A tough life, but never give up

My baby, I have abandoned you again.

I feel this year has been terrible and miserable year. I feel so lost, unhappy, confuse, frustrated depress, useless. I really do not know what to do with life.What I know is I feel my heart is so down everyday throughout this ten months. It's so hard to put a smile on my face.There is no joy in my heart.

Everyday for past ten months, I keep searching for a job. I need a job and income to help my family. I also need it to occupied my time. Yet till today, I couldn't find one. I feel so useless

Early this year, I asked a disabled friend of mine, can the press help me to find a job? He told me I could have a try in writing in. I wrote in The Star and New Straits Times paper column page. I was happy that New Straits Time published my story, but no one approached me with an job. My story (article) was like a write up for public to read.  First failure.

In March, I try an online job - data key in. I paid the company in advance. The job scope was very interesting, After they send me the work, I did the work for two months. I kept emailing them, but received no reply from them. After two month, I didn't receive any payment from them. I knew then I was cheated. That was a lesson for me. Second failure,

I think of ways on how to find a decent job, yet i failed.

In July I made the final decision, I called the The Star paper office, the staff put my call with the chief of reporter. I told him i'm disabled who in need of a job. He  took  my  contact  number . Less than two hours , a reporter name Arnord called me. I was so happy he wanted to interview me. Within half an hour Arnord l and another camera man, named Gary interviewed me. I talked to them for more than half an hour. Gary took some pictures of Julie and myself.

I was surprised and happy that my story came out the next day, with a big article on it. I was happy and excited that a lady from KL emailed Ai Na (a friend of mine). Ms. Dee Dee from KL willing to offer me a job as a"Project Coordinate" and an accommadation. A kind hearted man (Jimmy) willing to offer me monthly cash for six month. I was really happy public respond to my pleaque.

The next day, my article came out again in a small column saying few people respond to my article. My email address was published in the paper.

Few people emailed me offering me job. a few from KL and one from Penang . Others' offered me donation. They banked into my account. I was really happy that week.

I thought good things is coming my way as I got job offers. Nevertheless the job and accommadation in KL didn't suit me as I need a helper, but we have difficulty finding one. Another job opening in Batu Maung, Penang. The problem is I don't have transport and the work is too long hours.

At last, my happiest turns into sadness. What I gain turn to nothing - back to square one.

What I wish, hope and plan wasn't God's will. God has His own plan for me.

Whatever happen, we just have to accept it

It has been few months since I last update my post. I have been busy with my home base job. My job is home base job - "Facebook Social Media Marketing". It was an interesting job.

I can say working at home is completely different from working outside. It is like a coin with two sides. Working outside I can meet and mix with more people/friends, while working at home – is between me and the computer.

For me, working at home is definitely much easily as physically I need help. So my family members can help me anytime. But mentally I can go crazy because I don’t have anyone to talk nor do I get the chance to go out and mix with the outside world.

Now I realize it’s better to work outside than at home. If given me two choice, I prefer to work outside. But job oppotunitely don’t come so easy severely disabled. We have to grab it wherever it comes our way.

These four months I have learn a lot of thing through my job. It was a good experience for me. I thank my boss for being patient in teaching me many things.

If God give you something and then He suddenly takes it away, we have to accept it. He knows everything ahead of us.

Misses all my children

Because of my severe spasm which attacked me everyday and the pressure I have working with the severe young adults, I had to quit my job. You will not know how sad I was to leave my working place after five months there. I began to love and care for all the young adults because each individual are God’s special child.

Every morning when my dad wheeled me into my work place, most of the “children” would wish me Good morning. It's such warm feeling. I’m so happy to see their faces everyday.

Joblink Centre is a happy working place for all these young adults. It’s like a home for them where they meet each other everyday. Even though the centre is like a “pasar malam” yet you can feel very comfortable working with them.

Since the day I resign from job, I missed all the “children” very much. I could still hear their voices and I could see their adorable, innocent and happy faces in my mind.

God gave me something good but after five months He took it away. I really cannot understand why. He took me into the world of mentally challenge disabled people and He took me out again. It’s a good experience and challenge working with them. I didn’t want to leave, but the pressure was over my limit. That was why I had to give up.

Dear God, thank you for this short term experience and challenge you gave me.

Back to Eden Centre

Since I stopped working at Copthorne Hotel, I told myself I need to find a job. Baggers cannot choose, so I decide to asked for my old job at Eden Centre again. Before I left Copthorne Hotel, I asked Bertie if there is a place for me back in the office, but he didn't answer me (as I wrote an email to him). Later in middle of June, he called me in to his office and had a talk with me. He offered me my job back, but I have to take it slow. Because before I left for Copthorne Hotel, I did a lot of mistakes in my database. I was really sad that I didn't improve at all in my working states.

Beginning of July I start work. I was thankful that Bertie gave me a second chance. I promise myself to do my best, with God's help. I can say that I'm happy with my work and my friends around me.

Copthorne Hotel, here I come Pt 2.

In the beginning, the people there were quiet "cool" towards me. I can understand that because I'm the only disabled working there. As time past, I got to know their name and make friends with them. It's really hard to minggle with other staff during lunch time as my time is short, only 45mins. Going to the toilet already taken 10mins of my time. And I had to wheel up to the 9th floor where the staff canteen is. That already take some of my time, but if I meet with some staff who is going for lunch, they will help wheel me. So, I have to eat fast and go back to work. How do I have the chance to make friends with any of them?

When I'm in difficulty wheeling my chair, some of the staff will come to my aid, but some see me like an "alien". I had one experience, when I enter into the lift going uo 9th floor for lunch. I was in the lift with another guy staff, when the lift opened, he rushed out as if he saw a "ghost". I don't blame him as I know he has never been near to any disabled before.

Most of the staff are helpful, when they see that I have difficulty to take food the will come to help. But most of the time, Kakak Devi who is incharge of the staff canteen will help to take food and make drink for me. She is a really nice lady.

Most of the front office staff (receptionists') are good, kind and patient with me especially the older staff. Rajes is the one who teaches me all operating things because she was the operator before for many years. Few others, are quiet impatient with me. They didn't want to teach me instead they do it themselves. I believe that's call human!

Copthorne Hotel, here I come Pt 1.

I left Eden Handicap Service Centre since middle of March after working there for nearly 2 years. I was happy working there until I found a new job at Copthorne Orchid Hotel.

I really thought that this job was given to me by God, as I never search for it. It came to me all in a sudden. I started working there on the 20th March, as a Guest Relation Officer (GRO). I had many things to learn, on how to handle the switch board. Other than that is accepting outside calls and incoming calls too. I also have to take down messages from guests, put calls through for staff who want to make outside calls, I had to remember all the extension number to all the staff phone lines and many other things.

The first 2 weeks was really tough, not for my work, but going to the toilet, because they renovated the toilet door unitl even my small wheelchair cannot get in. But I told myself I cannot give up. Some of the staff wasn't willing to help and that I have expected! Only a kind staff Rajes who was working there for the past 20 years willing to help me to the toilet. But I couldn't depend on her all the time because her work shiff were not the same all the time.

Later, they remove the sliding door and fix it slightly inside. That way, only my small wheelchair can go in. No other wheelchairs can get it as I have tried another bigger wheelchair. It could get in but the door couldn't close. So I imagine how can other people who use wheelchair get into that toilet? When I get into the toilet, it exactly get thru and when the door is close I could hardly have space to move. Only a slight space to transfer myself over to the toilet bowl.

To be continue

A tryout

One afternoon during Chinese New Year, Annah gave me a call me saying that she me a Public Relation Office, Ms. Sally Lai in the Tanjung Bungah market asking her whether will be interested in working for their hotel as an operator. Annah told her she couldn't take the job because she has a committment with present job, so she asked me whether I'm interested in the job.

At that moment when Annah told me I wasn't excited. I felt nothing. As two months back in December I failed in getting a job Gleneagles Hospital. Annah keep persuade me to give it a try. For myself, I always love challenges.

The next day when I met Annah in the shopping mall, she gave me the contact number of Ms. Sally Lai (the PR Manager) and immediately we called her. I talk to her and she told me about the job and the working time is from 9am-5pm and my salary is RM600 and other things as well. She took down my phone number and said she will called me back in few days. I didn't take her seriously because most of the things people said I consider it as a joke. But few days later, she really called me to set a appointment date for my interview.

Mr Ong Hock Lee, the Human Resource Manager interviewed me. He gave me all the conditions about my job. Mr he seem serious in taking me as a staff. But I told him I need few days to try out the job. Since the hotel has no disabled toilet, he promise to renovated the toilet for me.

The following week, I took 2 days off and went for my training. The first day I was really frighten as whether I could cope with it. My heart beats really fast while on way to the hotel. The work was for me alright for me as they give time to learn. But the main problem was the toilet where there is no disabled toilet. So I struggled myself through that 2 days with the help of the staff.

(Ps: There are no photos)