Happy birthday dearest mum

Family photo - 16/9/2010

On 17 September 2010, was my dear mum 74 birthday. Since we couldn't celebrate on her real birthday due to our busy schedule, we celebrated a day earlier. Julie (my youngest sister) shared to buy her a birthday cake.

Earlier that weekend (Sunday) Janice (my eldest sister) and her family took our family mum for for a luncheon at Little Cottage. It's just 5 minutes walk from our house, so all of us walked there. My niece (Sherine) wheeled me, while my brother in-law (Denis) wheeled Julie.

I was specially happy because we had western food. The restaurant was full that afternoon, luckily there was a table at the corner for us. There was buffet that Sunday, some of us had buffet. The kids, Janice and myself ordered our own food. Because we ordered 3 plates, we shared among ourselves. It was a nice family gathering to celebrate mum's birthday.

Julie's special day

Julie 34 birthday - 29/7/2010

Dinner at Secret Receipt in Gurney Plaza

We celebrated Julie's birthday on 29 July 2010. She was so so happy even before her bithday arrive. On her birthday, we took her to Gurney Plaza for dinner and we had western food in Secret Receipt.

After dinner, we went shopping and took her to Artist Gallery (CD shop) where she was keen to see her favour CD, but sad to say, the CD she wanted didn't have in the shop. She was slightly disappointed, but she accepted it. Anyhow, she was very happy.

Goodbye Fr. Mashall

I can’t imagine I will be saying goodbye to a very good friend soon. He is our Parish Priest, Fr. Mashall Fernandez of four years. He is a very good priest as he is humble and kind hearted. He is the only priest who gets close with the disabled friends in our church. He is the only person who treated me like a woman (instead of a child/girl) like most people treated me.

I would go to him wherever I have any problems and he would listen to me patiently. He encourages me to follow my heart and never to give up in life. That is the most encouraging words I ever have from a person. It touches my heart as no one has ever encourages me before like Fr. Mashall. Ever though I failed many times, he continues to support me.

People come in and out from my life. But for Fr. Mashall, he will surely stay in my heart. It really saddens me to see him leave, as I don’t have anyone to share my problem with. But my dear God have to take him to another church in Alor Setar.

Thank you Fr. For caring for me these four years and see me as a woman, treated me as an adult and especially be a good friend to me. May our good God continue to bless and guide you wherever HE wants you to be.

My first experience in Rapid Bus

On 17th July 2010, we had our 1st boccia training in Spastic Centre, two months after the tournament which held Kuala Lumpur in May. We started our training from 9.30am until 12pm. Because my parents took me Julie (my youngest sister) for exercises earlier and we home around 10.30am. I had to find my way home.

Because I didn’t want to take my usual cab which charged me RM12 per trip, I asked Joyce, my coach who could drop me home. But there was no one heading the direction to my home, Pit Chong, a volunteer (who is helping in Boccia) was willing to take me on the rapid bus and company me home. I was relief there was someone to help me.

We finished our training around 12pm, because there was a heavy traffic on the main road and the bus stop was across the road. Two staffs were kind enough to stop the traffic for Pit Chong to wheel me across. In the middle of the road there was a divider, Pit Chong and another staff had to carry me over and he wheeled me very fast as the cars keep rushing by.

When we reached the bus stop, there were few school boys waiting the bus too. We waited for nearly half an hour before it arrived. When the bus came, the door opened. The driver saw us and came to assistants us, he opened the ramp (from inside and place onto the ground). Though the ramp is not steep, it must take a person who good in handling a wheelchair to pushed me up the bus. If not I will surely fall.

I heard there was an incident when the bus assistant wanted to push a man in the wheelchair up the ramp, but the bus assistant didn’t see there was a small hole in front. So he pushed the man quite fast, but the man toppled down, luckily his body was strong enough to support himself. Luckily nothing happened to the disabled man.

So, Pit Chong wheeled me up into the bus. There is only one place for a wheelchair user. He turned me round facing the back people and tied a seat bell round my waist. I saw Pit Chong went to pay the bus driver. For disabled they charged RM1.00 and able body RM2.00 or more. Since I couldn’t face the front, I heard there was a lot of noise in front and the back seats were full with people.

The bus driver stopped at many places for passengers to get down. He went round the town before coming to Pulau Tikus where I stay. Most of them were Malay passengers’ who went down in Komtar.

There is a bell at every side of every seat. It’s convenient for passengers to press and stop at their destination. I couldn’t see much of where the bus was heading because I had to close my eyes as I had headache. It was uncomfortable sitting facing the back . I couldn’t wait to get down at the Adventist Hospital bus stop as it was outside my house.

At last the bus stopped in front of Adventist Hospital, Pit Chong wheeled me down the ramp. He wheeled me all the way to my house which took around 20 minutes walk.

It was interesting as I went round the town for just only RM1.00. This is a very new experience for me as my first time in the Rapid Bus.

Unforgettable

It has been a year and two months since I went to Lourdes in France. The memory is still so fresh in my mind. It was a great experience from the time I stepped into the Penang International Airport until the time I came home.

I couldn’t imagine that I went to Lourdes, such a long trip, yet God made my dream to France came true. No one could felt the peace that I felt when I was there. It was just wonderful as I had witness so many things when I was in the Holy place.

I wish that I will be able to go to Lourdes again, if it’s God’s will. It’s a wonderful and peaceful place that most Catholics’ wants to go.

My destiny

Ever since last week I told my family that I wanted to go back to KL, they started discouraging me. They keep telling me everything is provided for me at home. They don’t understand that I want a challenging life instead of sitting at home I tried very hard to explain to my mum that I’m thinking of my future. I even wrote to them a list how life is between Penang and KL yet they treated it as nothing. I felt sad that they are not willing to respect my decision and understand my feeling. I know they care for me and don’t want me to go through hard time in KL

I want continue fighting for it, but I’m tired of telling my parents who are against my decision. I guess I have to give up my dream and stay in Penang. Is it not God’s will for my dream to come true? Why did He opened the door twice and then closed back again? Maybe He has other plan for me? I really can’t understand it. I believe He wanted me to taste the hardship, but I could stand only my parents can’t bear seeing me living in difficult life.

I felt sad that I was in Kepong centre for only a month. I wish I could stay there longer and get to know my friends' deeper. The one that will keep me back from going back to KL is my boyfriend. We have been together nearly five years, I don’t want to lose him just because I intend to go back KL.

God is my “boss” and I cannot go against His will. My destiny is to stay in Penang. I have to accept His will for me . Even though I’m not happy here yet I cannot do anything. I have to take one day at the time.

Angel pattern

I’m happy that I had finished two of my bookmarks cross-stitch. It took me more than two weeks to finish a pattern. I couldn’t wait to finished it and see the outcome of it. It’s a pattern of a little angle. I was happy when I see it. Now I’m doing the third pattern which is flower.

Remember me this way

Every now and then

We find a special friend

who never let us down


Who understand it all

Reaches out each time you fall

You're the best friend that I've found


I know you can't stay

apart of you will never ever go away

your heart will stay


I make a wish for you

and hope it will come true

that life would be kind

to such a gentle mind

if you lose your way

think back of yesterday

Remember me this way ohhh

Remember me this way


I don't need eyes to see

the love you bring to me

No matter where I go

And I know you'll be there

forevermore a part of me

You're everywhere

I always care

I make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life would be kind

To your gentle mind

If you lose your way

Think back of yesterday

Remember me this way

Remember me this way

I'll be right behind your shoulder

watching you

I'll be standing by your side

In all you do

I won't ever leave you

as long as you believe

you just believe

I make a wish for you

and hope it will come true

that life would just be kind

to such a gentle mind

if you lose you way

think back of yesterday

remember me this way

Remember me this way


Dedicate to my best friend

My Fight

Everyday I occupied my time doing many things, yet when I’m sitting in front of my computer and listen to love songs. I feel my life is very empty and I’m sad. I feel lost as I don’t know where I’m heading.

I’m tore between Penang and KL. I can feel my body is here, but spiritually I’m in KL. Everyday I’m thinking of the daily activities and I missed all my friends there. Why do struggle with this feeling everyday? I hate this feeling.

If I’m independent enough, I will take a cab to the airport. Take a flight back to KL and take a cab to my centre. This is my real feeling. Am I crazy thinking of this? I can’t imagine myself, as I had gone through so much difficulties yet I want to go back there. Am I stupid? There are many questions in my mind everyday.

The main reason why I wanted to go back to my Kepong centre is all my friends are very positive thinking and can get the freedom to do what we like. The things which are difficult to handle, they will think of ways to help us and give positive advice. Not like my family members and friends here, they are all very negative and discouraging. It’s not easy to change their mind unless I fight my way through, then I can get a positive life.

I have to fight very hard to get my independence and freedom, if not I will only be trap in my own home.

A month in Kepong Centre

After I came home for 10 months from KL last year, I wasn’t satisfied with my life. I wanted a more challenging life. I emailed Ivy from Beautiful Gate to ask her whether they could accept me back. Later I received an email from her, asking me whether I would like to accept a place in Beautiful Gate Kepong.

At that time I didn’t know how Kepong Centre was like, so I preferred Petaling Jaya Centre. Ivy told me that PJ Centre was full and there wasn’t enough helper. As I knew Kepong Centre was only for disabled guys, but a girl friend of mine who used to be in PJ centre was there, so I felt slightly relief.

I was told they have a day time maid to help my girl friend (Pei San) and I. She (the maid) will come during weekdays only. I was slightly worried who will help me during the weekends. I was told again there are volunteers to help me.

I accepted the place, but I was slightly afraid on what was ahead of me, I tried to overcome my fear because I loved challenges.

My parents’ wasn’t eager to let me to go as they were worried, I told them there is a maid to help me but eventually they agreed

On 24th February 2010, I took Air Asia plane for the first time. I heard many scary stories about Air Asia, so, I was quiet frighten to get on the plane. But I took the courage to go on it alone because it was a cheaper flight.

Thank God there was no delay with the flight and everything went well. When I arrived at KLIA airport, my friend, Valerie came to fetched me. She dropped me at PJ Beautiful Gate Centre. Later Uncle Kam Fook (driver) from Kepong Centre came to fetch me.

When I arrived at Kepong Centre, I was happy to see some of my friends’ were outside at the porch. It was nice to see the familiar faces but was specially happy to see Kenneth our leader in Kepong.

I stayed in Kepong Centre for only a month but I notice a lot of things happening there. I was happy that I had a room to myself. Life is very tough as I had to do most of the daily things myself. The maid who was supposed to help me and Pei San didn’t come everyday, instead she comes whenever she likes. So Kenneth called another maid to help me. In the beginning she was keen to help me as days goes by she became lazier but she still helped me. Sometimes when she is away I had to toileting and other things myself which made me very tired.

Despite all the difficulties, I was happy I had some good friends in the Centre. They were friendly and willing to help me despite they are in wheelchairs. They are all very independent. I was glad we could converse in English and Malay. Whenever I need to buy things/food, they would go out to buy for me and for other friends too. There were some shops and eating stalls nearby, they drove their motorized wheelchair out to buy for us. I felt very comfortable when we had lunch/dinner together as we could chit-chat and laugh.

I was working as a telemarketer for three weeks. I was happy with my job as I was exposed in talking to people on the phone. It was very interesting as I got many different responds.

I didn’t intend to come home it because I needed to see a neurologist so I followed my family back (they went to KL for few days). When I came home I fell sick for more than a month. It was already two months I’m at home. I missed my Kepong friends a lot and also my room.

If it’s God’s will, I wish that I can go back there again. When I see all my friends have so much freedom. I hope to have a life like that.

A great disappointment

There was the 1st National Boccia Championship held on 8th-10th in KL this month. Since beginning of this year I had been looking forward for to go for this tournament, but to my disappointment I couldn’t go. It was because of my sickness which lasted for more than a month made me wasn’t able to attend my training for the whole of April. So I asked my coach to canceled my name.

I kept thinking why I felt sick at this time where I couldn’t go for my training. I really missed my training and the tournament. I had the loved for Boccia ever since I started playing in early 2000.

I hope I will get to train and play in the coming Paralimpiad in November. My dream is that I hope be chosen for international game one day.

Bookmark pattern

Bookmark pattern

I sold these bookmarks to a my friend of mine, Maureen, in Alor Setar. To me is a simple pattern, but she says it was very beautiful. I was happy she likes them.

One and a half month

I had the most terrible time of my life two months ago. It was like going to hell. I was in good condition until I got home from KL. I came back was to see a neurologist which I made appointment to see him on Wednesday 24/3/2010.

Dr. Lim was a young, kind and friendly doctor. (It was my first time seeing him). He took time to see and examining me. He also lead me to see his lady boss (Dr Bow) who know more about my sickness. Both doctors spent more than one hour with me.

Because I curious about my brain, I allowed Dr. Lim to do a CT Scan test for me. My test was due on 14/4/2010 but at last I canceled it. I asked him whether there is any medicine for my spasm and he prescribed me a nerve medicine for me

Never did I know that the medicine didn’t agree with my body. When I came home from KL, my body was slightly weak, but after taking the nerve medicine I got weaker and weaker each day. My neck was so weak that I couldn’t lift up my head and it kept dropping down. My neck muscle was very painful. I had to put a board to support my head and had to tie a cloth around my forehead.

My limbs became so weak that I couldn’t do my daily things. Worst of all, I couldn’t walk to the bathroom. Two persons have to carry me. My maid and I had to struggle in the bathroom doing my toileting and bathing. I felt very scary as I thought I couldn’t walk anymore. My maid had to do everything for me. I couldn’t even hold my hp to talk or sms. If I talked on the phone/hp, my spasm would attack me. I felt so frustrated and depressed that I break down and cried.

After I knew it was the cause of the medicine, I immediately stopped taking it

After lifting off the medicine, I had difficulty in sleeping at night because my spasm attacked me. Mum had to sleep with me to massage my limbs. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. Time goes by very slow, hour by hour. I tried to relax myself yet I could not. I couldn’t to move my limbs. I felt as if my whole body was paralyze.

Mum wasn't able tosleep too as she had to massage my limbs. She didn’t complain or scolded me yet she patiently took care of me. Later that week Dad came to sleep with me to relief mum. This lasted for more than one week.

I knew I didn’t put enough faith and trust in God. I felt so miserable that I kept questioning Him when is He healing me?. I guess it’s natural when someone is sick, he/she couldn’t concentrated in prayers. I knew very well that it was my weakness (didn’t put my faith and trust in God during my trails).

Thank God I’m back to my normal self now. I cannot exert myself, if not my spasm will attack me again. I also want to thank God for giving my parents and my maid the strength and patient to care for me during my difficult time.

Boccia training

I’m happy that Boccia training is back. I got the chance to go for practice after a year of rest. I’m really excited that this year there are many tournaments. It will be an interesting year for sports people.

Our training is held in the Spastic Centre twice a week – Tuesday and Thursday afternoon 3.30pm-5.30pm. This week we have three days of practice as our coach is free to train us.

I follow a friend of mine in wheelchair who is staying in Cheshire Home to our centre. Since Cheshire Home is quite near my house, my dad dropped me in the home and I follow their van and my dad will pick me back from the Spastic Centre.

I’m happy whenever there is Boccia training as I like going for tournaments.

My latest pattern

This is my latest cross-stitch. Seeing the pattern seem very easy as there were only three colour. It took me a lot of patient to do this pattern. After sewing the whole thing, I had to undo it because I got lost and didn't follow the pattern. I nearly gave up, but I couldn't as I wanted to see the outcome of it.

I asked my niece Sherine to create the outer pattern for me. She is very good in her artwork, so she helped during her one month holiday.

Goodbye 2009

This year has passed again with a blink of an eye. Since November 2008 till April 2009, I was in KL Beautiful Gate Centre. Though life there was very tough, it taught me to be a tougher person physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have learned that living away from family was not easy thing as I have to do most of thing myself and certain things I have to rely on peoples’ help. Though I have only one good friend who helped me a lot, I was happy knowing other disabled friends and learn about their different behavior and attitude

There were many activities and programs for all the trainees. It was bitter sweet moments for me there and it also gave me a chance to see part of KL lifestyle. I was very sad when I left there due to my body condition.

In May another dream of mine came true as I went to Lourdes. I never thought this would happen as it was a long journey, but with God’s help I made it through. It was the most peaceful I have ever been. Though it was a week journey and our stay was only four day. I witness so many things which I have seen before. I truly appreciate the organizers who organize this trip who took for the old, the disabled and the parishioner for the Church of Immaculate Conception. It will be a dream that I will always remember.

Since I came back from Lourdes, I tried to find a job, but I failed. I applied to many places and asked many people but there were no news. It make me feel very frustrated, discouraged, disappointed and angry with myself. I occupied myself at home with cross-stitch, writing and playing games on facebook. Without some income, I feel so terrible, but nothing can be done. I prayed very hard for God to lead me the way.

I pray that 2010 will be a better year for me. And it will be a more challenging year for me. I also pray that I will not give up in achieving my dreams.

To all my friends who support and encouraging me. Thank you… And to my darling, thank you for being there for me and giving me a listening ear whenever I have problems.

When waves are low

I have neglected my “ baby” for the past few months. There is a reason to it. It was because I was feeling very down, so I didn’t want to write too many negative things. Now, I feeling better and am back to my normal self. Sometimes when I think of the past, it made me sad, but I tried my best to ignore it by making myself busy.

I’m happy for the past three months I finished two pieces of my cross-stitch (cushion covers). I have decided not to frame them because if I frame it would be more expensive. Now I’m doing a smaller piece of pattern which I hope to finish soon.

I’m also happy that both my articles came out in the CHALLENGES magazine. I waited for a year before my articles came out and I feel very happy and proud of myself when I saw my stories and photos in the magazine. I’m glad my afford of writing wasn’t a waste of my time. At least I can comfort myself that I have achieved something.

Now I'm keeping myself busy with my cross-stitch, writing and few other things that day and night passes so fast. Now it’s already December. Before we know it, it’s Christmas and New Year.

Thank you all my dear friends for being with me when the waves in my life was very low.
I appreciated it a lot. You kept my spirit going without giving up.

Jobless

It’s very frustrating in facing life when you are jobless. It has been a year since I left my previous job. I failed in my training in Kuala Lumpur because of my body condition. That made me more frustrated as I couldn’t accomplish what I have desired instead I have turn back to where I begin. How I wish I could stay longer there, but it wasn’t God’s will. I also feel very sad that I couldn’t go back there again.

I wish God will give me a chance to work again. I have been applying for a jobs but till now I haven’t receive any news. I really hope God will give me a job soon. But for now I’m keeping myself busy with my cross-stitch, writing etc.

I was quite disappointed when none of my friends whom I responded to my email me about Ebay Online (home business) . I was really dishearten as I felt no one was supporting me.

I can say one good thing, I have started a new pattern of cross-stitch for cushion cover.

I still have to go on with life despite all these feeling.

Months after months

Tomorrow is the last day of the month. I can’t believe every month flies so fast without waiting for anyone. I didn’t put any post this month as I was busy building another blog.

I started new home business - selling and buying things in Ebay. A friend of mine came to teach and everyday I learned it myself. This month I bought two things just to test my knowledge in buying things online. I haven’t start selling yet as I have to learn to buy and manage the things inside Ebay.

Beginning of this month, my uncle from Kuala Lumpur brought all my things back from Beautiful Gate Centre including my two wheelchairs. I’m happy that I got a light weight wheelchair from the Welfare in Kuala Lumpur.

I felt sad that I couldn’t make it longer in Kuala Lumpur. Living away from home is very different as I could make my own decision what I wanted without anyone stopping me. But it was specially tough as I have spasm which attacked me very often due to a lot of strain. My heart wasn’t ready to come home but my body couldn’t take it anymore. So I pray and hope I made the right decision to come home.

I’m very happy that I finished my cross-stitch cushion covers two days ago. It took me few years to accomplish it and when I saw them, you cannot feel how happy I was.

I thank God for a family who loves me and my close friends who care for me and a boyfriend who love me. This month has come to a close. I pray that next month will be another good month.

My activities in KL

This was the activities during my stay in Kuala Lumpur the past 6 months.

The cell group celebrated Ivy's birthday in an Italian Restaurant

Me & Yah Mei

MPPJ Night Fair

Lunch with CIMB group

USJ Family Day - Food & Fun Fair

Carrfour in one shopping mall just opened and they gave some of my disabled friends and I RM10 cupon.