled back and keep silence.

It makes me feel so frustrated that when I try my best, it isn't good enough. In the afternoon I always feel terribly sleepy due to my medication. So it makes me harder to work and also it slow down everything I do. Nobody can feel what is the feeling I'm going thru now.

Even though few people had encouraged me with positive words, yet I have difficulty seeing the bright side of life. I hope and pray God will touch my heart to be a happier person again. And to see life more positively.

Words of encouragement are so easily said, but making it real is so difficult. I know the choices is up to me - to be happy or sad!