Costly Dental

Monday, 6 April 2020

A few weeks ago, my top left teeth have a few small holes, but I didn't bother about it. Until recently, the filling came out and it became bigger. I had pain on my teeth. My appointment with GH dental will be another 2 weeks for the extraction of my other teeth. They don't do fillings for patients. 

Due to the lockdown, G Dental Clinic, I usually visit was also close. Because of that, I have to make an appointment at Adventist Hospital. After calling for an appointment, the next two days Janice took me there. When I arrived at the ground reception, the nurses took my temperature before I went up to the 5th floor where the dental department.

When I went inside, I was slightly surprised as I was the only patient there. I thought there were a few other people. I waited within 10mins, the nurse wheeled me into the room.

Dr. Yeap, a young male doctor treated me. He was kind, gentle and patient treating my teeth. He explained that I had 4 holes for filling upper and lower teeth. Within half an hour I was out from the room. I was glad my teeth were filled, but it was very costly

What to do, it was a private hospital! Thank God there was no more pain on my teeth.

Fearful Thoughts

Sunday, 5 April 2020

At this present moment, mum and I are staying in our apartment without any maid with us. Mum and I together with Janice help are able to handle our place.

Since Julie pass away, mum has been helping me with my daily routine. I, myself will do whatever I can.

Since last week, mum has been taking some "cold" fruits which elderly people are not supposed to take. 

Last weekend, after her morning bath, mum felt her whole back got muscle pull and she wasn't able to get up from her bed. I thought her muscle was just a while, but it was worst than I thought.

When Janice came to see us, mum was lying on the bed and her body was in pain. Not only her back was in pain, she felt nausea and couldn't eat anything at all.

I was in my room feeling frightened and fearful thoughts came to my mind. "Why suddenly she became so serious" Who will help me if she continues to be in bed and unable to get up etc?.  Other bad and negative thoughts played in my mind too

Janice continues to let her eat or drink, but she was unable to. During lunchtime, Janice gave her a nausea table and she rested the whole afternoon. I had lunch alone and felt very lonely as mum and I always eat together. After lunch, Janice came to help me onto the bed to rest.

I was very worried that mum couldn't eat and get up from bed the whole day.  We let her rest afternoon till evening. After her rest, I was relieved that she was able to get up from the bed. Janice gave her some liquid food together medication for her back muscle.

During dinnertime, we felt very happy that she was able to eat regular food, moved and walked like usual again.

I felt relief and thank God for taking away mum’s back muscle pain. She was able to be her normal self again.

Happiness VS Sadness

Saturday, 4 April 2020

Throughout last year (2019), I didn't write much about what was happening. I was very busy with my online sales, OT/Physiotherapy, routine check-ups, activities, outings, boccia training, outstation trips and many more.

Not forgetting about my emotional feelings, I felt up and down even with all my activities. When I was alone in my room, the negative thoughts would attack me.  I kept thinking "why keep taking the medication yet felt the same?”  Regular check-up to Psychiatrists doctor also felt the same. 

When I went for my activities outings etc, I would forget about my problems. After reaching home and back to my room. My feelings, thoughts, and emotions would be the same again.

But I thank God, despite of feeling emotion down, yet I was still active with outdoor activities.

New Year Outing -2019

Sunday,  29 March 2020

                                             

It was New Year's Day (1 Jan 2019).  As it was a public holiday, Teik and family, my darling and I together with a few disabled friends' went for BBQ at the MPPP beach in  Tanjung Bungah.

It was a beautiful and sunny day to see families with children, young, old and couples on the beach.  It was not the same as other beaches. The front of MPPP beach is very good because there is a ramp, which leads us to the shelter area. In front of it, there were steps leading to the beach. 

We had our BBQ there, facing the beach. While waiting for them to set up and BBQ set, I sat there watching the beach and ocean, few of our disabled friends' went down to the beach to collect seashells.

Teik and my darling did most of the toasting the chicken, seafood, etc. The others also join it toasting too. It was really a nice time having a BBQ there. We talked, laughed and enjoy each other company and the food too. 

I especially enjoyed watching the ocean and the people walking and playing on

the beach. I also enjoyed myself with their company.

Another good thing with MPPP beach, there was a big disabled toilet. When I needed to ease myself, I was able to handle myself as it was equipped with railing and bars.

After having a nice time at the beach, it was time to leave. We decided to adjourn to Balik Pulau to visit the Goat's Farm. I felt pleased that MPPP beach has facilities for disabled people.

Never did I knew there was a Saanen Dairy Goat Farm until we reached. I was happy and eager. But something happens to me, which out expected.

                                                     

We needed to park our cars outside and we walked into a pathway to the Goat Farm. It was a sloppy, unlevel and hard surface with small rocks on the ground. When my darling assisted me out from the car and pushed me down onto the sloppy, unlevel pathway.  My wheelchair (small front wheels) hit the hard ground. My whole self fell down onto the ground.  My darling was so scared as he carried me up from the ground.

Thank God, there was only minor scar on my face and on limbs. After my fall, I rested a while, then my darling pushed around to see the farm. As I was in pain on my face, I didn't enjoy much. But I saw a few goats, chickens' and some small cute animals in cages.

After seeing all the animals, we left that place.  We went for a ride in Balik Pulau 

before coming home.

Even though I fell down on New Year's Day, yet it was a great outing for me. I went to  different place of outings.

Thank you, God, for the minor hurt I had during my outing. and a nice, pleasant and enjoyable outing.

Boccia Training

Thursday. 26 March 2020

Activities in 2019

       

Ever since I stopped playing Boccia in 2015, due to my sickness, I have never stopped my interest in playing the game. Instead, I kept telling my close disabled friends and teachers, I miss the game so much.

I never knew God gave me another chance to play again in 2019 after I recover from my sickness in 2018.

Beginning of 2019, I asked our new coach, Can I come for training and participate in the competition again. He said can and asked me to find a helper to help me pick up balls during training sessions twice a week. Our boccia training held at the Spastic Centre hall.

My coach in return agreed to help me find a personal helper during our outstation competition.

Before I started my training, I searched/asked around relatives and friends who would be able to help assist me to pick up my balls. I kept searching and prayed that someone would be able to help me. Thanks to God, my friend told me her niece was willing to help for a few months while waiting to enter into college

Our training was twice a week, Wednesday (afternoon) and Saturday (morning). When I started for my training, I was happy and pleased to meet Jia Wen (the girl who help me) at the Spastic Center.  I was also happy to meet my Boccia friends again after so many years. There were many new young players' I met during our training session. I started knowing and befriend them.

Jia Wen was a kind-hearted and friendly person. She helped with me every session of my training.

She also befriended with my friends' during our training. She helped me until March 19' when she had to enter college in Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, she introduced me to her cousin Run Yin who was willing to continue helping me. I was happy that there was still someone to help me. Run Yin helped me for two months before she entered college in Penang.

I was very thankful to God for these two girls' who helped at the starting of my Boccia training. From then I was without a helper, but I asked anyone in the Boccia team to help me pick up the balls. I was thankful they helped me.

Clinical Depression VS Mood Swings

Sunday, 22 March 2020

Clinical Depression   

Sadness

Suicidal thoughts

Sleep disorders

Poor concentration

Fatigue and low energy

Feelings of guilt or worthlessness

Loss of interest in pleasurable activities, apathy

Abnormal psychomotor skills - slowed or agitated movement

Weight gain or loss unexplained and unintentional

Mood Swings

Frequent changes in mood, personality, or behavior

Mood depression or elevation

Unexplainable emotions

Lack of motivation

Extreme moods

Increased stress

Life Story Book

Wednesday,  25 Mac 2020

Since 1997 I have start written my life stories. All these years, I kept my write-up stories in a big file. I wrote daily stories, expressing everything in writing. That was how I knew what to do.

Thank God, I printed out all write-up stories unto sheets of paper instead of kept them in my computer file. One of those times, my computer was spoil and had to be format. Luckily, I still had my stories with me. It was the most important "papers" for me.

A few months ago, I took down the big file, after I have kept them for a long time. Thank goodness all my write up paper was still in good condition. After I went through all my stories, I didn't know that I have written so much. More than I though. I feel very happy and proud that I could put words into writing.  

Janice and I arranged my write-up papers in order. A few days ago, she bind them up for me into a book. I felt so happy to see what I have written all these years. She binds my stories from the year 1997 until 2000 and the book is so thick.

I still have other write-up stories, but not yet bind into a book.

Dear God, thank you that I'm able to express myself in writing. Thank you for giving me the passion to write and share YOU with others. 

Julie's Sickness

Saturday, 21 March 2020

 

26 Dec 2019, Julie started having fever for more than 5 days. At the same time, she had a urine virus infection. She often face with this urine virus infection as was she was on a urinary catheter.

As Julie's condition was very weak and we had only part-time maid at that time, Janice didn't bring her to GH but instead went to a nearby private clinic to get the necessary medication including antibiotics for her urine infection.

Ever since Julie took the antibiotic which lasted for one week, she slowly lost her appetite. She ate only bread and other simple food. She could still talked, chatted and laughed as she beside me in my room. We talked about her favorite boyband, Backstreet Boys.

As day and weeks past by, she got weaker and there were a lot of phlegm in her throw. She slowly unable to eat and swallow solid food. As she couldn't eat, we spoon-feed some milk together with daily medication. When her condition worsened, she was unable to talk and her eyes kept closed yet knew things around her. 

A week before Julie enter emergency-GH, she had fever up and down for the second time. Because of that, Janice and Cheryl (my niece) took her to the emergency. At that same time, she had hard breathing too.

When the doctor in emergency tested her, she had low pressure and hard breathing, they immediately sent her to ICU. 

Julie was in ICU that whole afternoon with an oxygen mask, no one was allowed to stay with her. Janice gave the doctor her contact number and came home. Mum and I kept praying for her.  

During dinner time, the doctor from ICU called Janice and wanted to meet family members. We thought it was bad news. Janice and Cheryl went and the doctor says they are giving her a type of antibiotic her phlegm/ breathing. They would be admitting Julie to the ward that night for further tests.

The next day, during lunchtime (visiting hours), Janice, Mum, and Cheryl visited Julie in the ward.  The doctor told them Julie had lung virus infection and internal bleeding due to her gastric.  When they told me about Julie internal bleeding, I was shocked to hear about it because it turned to be so serious.

Luckily I visited her that evening. When I saw her condition, I was deeply saddened. Thank God for bringing her "home" peacefully without much more suffering.

Many times when Julie fell sick, she would recover again. Never thought this time she would not. I was waiting for her to be strong again. We can talk and laugh, she would accompanying me to my room. Never thought she would leave me that day.

I lost someone who is very close to me. I miss her very much

She has been sitting beside me in my room every day

I miss her talking and laughing with me

I never thought she will leave just like that...

In my mind, my sister is still alive.

Though now it's over two months she passes away, 

I still asking God "why take her away"

I miss her sitting beside me and her happy, cheerful voice talking to me.

Now as I'm alone in my room, I have no one to accompany me.

No one will understand my present feelings.

Only God knows and understands.

Postpone Of Check-Up Dates - MCO

Friday, 20 Mac 2020

  

Since the Movement Control Order (MCO) started on Wednesday, 18 Mac 2020 in the whole of Malaysia. My whatapps friends/group chat friends have been sending me a lot of messages. Thanks to them, I receive the latest updates.

Due to the MCO, my appointment for my psychiatrist/dental -GH has to be postponed until next month.

My psychiatrist doctor Ng called me this morning and told me my appointment has change to until the middle of next month. Since I have started a new medication, which lasts for a week. Next week, Janice need to collect extra medication which will last until my next check-up (another 3 weeks)

My dental appointment for next week Thurs 26/3, I also have to postpone until next month too. I pray and hope my teeth don't give me a problem for now until the day of my dental.

My last goodbye

Wednesday, 18 March 2020

      

It's has been more than a month since Julie pass away, but the memory was like she is sitting by my side yesterday. Chatting and laughing with me in my room.

I last saw her was in the ward C5 (General Ward)-GH in the evening when Janice dropped me and mum to visit her Her face was so pale and fragile with an oxygen mask on her face and all the tubes on her hands and legs. Mum and myself were there for two hours, we kept praying for her silently. We called and talked to her but her eyes close all the time, I know she could listen to us

As her condition was more serious, her bed was nearby to the nurses' desk. Few nurses were attending to her, while we there. When I was there beside her, I felt like hugging and kissing her, but I was unable too as she was on oxygen mask and tubes. What I did hold her hand.

After 2 hours, we spent our time with her. It was time for us to home (it was near dinner time too). I told Julie softly, we will go and see you tomorrow. It never occur to me or come to my thoughts, that evening was my last goodbye to my darling sister.

At 9 pm that night, the doctor called Janice that Julie was very serious. Janice, mum and 3 nieces (came back for CNY). All of them rushed there, but it was too late. When they arrived she was already gone. The nurses had wrap Julie up in white cloth.

When Janice came home and told me the news, my heart fell apart, but I was unable to cry but felt very sad. I kept thinking the last time I saw her and she would never be coming home again! 

Start a new medication

Tuesday, 17 March 2020

Since last week, after my visit to a Psychiatrist, the doctor asked to reduce my present medication to one tablet (I used to take two tablets daily). Today, after a week, I stop taking the medication. He changed a new medication for me. Every night (for a week) I start with half a tablet before sleeping as this drug makes us drowsy.

I keep praying that it will be suitable and there will be no side-effect on me. As before, I have taken a few types of medication which didn't suit me. And the doctors had to keep changing until the medication suits me.

Dear God, please let this medication suit me and please don't let me have any side effects and help to get better emotionally.

Simple Gathering

Sunday,  8 March 2020

Today I have a simple outing with my darling. It was his off day, he asked me to join them for lunch, as he and Teik cooked steamboat in the center. It was some kind people who gave them food and they themselves cooked the soap.

When we arrived, the food was all already cooked. We started eating as the soup was boiling hot, and the food was dip inside the soup. It was really nice. I ate only a small portion as my stomach can contain that little only.

After eating, we sat in front of the standing fan and enjoy each other company. I sat quietly there and listening to them chatting. A friend of theirs’ brought his 3 years old daughter to their center. The little girl was so cute and pretty. She had some of the food too, and she brought her toys together too with her. After eating, she went to play with Teik's daughter.

His father (my darling's friend) chatted with them for around 30mins before bringing his daughter back home.

Around 2pm Teik, his daughter and a disabled friend went out. I didn't know where they went until when they were back, I saw they brought back a lot of packets of food.  Some kind people gave them food, and they went to collect.

As there was a lot of food, my darling asked me to take home some home. He asked me how many packets I want, I hesitated. In my heart, I thank God for kind people who give who us so much food 

The weather was extremely hot this afternoon, we decided to go to Tesco for some cool air and buy some groceries. When we entered Tesco, it was easy to find a parking lot and there were not many people in Tesco.

When enter inside it was so cooling and nice. We searched for things we wanted to buy. I bought 1 item only as other things there were quite expensive. We were there for more than half-hour.

After paying the items, we straight went back to the car. As we pass along the corridor towards our parking lot, we saw a few Panda drivers' were resting.

When we came back to the center, they rested awhile, my darling pack a few packets of food and steamboat (as there were extra) asked me to bring home for dinner.

Though it was a very hot day, I enjoyed eating steamboat and having a simple gathering with them. It was a nice outing for me, instead of sitting in my room at home

My morning at G.Dental Clinic

Friday, 13 March 2020

      

Since the end of last week, I have been having pain toothache pain on my side tooth. My gum was also swollen. A few days ago, I called the Dental Department (108) in GH to make an appointment. My doctor's (Malisa) assistant said it is full up this week, he asks me to come in another 2 weeks.

Janice was afraid my gum/teeth will get more swollen, so she makes an appointment for me at G. Dental today. This morning, together with mum, Janice dropped at the dental (in town area). Before dropping me she bought some food for lunch/dinner in a shop as on the way to town.

When she dropped at the dental, we were surprised and happy that there we no patients in the clinic. Janice straight pushed me into the doctor's room.

The young Chinese doctor checked all my teeth thoroughly. I have a big hole in my right top teeth, but he was unable to extract it due to my condition. My front teeth also have a few but he was able to fill up the holes 

His lady assistant helped transferred me over to the chair. It took more than half an hour to complete filling up my teeth.

Since there were patients' Janice waited for me until I finished. Thank God the doctor was able to fill my front teeth. After settled with my dental, we headed back. We stopped at a biscuit shop and Pulau Tikus market. Janice bought a lot of foodstuffs and we went home.

Let’s wait for another 2 weeks before my fearful day will come!

Shopping at Gama Supermarket

Wednesday, 11 Mac 2020

This morning Janice brought me and mum to Gama Supermarket to buy my bra and groceries etc. Before coming to Gama, Janice dropped by at Jios Pharmacy in Macalister Road to buy things for her in-laws.

When we arrived into Gama, we went to find a parking space. Thank God there was an empty OKU lot next to the entrance lift. We headed to the first floor which ladies section to buy my bra. Janice helped me to try the bra in the small fitting room. There was an offer for the bra so we bought a few.

After paying the bill, we went up to another floor which was the ladies' shoe department. Mum wanted to buy daily wear sandals. Janice helped her to try on a variety of sandals. I sat there and wrote my journal while waiting for them.

The real truth, the shoes department never interest me or fancy any shoes because I can never wear any of them.

Mum took some time there, then I showed her a sandal and she tries it with others' too. At last, she agreed to the sandals she likes and bought for her. After paying the bill, we left that place.

Since it was about lunchtime, we were hungry, but sadly there was no food count anymore inside Game.

Janice decided we went to the bakery the near grocery department and bought some buns to fill our stomach.

While eating, we went into the grocery department, there was a list of things to buy. We check out the items and bought what we wanted. There were many people at the store too.

Mum pushed me out another way, while Janice queue up to pay for the items. When finishing everything in the groceries. We headed to our car and reload the things into the boot and pay the parking bill and we headed home.

Even though it was only a few hours, I enjoyed my time there. It has been some time since I last been to Gama Supermarket

My check-up at Psychiatrist-GH

Tuesday, 10 March 2020

This morning I went for my regular check-up at psychiatrists department 102. Mum pushed me to the 1st floor where I put my appointment card in the counter box, From there, I asked to mum pushed me to the Neuro department (104) which was on the same floor, but it was on another side.

When I reached the Neuro department, but there were no doctors inside,  but only one nurse sitting at the counter. I ask the nurse that I want to repeat my medication. She told me the doctors only come to see patients' in the afternoon. I saw Dr. Eow Gaik Bee was in the room. I approached her but she was very busy at that time. Without saying much, I left my card there and went back to psychiatric. I waited for my name to be called to take my number and blood pressure.

Within 15mins, my name was called. Mum took my number and pushed me to the back of the clinic to take my blood pressure. There were only a few patients lining up to take their blood pressure and weight. After finishing my turn, mum pushed me back to the front seat and wait for my turn to go into to see the doctor.

There was a big aquarium on the side of the sitting area. I sat beside the aquarium as not to block the passageway. The big white fish was starring at me, there were few others' small fish swimming around too. When watched the fish swimming around, I wished to be like them swimming here and there.

I wrote my journal while waiting for my name to be called. I waited for so long before the doctor called me in. Many patients went in came out before me.

At last, the doctor called me in. He asked me how was I feeling, I told him, I wasn't feeling too good inside (emotionally). We talked and discussed, and he decided to give me a new medication to try on.

After explaining the new medication to me, I came out and mum was waiting for me outside. We went to the main pharmacy, there was a long queue so mum took a number but didn't wait to collect my medication as I needed to go home urgently to ease myself. 

There was an OKU toilet near to the pharmacy, but I was unable to use it as toilet flush was spoil. It was also dirty and smelly.

  

I called Janice to pick us up. In the afternoon, she would collect my medication together with a list of my medications from the Neuro department. Before they went to GH, Janice called Neuro if the doctor has written the medication.

Thank God, it was ready and can be collected. Janice went again to collect all my medication.

Thank you, God, for giving a caring and loving family who help me in times of difficulty.

OT/Physio Exercises -GH

Tuesday,  3 March 2020

This morning I went for regular Occupation Therapy continue by Physio Therapy. When I went into OT (room 1), I was the only one, though there were few other patients' who went in together with. They were guided to another room. I was the only person sitting and doing my exercise. The Malay lady therapy, Cik Muzi was in charge and helping me with my hand exercises. It was quite bored today, but there few male staff having a discussion about their work.

I continue my hand exercises. I did 2 exercises today, even that I felt slightly tired. I finished and I pushed myself out from room 1 and pushed to the front counter where mum was waiting. She was talking to a lady while waiting for me. I called her and she wheeled me to physio, which was another side of the department.

When mum wheeled me inside physio the front counter and I put my card there. I was given a number and I was immediately called inside. I felt happy that I didn't have to wait.

Today, was my first my Malay male therapy, En. Mat hole me to walk on the bard. It was since last year, I last walked on the bar. I felt really happy he made me walk and I did a few other hand and leg exercises.

When I did my leg cycling exercise, suddenly I started coughing non-stop, 

I kept my mouth close yet the sound came out loudly. I'm afraid what nearby patients' will say about me. It's embarrassing that I can't stop coughing as now it's the Coronavirus epidemic  

Mr. Mat, my therapy ask me "why your cough is so bad", but I answer him softly "that I'm taking medication"

After finished my exercises, I took my appointment card and pushed myself out from there. Mum was waiting outside for me to push me back

Coughing the whole week

Saturday, 29 February 2020

I have started coughing after my weekend (in QBay). Not only but that, it develops into slight flu and my tongue has an ulcer too. Due to my cough, my body felt very tired and weaken so I took rest from my boccia training and outings and stayed at home the whole week. The only places I went to were JKM (welfare office and Rehab-GH only).

Even though I'm coughing I insist not to take any cough medicine, even I took it from the doctor a few days ago. I unable to consume any medication as it will make my body weaker. The frightening thing is when my is weak, my spasm will easily attack me.

A command cough are able to make our chest painful, tired and weak, As I'm slightly weaker this week I can feel my spasm is attacking me. So, I need to take it easy.

I hope to get well and fit soon so I can continue my activities. Staying at home is very bored, as now being along in my room without Julie to talk to.